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Advice....my grandmother doesn't understand how to operate the thermostat and she is worrying and obsessing about it so much she is having anxiety issues (stomach, nausea). Every day in the morning, I call and she panics, she whines, and sighs and tell me she is scared, and hear about how it was either too hot or too cold in the house, how she couldn't sleep. We've called the furnace repair company, three times, replaced the thermostat and I've been down there the last three days to explain how it works. She isn't understanding it. I'm a teacher, and made color coded directions, which I know are comprehensible. She just isn't able to process it, anymore and is obsessing about it and making herself anxious.


She expects it to turn on "heat" when she's cold (even though its set to 74 and it's hotter in the house than 74) and worries about it ALL day, and ALL night. I am going crazy. She doesn't want to be alone anymore, but I don't want to live there, or spend every day there, and neither does my mom. We have to hire help, but I don't know how to go about this, or how to find people to help. Or how to make her pay for it.


What do I do? How do you all cope? Do I just let her suffer there alone when its 87 out? Hear about her freezing at night? I am burning out, my mother is burnt out and I don't know what to do.

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I experienced something similar with my LO. It was due to dementia. She was not able to operate the thermostat any longer. And, her body was not regulating her temperature very well due to dementia and poor nutrition. The only way I could stop her from turning up the heat to 90 when it was 90 outside was to install a plastic security box that is designed to keep it secure. It’s installed with screws and opens with a key. I kept the key hidden. It worked fine. I kept it at a nice normal level. After a day, she stopped asking about it. It’s clear and you can see everything inside. Hardware store sells for under $10.00.

I'd be careful of leaving her alone. And, I’d have her evaluated for cognitive decline. When someone acts that way, it a signal of a problem and there are likely other issues that are also of concern. Soon, after my LO lost ability to work thermostat, she also forgot how to use tv remote, stove, etc. Then, required AL.
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Before my dad passed away from CHF last year, he was always "cold." He consistently had the thermostat set so high that the house temperature would be in the 80's to 90's. It was unbearable to be there taking care of him. We tried heated blankets, flannel lined clothes in the middle of summer, everything to keep him "warm" but nothing worked. All the caregivers and I had to leave the AL apartment to recover from the excessive heat. All I could do was turn the thermostat down when I came in and listen to him complain that he was "cold."
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cherokeegrrl54 Jul 2020
I go thru this with my mom and her friend that i help take care of. Good lord its 102 outride and they are freezing wth thermostat on 95?😡😡😡 i kid u not....i just about passed out one day last week so i told them if they expect me to take care of things they want done, i have to b able to breathe and not have a heat stroke!! Best of luck to you with this..Liz
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I think as we age our body thermostat gets out of whack and he really feel the "hot" and "cold" . My dad also kept playing with the thermostat at his house and we would have endless discussions on what temperature to set it. Luckily he didn't get panicked and anxious over it (he did get mad but that's a story for another day). I would go to his house at least once a day to fiddle with the thermostat until I just finally set it at a "normal person" temperature and ignored his complaints. He is now at assisted living and although the residents have access to their own thermostats I had them lock his so he wouldn't fiddle with it constantly. Now he's finally happy with the temperature (since he doesn't keep putting it up to 90 and down to 60) and is amazed that he couldn't get his house to be so comfortable. (Eye-roll)
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cherokeegrrl54 Jul 2020
I have to just chuckle and shake my head on this. Sounz like my mom.
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At 98 there has to be some mental decline, I would think.

Is the thermostat digital? If so there may be the problem. I have a programmable one. Wish I had suggested it when my Mom needed a new heater. The heater and a/c set up different. Older people tend to get cold very easily. Those with heart problems get hot easily. Dad had his a/c on 68. So take that in consideration.

For me, my thermostat is set at 66 for nighttime. An hour before I get up, I have it set for 70 so the house is warm when I get up. It allows people who work to keep the house cooler while not at home and have it warm up just before getting home. Same with the a/c. You set it for the temps ur comfortable at. I would also suggest a lockbox so Mom can't touch it.
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P.S. Can you call your local "Area of Aging Agency", tell the person what you need and then they will have you talk with the appropriate social worker and get you steered in the right direction. That's how I started out in my journey with my mom. One lead or resource usually results in another and another and another until you have many options to choose from.
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Mountain87k Jul 2020
Thank you! I put a call out to Family Resources! I appreciate this a lot. Thank you.
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My Dad 88 became thermostat crazy a couple of years ago. It's too Hot and he'd set it to 60*, it's too Cold (even if it was 90* outside) he'd turn on the heat. After months of resetting the thermostat to a reasonable temperature I ordered and put up a lock box on the thermostat. Then placed a sweater and blanket by his chair and reminded him to take off the sweater if he became hot. After a lot of grumbling and threatening to take a hammer to thing, he calmed down and after awhile forgot about it.
Put up a lock box and assure her it is set at the perfect, economical temp, tell her she is saving money to leave it alone and to stop worrying. You'll probably have to repeat yourself for days or weeks. Make sure she has her favorite sweater nearby.
Dementia can affect the body's temp control too, so keep an eye out for other signs.
Best of Luck
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Mountain87k Jul 2020
It's making me crazy, so I am glad to hear someone else went through this (this is why this forum is helpful!) and I am fairly certain she has mild dementia- she forgets things, and she gets these strange obsessions (getting her hair done, mailing something, pulling a weed...) and then just hounds us until it gets done. It's exhausting.

It's just an obsession, and an unhealthy one. So maybe the temperature is something that is an effect of this. She complains about being too hot or too cold so easily, the she panics. It's the panic that is so hard to deal with. It's the "I don't understand" why it's not working part that is driving me crazy.
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Dear Mountain87k,
It is obvious that you have done everything you possibly can to help your grandmother in regards to her thermostat obsession. Maybe it is time to have her put on a low dosage of a good anti-anxiety medication in order to take the "edginess" off the anxiety/panic. I'm not talking about heavily sedating her. My mom is 95 and hospice put her on the lowest dosage of one - it helps her sleep well and keeps her calm. I bet your grandmother hardly sleeps and believe me when a person doesn't sleep well like they should that alone can cause emotions, anxiety and even paranoia to run amok! My mom's is prescribed to be given up to 4x a day but, she hasn't need all those doses. She pretty much gets the "before bedtime" dose and that's it. Believe me I was worried about her being on one and it has to be the right type. There are a few that are not good for the elderly to be taking. If you get one prescribed, do some research on it - that's what my husband did at the moment when I was on the phone with hospice and they were telling me she needed it. He gave me the "ok" sign and I consented over the phone. Once she started it, I would check on her frequently just to be sure she wasn't in la la land. Just remember if you were to try it and you don't like it, just have her taken off of it under the doctor's orders as some of them you can't just stop taking cold turkey but, you may need to wean her off of it over a period of a week or so.
I've done what you've done in regards to making color-coded directions and like your grandmother she couldn't process it. Anything was just too technical for her to grasp. I wish all three of you the best and please update us!
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