My 92 1/2 yr. mom lives in FL, condo, by herself. We have help only 12 hrs./wk., on a good wk. rn. She has no neighbors any more to check on her, won't ever carry her cell phone, nor wear a med alert so we gave that up. She has dementia is very mobile w/ her rollator, and does ADL well though I don't know how much food she is eating. My sister and I have found nice IL/AL centers, have been talking to mom about them since May. Done the whole 9 yards, showing her the facility online, walking through the videos/photos on line, then we talk about selling her apt. She has verbally been much looking forward to it. And yesterday on the phone, I can't do change, I like my surroundings, yada yada. As we were ready to pay the community fee today, the red flag went up. My sister and I are guilty of letting her continue to live by herself but us killing ourselves, especially me since I've been traveling down to her condo every 4-6 weeks for going on 4 years. Yes, I know that's crazy. So, I can't force her physically. And have thought about saying if you don't move then I will bring home agency for which you will pay dearly (she is very money conscious even though she has plenty) or you move to IL/AL in FL. I'm so over it. We get constant phone calls about her wallet missing, CC missing, the whole enchilada with short term memory issues. Just looking for some wisdom from those of you who have been through this. I did report her to the DVM, and know the paperwork got there, she didn't tell me so I'm guessing I will find it when I get there. Thank you.
I'm heading down this week as planned, told her I had an appt with a realtor about selling her condo (she won't remember) but maybe she might see the reality.
Stop horsing around with mom before she hurts herself and ends up in a long term care facility with brain injury or worse. You have to be the boss.
She does not have to agree to the move.
If you or your sister were not "helping" what would happen to her? 12 hours a week is nothing when it comes to monitoring a person with dementia. By "helping" her you are just deluding yourselves.
They were the hardest words I ever said and I had to explain myself, but mom finally "got it".
Tell her you are no longer going to endanger your health catering to her wants and mean it.
I doubt that she will be able to continue to live on her own without endless complications.
I don’t know how people manage to talk their parents into going into assisted living facilities.
Do you think that she feels that you are going to continue to travel back and forth to her place? Have you told her explicitly that this cannot continue?
It isn’t reasonable for her to say to you that she doesn’t “do changes.” She isn’t capable of making rational decisions anymore.
Best wishes to you and your family.