Abuse of caregiver. Advice?

Lady, I really don't know what to tell you. You won't go because of the cats, but to stay is torture. You can't have it both ways. You are underpaid, a prisoner, treated like dirt day after day after day but yet you stay. Pack up those cats in borrowed cat carriers and get the heck out of there! Now! We can give you the best advice in the world, but if you don't take it, what good does it do? Pack a bag, call a cab and go to the police station. You can do this.

Rocknrobin: Agreed! Pack up your babies in cat carriers you could borrow from your local SPCA!

Quit negotiating with him!

LEAVE!!

I'm outta here ...

You know what? Why dont you put yourself in my shoes for just a moment. I'm trying to do the right thing. Yes,I feel like the devil is toying with me every day--go, stay, watch me play..... It seems sick and perverse to me. But I stayed up all night last night trying to figure out what to do, and i was so tired today from all the stress I couldn't think straight. So I just chilled. I want SO BADLY to walk out the door, but I need a place to go, and the police station wont help me. I realm wonder when people suggest things like that if they actually mean it. What good would going to the police station do me? Anyway, the shelters are full. I check daily. I m very unsure about what to do, and it seems to me that enduring another day here is smarter than getting in a uhaul and sleeping in it, but I'm not sure of ANYTHING. That's why I ask for advice. I listen to all suggestions and keep them in my mind as options/paths to take. I know it must seem like I'm stalling/avoiding, but, again, put yourself in my place. I have to DO SOMETHING, and if I can avoid making a mistake....well, I'm just saying maybe tomorrow, when my thinking is clearer, hopefully, something will seem more appropriate. I need some money when I leave here,and there ought to be a way to persuade him to give me some.but obviously I haven't fared too well on that front. Just praying for wisdom, guidance, and a windfall. I appreciate everything y'all have said, and i respect your opinions a great deal. Please believe that. I realm do appreciate the time and effort you've taken to help me. Im not ignoring any of it.

And, in case you haven't guessed it, mature, responsible decision-making doesn't come easily to me. I dont know if I have EVER made a really good decision. I have my doubts.

.....but I'm learning.

YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU DONT SOUND SCARED. I WOULD BE TERRIIFIED. . and you get angry at all the advice (yeah I read all the posts) and you do nothing. You have all the women on this board in some marathon to help you. You chose it because we are caregivers, right? IOW, a sucker for your lame story. The story changes and changes. First she is his victim and can't get out .. then he has gotten an evicition notice ... then miracle of miracles .. he gets kind again ... ? This tale goes on and on. Like jeannegibbs said, I am outta here!

I've told you the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I'm so sorry that you feel those things you just said. I'm not trying to mess with anyone or waste anyone's time. I wish it were more logical or plausible--as I told you, I've been in a state of shock for a very long time and really can't believe this is happening. Everyone I know has reacted pretty much like you have--washing their hands of me. It hurts my feelings, and I'm really trying to do the right and proper thing. The last thing I would ever do intentionally is anger someone or hurt them. I just don't want to do that. But I guess I should just keep my problems to myself because I DO seem to be making people angry or offended. I am going to try to handle this in the most responsible and appropriate way I possibly can. With God's help, maybe I will have something good to report soon. I'm really sorry if I annoyed you or wasted your time. I came on here with the best of intentions to find a solution for my cats and me. And I truly thank you all for your time,effort, and guidance. I'm really grateful to you all.

And I'm sorry you feel I "lashed out at you," but I suppose it does hurt my feelings that you think I'm lying. I didn't mean to lash out, however. But how does someone convince others that they're not lying? Again, I'm so sorry to have offended ANY of you in ANY WAY. I truly just wanted your advice and opinions/expertise..

I just have to say one more thing: I am terrified. I am completely alone in this world. I have no one to lean on for support or even a kind word. Everyone is hostile toward me, and I am paralyzed with fear. But I do have faith, and I ask God every day to help me overcome my fear with faith. I know that God wants the best for me and has great plans for me. I want to be a victorious overomer, and not a pathetic victim. I'm determined, and somehow i am going to do it.

Dallasmt--
May I ask where you are located? I can't believe that there is nowhere for you to go! This IS abuse, and I also cannot believe that the police don't do anything.
Your love for your cats is greater than your love for yourself. You say nothing about the person for whom you are caregiving. How can you do this if you are unable to walk? You are being abused and by connection, your client is being abused. Call Elder care services. YOU are an elder, too. Call neighbors, call the local churches--seriously, you are going to wind up dead if you don't move.
No women's domestic shelter in my state would turn you away (altho, if you insist on keeping the cats--that may be problematic for a while--not everyone loves cats and many people are horribly allergic) I don't want to put you down, but you have received great advice so far---you've got to get out of there and fast. Obviously you are a loving person...so love yourself for a while and GET OUT. Wishing you all the best and scared for you, too!

I do not wish to sound argumentative, Midkid58, but women's shelters HAVE turned me down. They're full, they say, and they cater to victims of DOMESTIC violence, not violence at the hand of the employer. Each one of them has told me that. And the police just tell me to leave so that the "situation" ends. They seem annoyed that I haven't left yet, and are not sympathetic when I tell them I have nowhere to go. In fact, EVERYONE responds just like you and they did--disbelief that there isn't a place for me to go in Dallas. To answer your question about my client.....i take care of her by crawling up the stairs, walking bent over, and sitting down after each task. It's not fun, but I get the job done. She stays in bed around the clock now. Elder care services told me to call Adult Protective Services. The lady said she'd never dealt with caregiver abuse before. Neighbors REALLY don't want to get involved. I've called/written a few churches--they give me phone numbers for the same shelters, each and every one of them. I thought that they might be more helpful, but so far, no, they're not. I know this sounds like excuses and lies, but it's the truth. That's the way it's been happening, and it is surprising.

If it was Houston, I'd send my daughter over to get you in a heartbeat. I have a very good friend in Dallas. I am 100% sure she could and would help you. PM me if you want her info and I will call her.

Midkid: You are truly kind to suggest tthat help!

Yes she is!!

Here's for you animal lovers/advocates: I'm sitting here, so exhausted and frazzled from trying to find a place to live, and all I can think about is helping animals. Yes, I need to help my own animals first, but.....I'd like to have a charity that helps homeless people with their pets--food. Vet care, maybe even lodging in the future.....i would also like to do a fairly simple project--make these little cat houses out of containers, styrofoam, and straw....inexpensive/easy to make.....and put them in areas where feral cats hang out (or not feral). It would B pretty easy to do, and it would make a difference, I know. Ok, so I'm wanting to do these good things.....ive been thinking about helping animals for a long time, and I KNOW that's what I truly want to do....so now I need to find a place to live, a vehicle, and some MONEY (well, I guess the money needs to come first). I guess my mind is tired of thinking about negative stuff.....it's kind of strange, though, but maybe God is telling me to do something that actually helps......but I'm excited! And maybe too tired....maybe need sleep....

I'm talking to you lil you are my friends....i hope that you are.....

appreciate your kind and thoughtful answers. I really do......BUT ...i would like to redirect this conversation, if I may be so bold, because I have followed your suggestions. Over and over again I have called shelters and animal groups. Women's shelters cater to victims of DOMESTIC violence and their children--human families. They have never had an opening on the numerous occasions i have checked, and that may be why. I am a pretty serious animal advocate, at least on Facebook. I am one of those people who share every homeless dog and cat, as well as target and petition the abusers, and drive all my "friends" crazy. That is my passion, and I am not ashamed to pursue it, even at the risk of losing friends. I share posts with many, many animal rescue groups every day. Granted, I haven't BEGGED them yet, and maybe I shall, but they stay overflowingly full with abandoned, neglected, sick, homeless, and orphaned canines and felines. It's a bit of a conflict for me since I would probably be sentencing to death four other needy animals if they boarded mine for me. BUT I HAVE ASKED, numerous times. Heck, my brother is a foster/rescuer, and he said no! (we're not close). I will continue to purse these options as I have no choice. I don't mind asking. But now I'd like to know about, well, either getting even or getting what's coming to me. I've worked EVERY SINGLE DAY for 2.5 yrs without day off. I've been prohibited from receiving medical care (which I now desperately need) because he 1) doesn't pay me enough to afford it, 2) wont allow me time off, and 3) now, he will not sign a prop of income/residence I need to go to low-cost clinic. So I've stayed in outrageous pain at his hand. The abuse I've suffered is mainly the struggles I've endured because of lack of money and cooperation. Even the fact that he won't take me to get food becomes a huge struggle, especially since I cannot walk. Sometimes it takes me 3 or 4 days to find a ride. People know what's going on here and dont want to be involved. I would like to bring legal proceedings and/or an exposé on the abuse of the caregiver. People would be so surprised to learn that this well-connected, "elite" family from the city's most prestigious neighborhood actually beats on their help and abuses their live-in caregiver (a 58 yr old woman). What a coward and a bully. Any thoughts/suggestions on this plan?

""Oh, and one more thing, he DID try to harm my cats. """

yourself in my shoes for just a moment. I'm trying to do the right thing. Yes,I feel like the devil is toying with me every day--go, stay, watch me play..... It seems sick and perverse to me. But I stayed up all night last night trying to figure out what to do, and i was so tired today from all the stress I couldn't think straight. So I just chilled. I want SO BADLY to walk out the door, but I need a place to go, and the police station wont help me. I realm wonder when people suggest things like that if they actually mean it. What good would going to the police station do me? Anyway, the shelters are full. I check daily

"""Reasons I have not left: 1) no convenient place to go -- alone, no family, 2) unsure about career plans/nervous about job market re-entry, and 3) I have a "background.," and it puts me at a self-perceived, overwhelming disadvantage. Not the best reasons, to be sure. I get overwhelmed by those reasons, then add present lack of confidence to "battered" lack of confidence/self-esteem.....im working on it. Oh, plus i don't have a car and it's not pleasant to leave the premises because I can cause confrontation (so can anything else). Now ADD TO THAT the fact that I cannot walk/stand right now, and....a pitiful/pathetic combo and i hate that I let all that stuff he to me. I'm just being honest... """""

I do not wish to sound argumentative, Midkid58, but women's shelters HAVE turned me down. They're full, they say, and they cater to victims of DOMESTIC violence, not violence at the hand of the employer. Each one of them has told me that. And the police just tell me to leave so that the "situation" ends. They seem annoyed that I haven't left yet, and are not sympathetic when I tell them I have nowhere to go. In fact, EVERYONE responds just like you and they did--disbelief that there isn't a place for me to go in Dallas. To answer your question about my client.....i take care of her by crawling up the stairs, walking bent over, and sitting down after each task. It's not fun, but

I'm not asking ANYONE for ANYTHING. I'm NOT asking for money. Please quit calling me names. I'm not any of those things. I guess I'm just not too smart thinking I could just say what's on my mind. I won't make that mistake again, and I'm sorry. I'm probably not coping as well as I should. It's hard being alone. I don't like it. I have to be really careful about everything I say, and i let my guard down here. I said what I was feeling. I just can't do that because people just don't understand. Maybe I am crazy. Maybe I have completely lost touch. I guess I should be quiet, thank you for your kind responses, and be grateful that I haven't made more people angry than i have. I really hate that you throw everything I've said back at me as though there were malice and manipulation in my words. I have really been trying to do the right thing, but I guess I haven't succeeded. Again, I apologize. I shouldn't have posted here. My story is all true, but it's my story. It's the way I see it. And I'm hurt. I'm really hurt. So at the risk of repeating myself over and over, I apologize. If you think I have misused this forum, I apologize. I apologize for wasting your time. I apologize for offending you, and i apologize for everything I've done that's inappropriate or offensive. Thank you and good night.

Jumie, I suspect others came to the same conclusion you did and just stopped responding. The "yes, but" answers are a pretty good clue to whether or not any advice is going to be taken.

Garden Artist: Exactly. To the ladies on this site I apologize for getting angry. I am really kind person and very giving, but this just got to me. Worried that some of you kind ladies would give her money or get in some trouble. It happened on a prayer site im on. on we had this lady come and pretend she was homeless with two kids, big long unbelievable story and later on asking for emails and stuff and the Admin came in and put a stop but not before this (proven scammer) got money wired to her. So, do not feed the troll. and if she wants help it is there. lots of great information form all the kind ladies here who looked up stsuff for her and tried. Well, back to business, as usual.

Sometimes it takes a wake-up call for a poster to realize that the run of sympathy has been detected and is past its peak.

I've seen those kinds of posts you mentioned as well, including on DIY sites. One woman requested crowd funding to help her rehab an old shack she allegedly bought, presenting a sob story of how she was trying to preserve history, blah, blah, blah.

One astute poster cut her sob story short by advising that if she wanted to remodel a junky shack, she should have obtained funding for it before starting. Others put her in her place as well.

Whether (a) she really was the woman in the photo standing next to the shack or whether she was a man or someone sitting in a dark basement finding sites on which to post sob stories to sucker people out of money, or (b) whether the shack shown on the website was really hers or not.....will never be known. But at least she was put in her place and stopped soliciting on the DIY forum.

Poster did contact me with a "hug" but didn't want my help. My friend in Dallas would literally take this woman, cats and all into her home, no questions asked. She "thanked me" but refused help.
I would never break the "private message" privacy policy...but felt that you all had a right to know. She DID have an offer of a safe place--but didn't take it. This speaks volumes to me, how about the rest of you?

Midkid, you just confirmed my suspicions and conclusions. And I think you're right to share this. Actually, just because someone uses a PM rather than an open message doesn't mean we're obligated to keep those confidences. I respect and generally agree, but using a PM is a way for someone to initiate a communication that we wouldn't necessary agree needs to be kept private.

I think these comments by Dallas are also interesting:

'Here's for you animal lovers/advocates: I'm sitting here, so exhausted and frazzled from trying to find a place to live, and all I can think about is helping animals."

(Oh, pul-leeze! Does she think we're idiots?)

Years ago one of the Senate committees held a hearing on fraud in "charitable" solicitations, forcing out the fact that many of the tear jerker letters were in fact written by beltway bandits sitting in the DC area in air conditioned offices pretending to be elsewhere....out in fields or rundown houses rescuing pets from abuse, slogging through rain forests looking for remains of POWs, MIAs, whatever....

One story I'll never forget was a letter soliciting funds to search for MIAs from the Vietnam war.

It read almost like the first quote in this post:

"Here I am sitting in (a ship was named but I don't remember what it was ) in the Gulf of Tonkin, thinking of all the men who went missing and haven't been located since the end of the Vietnam War...."

Gee, doesn't that sound like Dallas' approach? Hmmmmm ... using a fund raising tactic, and eventually raising the issue of needing money...anyone else see similarities?

Then there's the comment:

"I'm talking to you lil you are my friends....i hope that you are....."

Unbelievable, just really unbelievable that someone thinks we're such dupes as to be fooled by this patronizing remark.

I am so glad I didn't get involved in this thread. My spider sense went wild right from the beginning. If someone legitimately wants help they will take the advice given, not make excuses for everything. Troll.
Angel

Yep, DUPED, right from the start!!! All of the Ya Buts!!! Jumie, and Midkid, I know you were on to her , but continued with advice and even offers of outright help, until it became so abundantly clear. It was a really sad story too, but in Dallas, Texas? Come On, that was her first mistake, if she were in the middle of nowheresville, Maybe But, Mainstreet, USA, nope, I don't believe in a heartbeat, that there isn't a lot of help available, with all of the kind and many suggestions given, and I do believe that the Police would Help, I KNOW that the Police would arrange transportation and even investigate, if this were happening in my neighborhood. However, I'm sure this thread did help someone along the way, at least it proves, that there are some Amazingly kind and goodhearted people on this site who will Always go, above and beyond to help a stranger, And That truly warms my Heart!!!!!