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My mother lives in independent care with some outside help. She isn't allowed to smoke there, but she does, mostly on the porch and sometimes in her bathroom. She does not really care that it is not allowed. If she needs assisted living, which I think is coming, she won't be allowed to smoke at all.
Has anyone ever helped their parent quit smoking?

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Assuming she’s a longtime smoke with little desire to quit, I doubt there’s much you can do to help. My dad quit a huge smoking addiction early in his career, cold turkey, when his doctor told him it would soon cost him his career if he didn’t, that was huge motivation. We have friends with a mom in assisted living, she’s a longtime smoker with no ability or desire to quit. She had to transition to vaping in assisted living, which is allowed in the one where she lives. That’s as close to quitting as she will ever be. I wish you the best in this, battling a long addiction isn’t easy
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That is unusual. My brother's ALF did allow smoking, and had a particular place to do it that was outside and some little distance from their cottages.

Have you spoken to you Mom about this? Because I think at this point if this is a medical necessity she needs to know that, and she will need to speak with her doctor about whether or not she can safely medically use nicotine gum or patches. They can be a bit dangerous heart-wise for elderly if not correctly used.

I think with any serious addiction, and cigarettes are one, you cannot be of tremendous help other than speaking with your Mom, and seeing to it that there is an MD consult before this happens. Speak also to the admins at the facility, for this cannot be a new problem to them. And I wish you the best of luck.
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Many AL while they will not allow smoking in the building will allow it outside, generally in 1 area on the premises.
You / she can try the patch. She can try the gum.
But unless she WANTS to quit these methods will not work.
When/if she moves to AL if she does not have access to a vehicle it will be more difficult for her to get cigarettes but not impossible. Most AL will do weekly shopping trips or there are friends or other residents that might provide cigarettes.
From what you have written.."she does not really care that it is not allowed" it does not sound like she wants to quit. (and if she does so in AL and is caught she may be asked to leave) This might be a situation where if it is possible she remains where she is and pays for more caregivers either more caregivers or longer hours to enable them to help her with increasing needs.
You do not mention dementia so hoping that she will forget that she smokes is out of the question.
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Thank you for your responses.
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I know of several people who have quit smoking by using a hypnotist. Ask around and maybe you’ll find one.
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If a life-long smoker lives to be elderly and didn't die of smoke-related illness then I say let them smoke as much as they want.
They beat the game if they're still smoking in old age.
If such time should come where you may have to move her to AL, find one that has a smoking area.
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Everyone I know who quit smoking did it cold turkey. They just stopped. Sometimes they did it on their own other times they were forced ( in the hospital and they would not allow smoking). One would think the cost would be enough to get people to quit. It was for my wife.
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I would check with the director of the care home and see if there is a place she can go to smoke. She is not going to quit and if she is old, what's the harm? It is probably one of the few things that she enjoys at this point, so let her have something that brings her comfort.
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Hothouseflower Mar 2023
Agreed. Maybe they have a designated area where residents can smoke. I live in a condo where no smoking is allowed, except for the designated area.

Speaking for myself, I plan to start smoking again when I hit 80. I quit a long time ago but really miss it. I figure when I'm on borrowed time anyway as an old lady of 80, why not start up again. We all die of something. It's better than dying in bits and pieces in your 90s as a nonsmoker as I'm witnessing my parents doing.
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Of course you would love to see your mom stop smoking. It is the thing that would help her more than any other thing to not worsen any health issues she might have and to enjoy her final years in decent health.
My husbands sister smokes. She has been in the hospital a few times for serious surgeries. She always has to quit while there but goes right back to it. She will not pay for things she really needs if it means she can’t afford her cigarettes. She has had hypertension since she was in her 20s. Always thin, the doctor really leaned on her to quit. She has no intention of quitting. We don’t say anything anymore. She is the only person in her family who smokes except for her partner. Her husband smoked and died of cancer.
She was prescribed Prozac awhile back. I wondered why they didn’t give her Wellbutrin which is supposed to help a person quit and stay off. Another drug is Chantix. If your mom wants to quit then do try to find her any and all aids that might help. But if she doesn’t want to, you will be spinning your wheels. The threat of not being able to smoke somewhere else is more of the push she has already rebuffed in the past. That muscle is very well developed.

My DH is diabetic. All his siblings are as were his parents. He spends a small fortune on drugs to treat the diabetes. He also sees a nutritionist and a therapist in an effort to help figure out why he sabotages himself. He wears a glucose monitor. He has gone on hospital directed diets and lost lots of weight and paid lots of money and gained it all back. He says jokingly that he just hasn’t figured out yet that he isn’t going to die if he misses a meal. Although he has also tried intermittent fasting. He reads labels. He understands how many calories he can have and lose weight. He will not exercise and he will not let the cupboards have a bare spot.
Oh he has exercised like after his heart attack and did great with it. Loved it. Felt better as everyone does who exercises.
When that cardio rehab was over he was to find an activity he could/would do. Still hasn’t. I try not to say anything to him about it anymore. It is up to him to decide he would rather live without the monkey on his back. He does try after a fashion and i am thankful for that.

I think I would try therapy, physical and talk, and I would talk to her doctors about the meds that could support her habits.
I would also take her to a pulmonary doc and a cardiologist. So she can hear/see what damage she is doing and what they suggest. Sometimes people make more of an effort when they are face to face with the facts. Nagging is no good for anyone.

I think it’s great you want to support your mom in quitting.
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AmyPoff: Cessation of a nicotine addiction may require the help of a physician or other medical professional who would offer, quite possibly, a nicotine patch or gum to stop smoking. As with any other addiction, the individual must want to cease, else they will go to great lengths to obtain cigarettes, endangering their health all the while, especially their lungs.
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