Hi all, my dad is late stage with Alzheimer’s and wears pull up diapers. He is good with getting them on and keeping them on, but continues to ask to go to the bathroom. He does have accidents from time to time, hence the diapers, but while trying to help him into the bathroom he gets aggressive with us. Pushing, hitting and twisting our arms and fingers. If we do manage to get him on the toilet he is uncomfortable and is constantly sliding back or onto the side and breaking the seal of the toilet at the bottom and causing leaks from all his moving. He’s having trouble using the diapers when he feels he has to pee or have a bowel movement but gets very stressed from us helping him into the bathroom. We’re worried about any health risks from him holding his bowel movements for so long but can’t continue to put our or his safety at risk getting him into the bathroom. Does any one have any advice?
If dad is at the point where he's hurting you by hitting you, pinching you, twisting your arms and fingers while using the toilet, and breaking the seal to boot, two things need to happen in my opinion. One, he needs calming meds prescribed by his doctor. Why allow him to be THIS agitated when there is Ativan to relax him? My mother had good success with that med during her worst Sundowning episodes.
Secondly, you can dress dad in Alzheimer's anti strip clothing available on Amazon and Depends and not offer him use of the toilet or the commode. Let him use the briefs to urinate and defecate in until and unless he is calm enough to use the toilet w/o hurting you or breaking it. There has to be some line you draw about what constitutes "too much" in terms of in home care and what's tolerable. If you reach the point where dad's care is no longer manageable at home, get him placed in a hospice facility or SNF for end of life care.
Wishing you the best of luck with all of this.
I would also suggest a set bathroom schedule so that he gets used to going to the bathroom and it is not a rushed task.
And when he does go to the bathroom give him time.
Do you know why he is hitting and reluctant to have you help? Is he afraid? embarrassed? Would he accept help from a man, or a hired caregiver?