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I called around asking about facilities, wanting to get an idea of what's out there, what I can and cannot afford, make visits, etc. in my husband's interest. I am just putting out feelers at this point. I've been care-giving for about 5 years now, am getting tired and unable to cope with increasing duties for my Alz/dementia husband.


One gentleman called and would like to visit us. I agreed in part to making an appointment for this visit at a later date. Have any of you had this situation before? Is he too eager or am I too suspicious?


Thanks in advance for any input!

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I have to agree, this seems odd. I would just call back and say you will need to cancel and will get back to him sometime next year.

When I placed Mom it was for respite care so I could go to a Wedding 7 hrs away. When I went to talk to the sales girl, I was told there was a 50% sale on the rent. I ended up placing Mom. She acclimated pretty well so was already comfortable there when I went to the wedding.

This is a big decision on ur part. You want to make sure all ur ducks are in a row. One thing you need to consider is splitting of your assets. Your husbands split will go to his care and when its gone, you apply for Medicaid. In my State, if the AL excepts Medicaid and Medicaid allows the private pay for at least two years, they may pay for him staying in the AL. This something u need to ask the ALs you interview. If u can't make the two years, he will need to go into LTC. Once on Medicaid you become the Community Spouse staying in the home, keeping a car and getting enough or all of your monthly income of SS and any pension to live on. There was a thread where Medicaid was asking for the surviving spouses 401k. There is a term that has been mentioned on this forum called "Spousal Refusal to support" (something like that) where you refuse to use your funds for husbands care.

An Elder Lawyer well versed in Medicaid can help you with splitting of assets and explaining the Spousal refusal.
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100% normal for an elder care representative to visit with potential client (upon a social worker referral)
Normally a facility representative visit a referred patient, who has been hospitalized. (for example: a stroke patient recovering within a hospital stroke rehab unit).
AND
100% normal to be cautious
At least in my U.S. state, a nursing home or assisted living admission representative will visit an applicant (inside the patient's hospital room) before an admission proceeds.

Your concern is justified nonetheless,
BUT you can reverse things by going to the facility for that meeting, since it's best to view elder care accommodations before admitting a relative.
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Now a days you can't be too careful. It does sound a bit odd to me, and I would be suspicious as well.
Everyone that I know(and that's been a lot)that have had to place their loved one, in any kind of facility, always went themselves to visit the different facilities they were interested in.
I've never heard of anyone coming to the house. That does sound a bit desperate on his part doesn't it?
If you're not comfortable with it, just call him back and cancel the appointment, and tell him that if and when you're needing a facility that you will come with your husband to check things out.
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Just explain you'd like to see the accommodations, etc & set a date/time to meet there.
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Sounds odd him coming to you. When my father was going to Al my husband and I visited about 8 of them then picked the top three and brought my father along. Once we picked a place they did send someone out to assess him to make sure it was a good fit.
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