Advice on finding an on-call 'backup' support person to assist with my mum's needs?

I’m posting this although it may not be relevant to OP, because there has been almost no mention of ‘things you can do’ - apart from Burnt moving the lady into diapers for the night. These threads go into the records, and this might be a useful addition.

It’s worth checking why the falls happen. MIL’s happened when she got out of bed in the dark at night. We reduced that problem with a touch lamp, so she could see, and wake up better before she moved. MIL also had a subscription to the ambulance service, which would simply come and pick her up.

My sister’s fall was made worse because she had no idea how to help herself get up. She is paralysed down one side, but has strength in the other side, and she can roll. She expected someone to lift her as a dead weight, straight off the floor, which was unsafe for the lifter. She could have done a lot of it herself, if she and the lifter knew what to do.

There are very good videos on the net about how to lift, usually with the help of a chair or other furniture. If the person can kneel and lean on their elbows, a chair or two can make steps, with another chair put under their bottom when they are high enough. Working out the available furniture in advance can help. Covering the person on the floor, with a pillow and a hot drink, can mean they recover from the shock of the fall, and calm down before you try anything else. They will probably have to wait for a service to arrive, so it’s a good strategy anyway.

Rails in useful places in the house can help a lot, so can mini lights on door jams to walk towards, and fluorescent tape markings on the carpet can help someone walk in the right direction. Most places have a service that can come to check the house and suggest safety improvements. Sometimes they will even pay for them!

All these suggestions of course depend on the lifter and the person in trouble. But at least in the early stages, many of the problems in finding an adequate lifter can be solved – and they may otherwise be very expensive when repeated.

I live in a rural area with a volunteer fire. They too come out for lift assists. My dad was on this department for many years and I pretty much know all of the older guys. That said, they are volunteers and while they do get a nominal amount for calls, this is not a 24/7 staffed department . When a call comes in, they leave what they are doing ...jobs, home, bed etc. to respond to the call. Because of this, I see it a bit different. I had to call several times between mother's broken hip and her last trip in to be assessed. Its time....she needs to be in an assisted living situation. At some point you may have to come to the realization that it just isn't feasible long term.

Most folks I know have resorted to calling EMS or the local fire department. If your father is not strong enough to pick your mom up off the floor, look into assistive devices that can help with this - doctor can make a referral to physical therapy for this. It also might be a good idea for both of your parents to allow paid caregivers into their situation so hopefully mom and dad will continue to thrive.

w00dmann: Imho, it is always best to use Emergency Medical Services (EMS) for a slip and fall as these are trained medical professionals since anyone else puts themselves at risk for injury. An EMT is trained in the proper lifting technique so as to not injure their back. My late mother lived alone many states away from me (her choice). I now communicate with a retired EMT friend who said he responded to my mother's residence for a slip and fall a few times. Generally, the EMT will pick the individual up from the floor and ask if in fact they want to go to the hospital after they've assessed their needs.

Retired EMS here - in most areas, EMS will respond to a Lift Assist anytime. That’s the way it was in Ohio, and also where I retired to in Florida. Papa fell ALL the time (Parkinson’s = the fall down disease). In both jurisdictions, this was done free of charge.

I agree with the other writers, it is so so easy for your elderly Father to injure himself trying to do this alone. Please try to convince him to stop. He’ll end up in rehab and then what will your Mother do?

I will be 89 and have not a soul and speak from many years of varied experiences and exposures to this situation for myself and my family and others. NEVER, EVER - UNLESS YOU ARE VERY, VERY LUCKY AND ARE TRULY BLESSED - is it logical to think you will ever find anyone, no matter who or what or where or how - who will come so quickly in emergencies. It just is not going to happen and if it does, how long will it last. You have to face the fact that when things get really bad, you have to place the person in a facility. No one can handle everything for someone else if they themselves have problems. It is just impossible. Please look into this - at least there is some care there.

My husband falls periodically. I am 82 and cannot lift him. Even if I could lift I prefer the EMTs to do it and assess him when he is back in bed. We made the mistake a few years ago of lifting him ourselves and putting him in the recliner or bed. Turned out he had two fractured vertebrae aand ended up in hospital and rehab for forty-five days.

We joined a local community ambulance service in Philadelphia. It was about $40-50 a year. Phila Police are swamped with other issues and a few times she received a huge bill when needed an ambulance after a fall. Support your local community ambulance companies and this may work out for you. Good luck.

I've experienced this many times as a homecare caregiver. Having a client fall and not be able to get them back up. Or not being able to do the transfer from wheelchair to bed on my own. Sometimes when you have a dead weight client and didn't get the perfect position on the transfer and can't put it right on your own. I've had to gently put client on the floor instead of having them fall and get injured. Then I'd sometimes need an assist. Many times there isn't anyone in the house to help so the paramedic have to.
What I always did was to call the paramedics (EMS) in my city and tell them that I need what is called a 'lift assist' for a client because they'd fallen.
I'm sure if your father has to call the paramedics and explains that it's not an emergency and he needs a 'lift assist' with your mother, they will not have a problem with it.
What might work for your parents' situation is to hire an aide or two who will work at different times of the day as fall prevention rather than to get her back up.
You say that your mother's mobility is basically zero. Is she in a wheelchair? The most likely times for a fall will be during the AM care of getting her up and dressed and into her wheelchair. Toileting times (if she still uses a toilet), and PM care when she's getting ready for bed and being transfered.
I would advertise for private aide care who will come for two hours in the AM and two hours in the PM. Or less if your father doesn't want that much.

We went through the same issue. Home Health Care Agencies won't "pick up". We were told even if my Mom fell right in front of them, all they would do is keep her calm & call Paramedics. Home Health Care employees will NOT risk their backs to lift dead weight off of the floor.
If a Hoyer Lift is in the room, they would be able to use that if they were there at the time, as long as she was not injured.

Neighbors will never help. 1. They don't want to risk their backs, and their future health in lifting. 2. They don't want the liability. 3. They don't want to be that involved in a neighbor's life.

If a family member is not there to lift - the only option is Emergency Services. Usually the Fire Dept. Usually there's no charge. Where we live it's a $175 charge, not covered by any insurance. Check with your local FD in advance.

You might be able to establish a relationship with a Home Health care Agency in their area so that the agency knows you and knows your needs. If you do not have an aide scheduled, you could put in a call for someone to come help as soon as someone is available for a shift. They will not be able to rush right over to help your mother up--that may still have to be EMS or the Fire Dept for a "lift assist.".

I guess I don't see the problem with his calling paramedics to get her back up. They are trained to do this quickly and safely, and once they get her seated they'll perform a quick assessment to determine if she needs medical care.

I'd expect paramedics receive several calls like this for every call that requires an ambulance and/or emergency treatment.

If these falls and calls happen every day that's a problem, but if it's just once-in-a-while this seems a good solution.

Same thing happened to us with our mom. The Dr said it is no longer safe for them to be home alone. Either find in home care 24/7, which we couldn't, due to Covid or place her in a home, which we did. That's your choice if you cant move in with them or have them move in with you it seems. Good luck to all.

I would contact her doctor and ask for a physical therapist to come in and evaluate home . They can help with medical equipment for bathing or teaching the client how to get up after a fall . These lifelines are helpful for contacting help . Get some physical and occupational therapy in place it really helps .

Fire and Rescue should always be called to assist and access after a fall.

Your mom needs to be thoroughly checked especially in light of her many medical issues. She could easily fracture a bone and need transport to hospital.

No one will take the responsibility or risk hurting themselves lifting her.

In my area police are happy to come and pick him up

The Life Alert systems (necklaces, bracelets) will send people to help with falls and help contact people who need to be contacted.

We have a Falls Response service, too, needtowashhair, but its existence isn't widely known to the public (although the number is included on our Useful Information sheet given to clients. Which they rarely read). As the service is basically three retired firemen and one of those inflatable cushions covering the entire county that's probably just as well.

W00dmann, I hope you've read your father the Riot Act about not attempting to lift her? But there are techniques you can look up online for using verbal prompts and (e.g.) items of furniture to help a person get up by herself with minimal physical support.

Try Googling "falls responders" for your parents' local area and see if that sheds any light. And do they have an alarm system - a lifeline pendant, anything like that?

Whether or not to call the paramedics should be considered every time, but there are many instances when it really isn't necessary: the classic is when the person has simply slipped forward from sitting on the front edge of her armchair and is stuck on the floor. Time consuming and frustrating! - but not dangerous.

Where I live, and in many other places here in the US, the police/fire department offer a free pick up service. It's literally what it sounds like. For non-medical situations they will send over a couple of people to pick someone up who otherwise wouldn't be able to get up. It may take some time for them to come though. Pretty much they fit it in when they don't have anything else to do.

Yes, sort of. Family would be called for every fall. (Although if head strike suspected or other injuries, EMS called).

Once this became too hard, too frequent & frankly, just too much, others were required. By that I mean regular aides & EMS for every fall.

This involving 'non-family' is a major hurdle for many I suspect. (Like it is ok to break the backs of people you are related to but not *strangers*....!?) Eventually, after many threats (& much time on the floor) non-family became more involved. These are now so familiar, they are certainly more friends than strangers 😃.

However, having an aide or caretaker 'on-call' will not work.

What CAN work is an aide visit a few times a week for high fall risk activities eg bathing.

Plus those home OT/PT assessments. Having the right grab rails & equipment can really help. So can practical advice on transfers for your Dad.

With all due respect, I think calling the paramedics is exactly the right thing to do.

Mom neds to be checked out with each fall for injuries.

Old people fall, no matter where they are.

Has your parents' home been vetted by an OT or PT for safety?