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TY for this, we appreciate the share...Prayers to all, near & far!🙏🏻❤️
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Hi Arwen-
Like everyone else here, I appreciate your honest account of your experience. There really are no words to describe this, it feels so unreal. I agree with you - I feel like I'm watching a sci-fi movie. Except it's not....
Stay strong. Aren't you a little surprised by how strong you can be? You can hold on and persevere - and so can I. I think we all are much stronger than we might think.

Sending all the good thoughts your way! xoxox
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Arwen31 Mar 2020
Indeed. Human resilience is pretty amazing, I have experienced so many extremes feelings lately and still I'm alive :) This is a marathon though. I'm trying to pace myself, but it takes a lot of energy to learn this sort of discipline.

Thinking of all of you, sending you courage, and strenght.
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23 day of isolation


What has started as a simple post of tips has become, I can see it now, my journal.
I must admit I didn’t fully realise what I was going to live and witness when I wrote the first post here; it now feels like an incredible, difficult journey that I’m doing with you, and for this, I’m very grateful.

We are watching the news from the States in disbelief. It feels to us like re-living the same nightmare again even before having woken up completely. We do feel your anger, fear and disconcert. We know how hard it is to keep your spirit up with this giant shadow approaching and everything looking worse and worse every day. How tired you must feel at the end of the day, emotionally, physically and mentally. How difficult and frightening is to remember all precautions when caring for someone else, hiding the fear and the worry, trying to decide the right thing to do when everything seems a matter of life or death. People in the States, in Spain, France, the UK and now also India (for which my heart is breaking), Africa, South America, crazy crazy Sweden, everywhere. Brothers and sisters. We are so close to you.

But even if we are still in the thick of it here in Italy and had more deaths that our minds can comprehend in the last couple of weeks, I DO have VERY good news tonight.

Your probably know it from the news, our contagions numbers are decreasing rapidly and, most importantly, the number of hospitalised people are much much less, at least here in Lombardy, where it all began. It is not just the numbers, you know. I can feel it in the air, I realise it by the number of ambulances that I hear through the day, which made us feel like the world was ending, so, so many of them just a few days ago, they were almost impossible to bear.

Now there is a new silence. A silence full of tiredness, a silence full of question marks, still, we are breathing in relief. We have a new hospital with 200 new IC units, built in 10 days. Our Mayor is fighting for us for being tested for antibodies, to know if we already had this virus, so that we can at least go out for a short walk, or to buy fruits, or to see our friends. Or perhaps even start living again! We have a new app that we can use on a voluntary basis for reporting symptoms and track contagions.

We are well. I’ve had a few bad moments - including a sudden stomach ache which wouldn’t pass and made me really worry - sad news from a close friend who’s now fighting the virus at home - but I still feel than we can make it and I’m actually more determined than before.
I also went out for the first time in weeks the other day, and managed to both fill the tank and withdraw some money from the atm machine, which made a huge difference in how I feel.
At least now we have a little autonomy, should everything fail.

Going out felt really weird, normal and scary at the same time. There was almost no one in the streets, but the sun was shining and the air was so pure without pollution that it almost felt impossible that all this is really happening; just breathing the fresh air and being outdoor for 20 minutes made me feel so much better.

We still don’t know for certain when we’ll be able to resume some sort of normal life.But I’m obliging myself not to think about the future. We are still in Phase 1 - Staying Alive.I’m positive that when the danger will be over I will feel it, and we will be so relieved to be alive that all difficulties that we’ll surely have to face will seem nothing in comparison.

I’d like to share this with you: my beautiful city from above, and the silence we are experiencing. This is how unreal it feels.

https://www.lapresse.it/cronaca/coronavirus_milano_deserta_il_drone_sopra_una_citta_irreale-2539860/video/2020-04-01/

At the same time, doesn’t it look like it could be the beginning of a brand new world?

Thinking of you all, be safe

with love

Arwen
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jacobsonbob Apr 2020
Arwen31--Yes, you should keep what you've written as a journal, which will be of interest to people well in the future. I'm happy to read that the situation is improving there. When it comes down to it, every country will probably have its couple months of agony before this pandemic is over or at least under control.

I've always kept in mind that whenever there is a pandemic, war, depression or some combination of these......the sun still shines, birds still sing, flowers bloom, and bees and butterflies still fly about.
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Arwen,
🎖🏅We all need to give you a Humanitarian Award for your contributions during the pandemic and the 2020 worldwide shortage of toilet paper.

Many serious thank you's!

Love from me!
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Arwen31 Apr 2020
LOL :D

Thank you so much, I'll share the award with you ladies who are keeping me sane! :)
And. For some weird reason Italians are not panicking over toilet paper, so if you need some just knock on my door ;)

xxx
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Arwen,

Greetings from the United States! It was so good to hear that you all are seeing some improvements. I know what you mean about going out and feeling the fresh air. It’s hard to believe that there is so much suffering going on around the world. It’s surreal. Sometimes, I wake up, and for a moment I think it’s just an ordinary day, and then I remember. It has felt eerily familiar - this upending of life as we know it.

Fifteen years ago, my daughter came home from her first week of college. I remember we lounged on my bed with the sun coming through the window, as she excitedly told me of her new adventures. Two days later that beautiful room and entire house was destroyed by Katrina along with a large portion of the Gulf Coast. I know I suffer from some Post Traumatic Stress from Katrina. You survive, you recover, you grow stronger, but you are forever affected. I’m sure this is true of anyone who goes through a traumatic life event. I think about how unbelievable life must have felt for those cities in Europe during WWII, with sirens going off, and bombs destroying houses around them, and sending the children out of the cities to live in the country where it might be safer. And this went on for years! After Katrina, we talked about our “New Normal”, until that too, became normal. Life continues.

Here, where I live, presently, we are on a Shelter in Place with a curfew from 11:00 p.m. to 6:00 a.m. We are still able to drive to get essential things, though I have started ordering my food through an app, then I drive to pick it up. We are allowed to walk or ride our bike. So far, in my state, we have not had very many cases, and few deaths. You must understand that my state is almost 2/3 the size of Italy, but with not even 3 million people. So compared to Italy, we are very rural. Most states are like this. Even New York state, has huge areas of rural towns. The United States is immense! Unfortunately, we are seeing the greatest number of cases in the big cities.

I am so glad you were able to get out for gas and money. Such a normal thing - driving a car, to lift up your spirits. Thank you so much for your updates. They are so important. I pray daily for healing for this world, and for all to seek and draw closer to God.
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Arwen31 Apr 2020
@Treeartist.

Thank you for sharing such an important memory with me. I feel honoured.
For a moment while I was reading you I was inside that room, and saw the light coming from the window, and you chatting with your daughter on the bed. Then it was suddenly gone, like it must have been for you. It's hard just to think about it, it must have been so, so hard for you. I'm so sorry you had to go through it, and now, through this.

I do have similar memories. I still remember the light, the smell, the feelings, like it had happened yesterday. Sometimes I really feel, especially now, that all our life is nothing more than a dream. And yes, like you, I do have a split second moment in the morning when I wake up when I don't remember. Then I remember that I should be worried about something. And then it hits me, and the day in Milan, Planet Earth, starts again.
Such a weird feeling, isn't it.

My mom lived WWII when she was a teenager. She recalls many episodes.
She tells me that they got so used to the sirens of the planes coming to bomb them that they used to finish cooking dinner and then would run to the shelter at the very last moment. Or that one day just before entering their usual shelter she had a really strong feeling and she decided to go to another one which was a bit far, and this saved their lives because the first shelter was destroyed... This seemed like a movie to me, I still remember listening to her stories and trying to imagine how it would have felt if it happened to me. To me.
Now I know that you keep living through the hardest things. Life continues, as you say. You keep cooking dinner. But you know, at least even under the bombs they had each other, they were close. Now what is really hard is that we are more or less alone with our fears. In a way, we have perhaps to be even stronger. But if we are lucky, as you say, we can truly grow stronger.

I try to imagine you among your trees, hoping that they will give you protection. It must be so beautiful living in a rural area. Cities are beautiful too, in their own way, but we are now paying so much the safety and comfort that they offer. I think of New York, which I love, and my heart sinks. They must be living something very similar to us.
I truly think our future will have to be a braver one, one where we will learn to live closer to nature, in every possible sense.

I pray for healing too. For seeing a better way for myself, for us, for everyone. For life, to continue.

Sending you a hug
Arwen
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Arwen, you are a very articulate, insightful, compassionate and powerful writer.   I think you should seriously consider publishing your journals, when the virus crisis has past and funds are available for what I expect will be a lot of journals, but probably not as poetic and emotional as yours.   You have a gift for lyrical writing.
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Arwen31 Apr 2020
Thank you so much Garden Artist, this stirred something inside me.
I loved writing, so much, when I was younger, and then life happened to me and I stopped. Somehow, I sometimes feel that this tragedy we are all living is somehow bringing us back to our true selves.
Writing here has truly saved me from the worst fears.
I don't know if this could be of any use for others; I wrote here because of you, because you share so much of my experiences here, and you know the place I'm coming from. My motivation to write has been you.
But you gave me back a million times.

Truly grateful for your kind words that mean more than I can say.
Thank you.

: )
Arwen
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Arwen, how are you? What's going on where you are, hon? Do you have all the basics you need?    lil
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Arwen31 Apr 2020
Hi Lil,

Thank you for thinking of me, you are lovely :)

I'm ok. We do have enough to live for another week /10 days but I have been trying to do some shopping online every night for the whole week and it's just impossible, now. I'm not overly worried, I know I will find a way but yes, I'm a bit tired. I will try to post an update asap on this and other things that are happening around here.

How are you? Where are you in the world?

xxx Arwen
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Good morning everyone. Arwen ive been following this post since the very beginning. At the time my dad had just died a few weeks before. He was 87 and very sick. He decided to stop dialysis and didnt last too much longer. As much as we think we are prepared and he said he couldnt wait to be with my mom it was still so hard. Shortly after that the govenor from our state, (nevada usa) decided to shut our state down. Except for essentials everything else is closed. I have a question for everyone. My son works in a local grocery store. Alot of contact with the public. Do you have any suggestions for us to keep safe. He wears a mask and gloves at work and when he comes home he does shower immediately but are we doomed to get this virus? We arent isolating from eachother. Ive been staying home but hes sort of out on the front lines. Any suggestions? Although my state isnt as bad as alot of the areas of the world. We do live in "sin city". And the numbers are starting to increase. Weve been shut down since the 16th of march. Another month to go. Thank you for all your posts. Theyve been so insightful in this scary time.
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lilhelp Apr 2020
Dcurnan, I'm sorry for the loss of your Dad.
I don't believe we are all doomed to get this virus. He likely shouldn't be in Close contact with others at home as much as possible; at work either. I read all clothing worn outside should be removed & washed immediately; and shoes should be left outside. Personally, I'm not leaving my shoes outside, but I do Lysol them All over inside home. He should be careful how he removes gloves, clothes, masks; Google those for proper removal.
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Lilhelp, thanks for your post. I will google the proper ways of removing gloves and such. I dont think honestly that my son is taking this very seriously. Hes young and strong and invinsible. In his mind. Lol. I dont know about your area but we are running out of supplies here. Mostly cleaning products. I think i have enough to last another month or so. I dont want to overload because i think about those without. And then you turn on the news and you get a little freaked out. Also being alone 90% of the day also plays with your mind. I guess just keep busy and hope for the best. Thank you for thinking of my dad. I wonder what he would think of all of this. He died at the end of february. I know he knew something big was going to happen but this big, i wonder. And the dialysis centers i wonder now how they are coping. It must be constant for them.
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lilhelp Apr 2020
Dcurman, You're most welcome. Good you're Googling those things.  Most of the young think they're invincible. Most of us still remember feeling that way, too.  Are you in the US?  Would it be possible for your son to leave that job, and be paid under the new bill?  I'd check into that asap.  No job is worth risk of health and very life for themselves or others.   lil
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Arwen,
It was a silent drone tour of Milan! I watched the video you recommended. Then I sent it to a family member who used to live in Italy.
Here is another chance for those who missed it, and thank you!


https://www.lapresse.it/cronaca/coronavirus_milano_deserta_il_drone_sopra_una_citta_irreale-2539860/video/2020-04-01/
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gratefultoday Apr 2020
I enjoyed the drone tour too Arwen sent too and shared it on my Facebook. Eery and beautiful. Thank you Arwen.
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HI Arwen,

How are you? I hope this message finds you in good spirits. I so appreciate you and have been thinking about you. I have enjoyed reading others posts too. We are definitely blessed to be in community here.

I appreciate that you have said that this is a marathon, not a sprint and I have said this to my husband who and son who live 1500 miles away, and to friends, and my son and daughterinlaw who are living with me. We will all need patience, grace for one another, and to allow ourselves to be sad, but not stay there.

I haven't been sleeping well, I've been up every night, so I try to read. I know just laying there isn't helpful. Even though I am still working, mostly from home, I am finding it difficult to keep a schedule. I sometimes drive in the field and check on our plant nursery about an hour away. I drive by myself and don't share my vehicle. I told my supervisor yesterday that I don't want to share a vehicle and she said that's fine until we have turn our vehicles in, which will be soon, I don't know how soon..so then my only choice would be to drive my own car (not 4WD which I need sometimes) or take a leave of absence.

I will do one or the other but I decided I would rather not work than share a vehicle. Then I will join the out of work, which is a scary prospect but the better alternative.


I heard Bill Gates, Microsoft, say you can rebuild the economy, you can't bring people back from the dead. I know you know that's not being dramatic. But people are actually still working (my son's coffee shop is still open even though the workers are worried, but they haven't quit yet), as are many other companies. Mostly young people, but I'm sure not all, are concerned about earning money and cannot see the invisible risk. So they hope they are doing the right things, washing their hands, not breathing too deeply behind their mask, covering their tracks.

Again, if you need me to send you groceries, I will. Please do not hesitate to ask me. Ask me.
Lisa.underwood@yahoo.com. Do not do without. If I can get them to you I will.

I hope you and Willy are enjoying each other and your evening breath of outdoors air is sweet. God bless you friend, and thank you for being there for us too.
Love, gratefultoday
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Arwen31 Apr 2020
Thank you so much Lisa, I'm really touched by your generosity.

We are ok. I gave up on online food so I will have to go out tomorrow but I do have a mask now :))) Will write more about this asap.

"We will all need patience, grace for one another, and to allow ourselves to be sad, but not stay there."
This is very wise. It's a fine balance, isn't it, that we have to recreate daily, between being honest with ourselves and feel our feelings and finding the strentgh to keep going and doing what we must do.
These days I have to give myself much more time to process things ; I felt very unproductive the first few days, until I realized that facing this requires another rhythm and a different way to be present in the world. Our world is truly changing at the speed of light, and so are we.

About sharing the car, I would have done the same.
You know, in the first couple of weeks I feared that I was going to become avoidant, reclusive and selfish; now I think it's just an instinctive protection. We simply need to buy ourselves time, to understand what we are facing, to test our strengths, or to simply wrap our minds to what's happening...
I'm sure we will learn how to interact and sharing with people again, but this is not the moment. At least not physically.

"I heard Bill Gates, Microsoft, say you can rebuild the economy, you can't bring people back from the dead."
This is what I think, too. I think that there will be time to talk about the economy, at the moment we truly have to stop. Suspend our world for a couple of months. It will be difficult to start again, and we'll probably have to do it in a different way, but first of all we have to keep (each other) alive.

Yes, this is a real marathon, I'm perceiving it even more like this, now.
I know that this next couple of weeks will be very difficult in the US; but whatever happens, think of it like a big scary cloud, it will pass, quick as it arrived, even if sometimes it will seem impossible.

Sending you thoughts of light
Arwen
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Thank you for your thoughtful post. It has been difficult here in the USA to watch the virus spread through your beautiful people and country. Blessings to all in Italy!
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NeedHelpWithMom Apr 2020
Thank you for caring 💗.
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Thanks Arwen31 and all who post on this thread. What hits me most is how universal our experiences seem. My hope and prayer for us all is for healing, health and resilience.
I feel a bit like I have been sensory deprived, but wonder if I may develop new preferences and might even end up better as a result. For example, I have not had any sweets or sugary soft drinks. I have not been wearing uncomfortable shoes. I put on red lipstick yesterday and it was so vivid I felt like a cartoon character. I saw someone on a reality show with false eyelashes, and she looked like a clown to me. This is just IMO only. Through all this, I am finding ways to cope with exercise, mindfulness, and meditation. I make sure to smile when my neighbor's young children can see me in my yard. I already knew what was not working in my life, but have re-learned a few things that are helping me greatly. I hope that what can be learned during this time to put anyone's life in a positive direction is indeed realized.
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Arwen31 Apr 2020
Yes, I do feel the same. The universal feeling has been taking so many forms for me, it's hard to describe. Feeling more connected with humanity as a whole, feeling on the verge of a potential collective huge change, feeling the pain of people around me, in my city, and far away, beyond the walls of my house which has become almost like a bubble, where I feel suspended in time and space, grateful to be still alive but unable to see a way out.

While I'm writing this, a new thought just occurred to me; perhaps we can't see a way out because we are not ready, yet?

Thank you for reminding me of the important things.
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This is for all of you, wherever you are in this moment.
It's the Philarmonic of the main theatre of my city, playing for each one of us, from their homes.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Q4k6PiXBNA

We are closer to you than you can imagine.
With much love, from Milan

x Arwen
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ArtistDaughter Apr 2020
So beautiful. I love that people can connect this way through music. Thank you. And thank you for all your posts.

In Colorado we howl at 8pm and set off fireworks. It's funny that people's dogs howl with us. A police car was sitting in the street outside our house last night when we went out to howl. She got out of her car and asked us to howl louder. The fireworks a couple blocks away are illegal. She did nothing about it.

I visit my mom on phones through her bedroom window in assisted living. She is doing fine so far, but we have had a lot of outbreaks of the virus in our senior care facilities here in Colorado. It's my main worry right now, but I do have hope for humanity, that we learn from this, do with less, take care of our planet, and love each other more.
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Through tears, thank you, Arwen. This was my youngest son's favourite piece of classical music. He left us aged 23 over 17 years ago. It brings sorrow, but peace.

Italy stole my heart many, many years ago. I celebrated my 21st birthday in Venice. So many wonderful memories.

There is hope.

Life goes on.

Hugs and prayers.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JTVXEGIS3LE
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Sendhelp Apr 2020
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35 Day

This past week has been the hardest.
Numbers in Italy are going down, but not in the rest of the world, and not in Milan. For weeks we've been hanging onto every little crumble of hope, but news, rules, strategies have started being chaotic, and so the behaviour of people.

We know now that the number of real contagions is much, much wider than the official one, everywhere. We still don't know when we'll be able to move from here and if we'll be tested, and how. Each region is doing a different thing. Many people have started going out.

The deep sense of connection has started vanishing.
I have felt very angry, with everyone. With people that I see from my window without a mask. With a friend telling me that "the cure is worse than the illness" and that people are starting losing it if the government won't "free" us soon.
I think of doctors, nurses, pharmacists, people working in supermarkets that have to face their fear every day, and these trite common places seem to me a symptom of the illness itself, of the old world we should put behind our shoulders, the weak, selfish, self-centered, thoughtless attitude and lack of discipline that brought us exactly where we are. I think at the meaning of the word Freedom, what it really means, if we were really free before.

I've been nervous with my mother, too. I do resent the situation we are in, the huge amount of work I have to do, the fact that I'm alone to decide everything, the times she just won't listen to me, which inevitably brings more work, more worry, more tiredness.

Then again, I think. If I am to survive this, the answer to all these problems is not in the tests, it's not in a date, it's not in my mother suddenly reasoning as she used to. It is in me. In how I can adapt, in how I can pace myself, realising that I'm in for the long haul as everybody else in this, in how I manage to find my freedom in the small things. The very small things. So small that they come to existance just when we really pay attention, in the here, and in the now.
This invisible space is my new hope, is the only hope that I can offer at the moment. It is truly tiny, but perhaps it can contain more than we can see now.

"The future enters into us, in order to transform itself in us, long before it happens."

-Rainer Maria Rilke

I think of all of you, every day.
with love
x Arwen
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gratefultoday Apr 2020
We are watching you Arwen, and listening to you. It will happen here, in the US, that people grow tired of doing the right thing, being careful, being patient, being cautious.
We will forget that we are staying home for the nurses and doctors, because they can't stay home. It will be a fight, today with words, that the cure is worse than the illness, as the daily count in NY is steadily at 700 per day. Every day.
You have resolve to slow down, to try to be patient, to enjoy the small things, like Willy and the yard.
We do our part, for others, for health care workers, for our family. Thank you for your resolve.
Find joy today friend.
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Arwen,
Good afternoon!
Still following your letters to us, and I am appreciative that you stay in touch, letting us know how you are.

Did you feel that earthquake a few days ago, far from you but reported felt in Milan? Do you need some [[[Hugs]]] Arwen?

Sending a hello, and many hugs from California, USA!!

This morning at about 4 a.m., my Tweety bird (a parakeet, budgie) was making some noise in his cage, so I went to the U.S.G.S. site to check if it was an earthquake not felt. Then I saw one in your area.

We may all get through this hard time Arwen. Refresh your strength and resolve, and allow a little more time to pass by.
Keep your routine schedule, and know that you are thought of often.
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Arwen31 Apr 2020
Thank you so much, hugs are always very welcome ! *hugs you back* :)

I didn't feel the earthquake at all, where was that?! We had one quite close in Croatia at the end of March which caused substantial damage and 1 fatality in Zagreb. People didn't know if they were supposed to follow the shelter in place order for COVID or to run outdoor as you do during a strong earthquake. It must have been so stressful, I can't think about the possibility of a earthquake right now.

As for animals feeling things before they happen, I'm not surpised you trust your parakeet (what a cool pet to have, btw!).
This is something I haven't shared with anybody before because it seems a bit weird, but back in November 2019 my cat started meowing much more than usual. He's pretty vocal, normally, but in November he started meowing in a new, agitated way. He could go on for hours and nobody could understand why. I called the vet, she said she was hearing the same complain about many cats in Milan and since the cat had just been checked and was physically allright she couldn't suggest anything specific except some natural remedies to calm him down. Nothing worked. He kept meowing and meowing until the end of February. When the whole COVID drama exploded, he just stopped. So, so weird.
I didn't put the two things together until recently, but I really think now that he felt it and wanted to warn us. For this (and other more scientific reasons) I'm now pretty sure that this virus has been here since November 2019. More than ever I'm also convinced now that the moment we'll heal our relationship with animals at large we will find our real cure for us, and for this planet.

Thank you again for your message and encouragement.
Sending you and all beautiful California much love
x Arwen
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Arwen, thank you so much for your updates! They give me hope that we are going to come out of this sense of panic and terror sometime in the future.
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Arwen31 Apr 2020
Barb, I guess you are writing from NY. You don't know how close people in Milan feel to your city, right now.

I started writing here what I thought was going to be a single post as a just-in-case, remote warning, to all of you. Then you all saved my life while I was in the midst of the same terror. Now I'm keeping writing for the very reason you say, to prove that I'm still alive, and that yes, this horrendous darkness we are experiencing, even here, CAN recede.

I don't think that people elsewhere in my country have a faint idea of what we lived here. But I know, I really know, how you must be feeling right now. What NY and Milan have been bracing is beyond words.

Things here are much better. I do feel, and think, and am better than just 10 days ago. I will keep posting. I will keep you in my thoughts. We WILL make it.

with much love
x Arwen
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Thanks, Arwen. I love Milan, although I have not been there in many years. We were in Rome right before the start of the outbreak and were very lucky to have avoided getting ill while travelling.

Our numbers in NYC appear to be dropping, but we need a few more days of downward trend before we can say it's a real "trend".

Thank you for your ongoing posts and your perseverance in the face of adversity. I think they make us all fell hopeful that we will see the light soon. (((((Hugs))))))
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M 4.5 - 1km SSE of Coli, Italy

Time
2020-04-16 09:42:53 (UTC)
Location
44.730°N 9.425°E
Depth
10.0 km
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Arwen31 Apr 2020
This is so weird! When you told me I checked, there was absolutely nothing about it, not even on the official earthquake page. Today is on the papers. We didn't feel anything here, at least not me. Perhaps someone should update the emergency rules for Earthquakes under Covid.

If this was a movie, I wouldn't go watch it, you would think nah, that's just too much in one single movie. There you go. Sigh.
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Wide awake at 4:45am. thinking too much. They said on the news today that domestic violence is up 300 percent. It's sad to think that in addition to this health crisis there are people who have even more to worry about like their spouses losing control and being stuck at home with them.

I know there are lessons to be learned from all this. I just pray that the people who need to learn them do so.

Love to all in Italy, New York, and throughout the world.🙏
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NeedHelpWithMom Apr 2020
Frightening to think about, isn’t it? I have the same thoughts and desires that you have Gershun. I pray that all who need to hear important messages in their hearts will somehow hear it.

Love to all of you.
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Hi sleepless friends.

Crazy how we are experiencing the same things, at all levels.
Last month I would wake up at 4am every morning. Now it's better. I think our minds and body are making a huge work of adjustment to this new reality, like when you get inside a hot tub and you have to do it slowly, then finally you are in the water and it doesn't feel that hot anymore. This at least how I feel now, I'm in the water, this is my reality now.

As for domestic violence exploding: in Italy hotlines for support have been warning about how few calls they would receive these days, even from their "regulars", simply because women in abusive families are never alone anymore. Husbands don't go to work, women can't go out. They don't have any moment left to call for help.

There have been days when news such as this were just endless, and everywhere. Women killed, pets abandoned for fear of contagions, migrants stranded on boats and dying at sea cause no country would open the harbours, children left alone at home with both parents in a hospital, people without food, wildlife without food, my neighbour's wife and kid both severely ill at home completely isolated while he's dying in a hospital, my friends falling sick, my mom's friend, the doctor, who died without saying goodbye to his wife after a month-long fight...

I'm an INFJ by MBTI. Being an empath just doesn't cover the level of misery and pain I experience when I know someone, person or animal, is suffering.
I'm really not saying this to say I'm such a good person, at all. I actually hate being like this, cause it's like the pain, the suffering is happening to me, nothing short of this.

I had to find a way to cope to survive, spiritually and emotionally.
So perhaps what I'm going to say is very selfish, or unrealistic.
But the only way for me - beside stopping reading the news for days at end - has been focusing on the idea of the huge, sudden shift that is occuring at once, with consequences that perhaps would have never been possible without this virus.

I'm trying to think that many more women will be now really forced to leave homes where life has become unsustainable. That animals that are abandoned have now a huge attention by animal rights groups and are being rescued in huge numbers and perhaps will find more loving families, cause a family who adopts a dog or a cat right now is more likely to keep them for life. That illegal migrants, like is happening in Italy while I write, will be finally legalized and will have residency permits because our country needs workers for agricolture, urgently, since the seasonal workers from other countries can't travel anymore. And the government is scared that we won't be able to trace down positive people if they don't have documents and a social security number.

It's crazy, cause these are very selfish, self-preserving reasons, they are not humanitarian in the least.
Still, they are achieving results that nothing else has managed to achieve for years. This, without even mentioning the dramatic change in air pollution and global warming that lockdowns are producing.

I apologize for another long post. And for mixing so many elements.
But while I was reading the news last night I found myself spontaneously connecting all these dots and thinking, it's like our planet / God / Nature / The Universe, whatever you prefer, got really fed up about our half-assed attempts, general propositions and good will without real action and now is literally forcing upon us these choices, in a make-it-or-break it way.

Having said all this, no, intellectualism in not enough.
I'm not observant of any religion, but I'm with you; I'm praying the Universe too, so much, to give all of us the strentgh to be up to this huge, painful and exceptional task.
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ArtistDaughter Apr 2020
Perfectly said and not selfish at all in my opinion. I too look to what might, just might, be some positive action come out of all this horrible pain. And not just what occurs naturally without our intervention and change, but what we can finally understand about compassion, fairness, and care for our planet and take action on.
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So I was up sleepless thinking about domestic violence and woke up to find out that one of the worst mass shootings in Canada happened in Nova Scotia last night. Fourteen dead including an RCMP Constable. My husband was away working right near where it happened in March two years ago.

Sigh..................
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Shell38314 Apr 2020
That is horrible! I am sorry to hear this as if there isn't enough going on!😩


Hugs!!!
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A tribute to Italy by Steve McCurry.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e8xPukESw18&fbclid=IwAR1dPrWsv7U0lsrAoKNMWvBCcif1QufAGWiLuy5z-z6gGr_nEgU18DU7EiE


Arwen, I too am INFJ. Is this common in Italy?

Being empathetic makes life more painful but it also makes us more in tune with those who are suffering and that can be a good thing.

There is no doubt that we have to make a huge adjustment to this new situation. Life is unsafe in a way it has never been before for us.

Then also we need to process the additional expected but unexpected violences as in Nova Scotia, as you know is happening in abusive families, as the emotional violence of losing a loved one and not knowing where his/her body is and more.

Good is coming and more good will come of this and you are wise, Arwen, to focus on that.

We can't save the world, or stop this crisis, but we can be grateful for the good, and live our lives daily as best we can. That is not a small task. We can pray for those less fortunate than ourselves. We can support one another. We can smile and thank the delivery person, or grocery store cashier. We can "get up, dress up and show up" (Regina Brett) in our own lives and the lives of those that touch ours.

Arwen, never apologize for a long post, You are sharing your heart with us and that is precious.

Hugs to all of us sharing this journey. I think that is a big hug that stretches around the world. (((((((🌏)))))).
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Arwen31 Apr 2020
Oh Golden that was so beautiful that brought tears to my eyes.
Thank you SO much, I hadn't seen it. Steve McCurry is one of my favourite photographers and that song, I think it's in all Italians' hearts, in this moment. All'alba, vincerò. :)

No, there are not many INFJs in my country. Italy is very extraverted, sometimes I think I was born in the wrong place :D It's so nice to know that there are other INF people here, we are a bit like unicorns, from what I know.

I'm doing as you say. Get up, dress up, and show up.
I don't have many certainties in this moment, but I'm sure that you are exactly right in this.

((( hugs you)))
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I am an INFP-T apparently.
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pamzimmrrt Apr 2020
Why are my post coming up like this again!!!
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Hi Arwen,

I've been lurking on this forum for a while, but I had to sign up so that I could speak to you.

I want to thank you for sharing your journey through this scary time with us.

It was from seeing what was happening in the hallways in Italy that we realized we might badly need 10s of thousands of ventilators and our cities and states all started working on 'flattening the curve' based on what we'd seen in early mid March there.

I felt so horrible when the # of doctors dying kept going up in Italy. So sad and tragic, they are true hero's and I hope the famlies of those fallen doctors are well taken care of when the Italian government can do so. I know right now they are overwhelmed with so any expenses, but hopefully they help them with at least the doctors salaries for now, and more a few years down the road when Italy is on it's feet again.

Thank you for sharing your experiences, and your feelings with us, I saved several of your most inspiring and special thoughts you shared.

I hope you let us know how you are doing, even months after things are pretty much back to normal there down the road.

I'm in Eastern Wa state, we had the 1st deaths on the Western side of the state, and with Washington being on the news day in and out for a week (not the norm for our state) we were very aware of how it was spreading around the globe, so we were the earliest to start closing things down, and did so more and more over the weeks that followed in 2nd & 3rd week of March do to the inability to have any clue how many cases they had on the West side of the state (1000s a day travel from here to there and visa versa)

Since to this day we've had less than 1% tested on West coast, and only 5k tests out of 500k people on our side, we can only have an idea of how many were infected based on hospitalizations, those have been going down on both sides of our state, good news :)

Whitney
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Arwen31 Apr 2020
Hi Whitney,

thank you very much for signing up to write me.
Reading your stories and sharing here it's being a life saver for me, so I'm the one to feel grateful.

Doctors and nurses, here and in every country, have been living in a parallel world from us, I think. Nobody can imagine what they have seen, the choices they've been forced to make, the fear they might be experiencing.

I remember seeing the video of an anesthesiologist at the beginning of March. She's been the first and only one to tell people the truth, in very clear terms, that hospitals were already struggling to find enough respirators and beds in IC and should we get ill, God would have to save us, because they couldn't. It was March 7th. My perception of the whole situation shifted completely. The day after I decided to put all carers in holiday leave, I went for a last big shopping at the supermarket and planned for total isolation. The very same day Lombardy decided to go into a lockdown.
I strongly believe that the fact that many people including myself and my mother are still ok it's because of that video.

Doctors and nurses have been more than heroes here, they've been the only ones to tell us the real thing, to warn us, to save us. I'll be forever grateful to them, and I truly hope too that the aknowledgement will reward their huge work and sacrifice, as you say. We are scared of a second wave not only for us, but also for them. I truly hope the Government will get this right.

The problem of testing, both for positivity and immunity, is very big around here too. This is actually the only news we are trying to find on the papers, depending on the availibility of the testing system we'll know if all the things they are planning for lifting the lockdowns make sense, or not.

I'm so happy to hear that hospitalizations are going down in your state!
In our experience, that is the only piece of data we believe at the moment, since the number of contagions is a totally unknown quantity.
It's the only parameter we are looking at the moment, especially the one for IC.

Please keep us posted with your news.

A warm hug
x Arwen
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Pammzi,
I was lost too! And after having administered the Myers-Briggs tests, and the MMPI so many years ago, I was unfamiliar with the now popular Briggs Myers tests for personality. The abbreviations are what thru me.
Apparently, people reporting those abbreviations are saying their personality tested as empaths, introverts, (and other characteristics). On the Briggs Myers test.

You can search it online, and take a free test.

The MBTI stands for Myers Briggs (mother/daughter psychologists have both died).
Myers Briggs Type Indicator.

Thanks Gershun for telling me!
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pamzimmrrt Apr 2020
OK, in my defense I am a RT,, we don't give personality tests!.. LOL And I got hired over 20 years ago.. no personality test for me! But I have heard of MB,, just not the "types" they refer to!
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Hi Arwen,

I just saw your post today. Like you, I am alone in caring for my 80 year old father in the midst of this pandemic. The househelp who assists in cooking and cleaning have not been coming in. And like you, I am starting to feel frustrated and angry, especially when my father doesn't cooperate and creates more problems and work for me at home.

We are into 40+ days of quarantine at home. If you can share your thoughts, how do you plan to deal with this situation moving forward? I mean, the medical experts have been saying that the virus won't go away anytime soon and that we should expect a new normal, especially in the next 1-2 years until there is a vaccine. Just the thought of extending this type of situation for the next year is causing me much anxiety.

Hoping all is well with you!

Cheers!
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Arwen31 Apr 2020
Hi Jasmine,

your question couldn't be more timely.
I've been thinking and re-thinking about the same thing for weeks now, to the point that it became almost an obsessive thought. I have asked advice to all my friends and even to my doctor about it, most of them say it's too risky to make anybody come in until we won't be all tested.
None of them are in our situation though (yours and mine) and I don't think they fully realize the type of physical, mental and emotional effort that caring for an old person under these circumstances involves. So I have tried to come down with what I personally know to be a fact:

Fact 1. I'm exhausted. The thought of carrying on like this for months, in complete isolation, is not an option. I already feel like I'm not caring for my mom as I should, due to tiredness.

Fact 2. I did have to take risks myself, like going to the pharmacy as they have stopped delivery at home for some products. After a few days, since last Saturday, I started feeling the same symptoms of a month ago: chills, exhaustion, diarrhoea. There's a good possibility that I'm positive to the virus, right now, so I have started wearing a mask when I'm at my mother's even if I doubt this could be enough. It also might be due to sheer exhaustion, also from the doubt of being positive. In any case, it's not a good state to be if you want to help somebody. And it started feeling very stupid not to ask for help for avoiding risks if I might be a major risk myself.

Fact 3. They won't test us, neither for positivity or immunity, anytime soon. And in any case we still don't know how long one can be contagious or immune for. The only way they can test 60 million of people is with random samples, so the chance of being tested is like winning the lottery.

Fact 4. In one week time, on May 4th, they will lift the lockdown here; it will be a partial lifting, but there will be many more people around, while we are not ready in the least. This will mean much more risk for contagions, for everyone.

Fact 5. I have paid my mom's aids their full wage for the first month and 50% the second month of lockdown. I don't want to leave them stranded but I can't pay them forever either.

All this made me think that the time to act is now.
I have called my mom's main carer yesterday who hasn't been working for anybody else in these 2 months and has seldom gone out as she was very scared; we agreed that she will move in with my mother along with her dog from this Friday, 1st of May. She will only go out for walking the dog but she won't go to any shop / meet anybody until we'll know better. She will wear a mask when with my mother.
I have also called the cleaning person; he will come once a week, will work alone and then will open all windows. He was the one who actually asked to work alone, they are scared as well, which is more than understandable. While he's working, my mom and the carer will be in one room and will wait a few hours after he's gone so that the house will be ventilated.

This is my plan. I know it is risky, but I couldn't come up with anything better atm. It's been a very painful process for me, as for many of us, I guess, but I finally got to the conclusion that my Zero Risks strategy won't be possible for the next phase. Phase 2 won't be Freedom Phase, it will be Courage Phase I think. I'm bracing for it, Im very scared, but this is what I thought.

What do you think?

If you, or anybody else who reads this, has suggestions, warnings, better ideas, please, please share: I think this could be very useful to everybody now.

Thank you for your question Jasmine.
x Arwen
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Arwen, I think your plan is brilliant.

You have obviously thought about it and you are placing as many safety barriers as you can to protect everyone.

Well done!
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Arwen31 Apr 2020
Thank you Isthisrealyreal. It means a lot, as I'm feeling so nervous right now.
*hugs you*
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I think your plan sounds practical and well thought out, Arwen. Feel better soon!
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Arwen31 Apr 2020
Thank you, Barb. I really appreciate your wishes and it's so nice to hear from you, I've been thinking of you and all people in NY a lot. How are you? I know NY will be starting lifting the lockdown soon too...
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