she is 86, we have no family, just each other. This past year has gotton worse, she is fine during the day, but come 5 pm, she maybe drunk by 7pm, it is like it hits her all at once, or maybe she is sneaking it. She always denies being drunk. She hardly walks any more, except to make a drink, she has no strength, refuses to walk or get any exercise, wont fix herself food anymore, only eats if I fix it, it is like she is punishing me. I ask her daily what you like to do, or go somewhere, she says no. She is incontinent and uses that as to why she wont go or do anything. When I ask her what can I do? She says look at me, my life, I have nothing to live for as she looks around at her room, which by the wsy is very very nice. All she wants to do is watch tv, lord dont interupt her while she is watching a program, she cant open a bottled water but she knows how to use TVo......I hired some one to come at noon to fix her lunch and chat with her.....she hated that. Now me....cant leave the house after 6pm because she will drink more and fall, when I go the neighbor's and am gone maybe 3 hrs I come home to find her on the floor.so I dont go out because I am afraid the ambulance will come while I am gone. My neighbprs have had to come help me put her in bed 2 times this past month when she has fallen. Mymheart is breaking she is so unhappy......my heart is also broke for me......have no life, cant go anywhere, I use to have friends and a life, I have alot anger I think now....I get mad easily, losing my patience, not with her with everything.....I quit my job last week.....because I was not happy...now the placed I worked was crazy and toxic....to be honest not a great place at all....so probably a good thing....in all honesty....but I need the money. If I tell my mom how I feel she crys and sahs she just wants to die, which makes me cry and feel the same way... I say to myself every day maybe it is me and I am a terrible care giver to her, I need to do more. But the more I do the less she does....she wont let me manage her meds....which is a problem when combined with alcohol.....geeze am I a whinner or what....as I sit here it is 7pm and she is drunk in bed and passed out......now I wait till 10pm for her to get up and go pee and fall and scream my name so I can go running.....yes I am pitifull....geeze. if the weather is not below freezing I stay out most the day on the farm with the animals, because that is the my solice time.....please dont criticize to much what I need are steps to get in a better p, a e with her and for me.....thank you for taking the time to read my venting...
You have some steps to take (if you choose to) and I agree with pamstegman: you need support. Start with Al Anon. You might also go to an Alzeimer's caregiver support group, beleive it or not, even though your mom does not have Alz. They are very organized, very large, and very powerful. They also give free seminars on the legal and financial aspects are caregiving, which apply to everyone. That would be the reason for your going: free lagal guidance and hearing from other caregivers who no doubt go through a really hard time. Good luck to you and keep us posted.
You would both be happier if she had 24/7 care and was eating well and had people at her table 3 times a day.