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My brother who is POA wants a house key and says I can’t drive her car or use bank card like I have been doing past 6 years. She wanted me to stay home and paid me to but he wasn’t told that. She didn’t tell him.
Will Mom be coming home after the 100 days, Medicare helps pay for, or will she go into LTC? Is she going to pay privately, or will she be going on Medicaid, And if on Medicaid, I hope you had something in writing saying that Mom was paying you to care for her. As the POA, I feel brother should have been aware of the agreement. Because with nothing in writing, paying you may cause Medicaid penalties.
If Mom is of sound mind, a POA is not in effect. If she has been declared incompetent then maybe brother has a leg to stand on. I can see him not wanting u to drive the car if not on the insurance as a driver. Same with her bank card. But asking for house key when u live there in a little over the top. Can u pay the utilities, taxes, etc?
I think you need to be upfront with brother. How does he think you have been supporting urself the last 6 yrs. If he is still addimate in u leaving, tell him to evict u. If Mom is competent, he can't do it. If not, he could as her POA and it will cost him money. It has to go to court and u argue ur case in front of a judge. In the meantime, you can get your ducks in a row. Maybe find a job, find an apt.
“If mom is of sound mind the POA is not in effect”.
I guess it’s time for a reminder that.....Some POAs go in to effect as soon as they are signed and some are springing. Lets not assume everyone has a springing POA. Many people have POAs that went in to effect the moment they were signed.
Do you know what type of POA he has? A person with a POA can only act in the best interests of the principal (your mom). If evicting you or not letting you use the car is not something your mother intended in the POA, it is unlikely he is able to do this. Hire an attorney and get a copy of the POA to see its provisions. Make sure the lawyer knows the details such as you are on insurance.
Your profile says that your Mom had a massive stroke in October. So her POA, who would be responsible for using her resources for her benefit, is probably trying to figure out what happens when she has used up her 100 days under Medicare.
Do you expect her to return to her home, in a condition that requires a similar level of care to what you were providing before, in that time frame? Or ever?
The words major stroke, combined with three months in rehab and no reference to what she has said herself, seems to indicate questionable competence. If so, it is time for her POA to get to work.
Her POA is entitled to a copy of her house key so he can access her papers, pay her bills, and take responsibility for any valuables.
He is responsible for her resources, so unless the credit card charges or car expenses benefit her, they need to be minimized.
Hopefully, your payment over the last six years was intended to be fair and was properly documented so she won't have issues moving to Medicaid if necessary.
If she won't be coming back, you need to figure out what comes next in your life. Try to keep things amicable and respectful with the POA.
Emphasize benefits like your ability to stay in the house to deter theft, to cover any costs like utilities, to help prepare the house for sale if necessary, ...
My mother had a massive stroke in October and possibly 2 more since then. She still knows who we are and talks pretty good. But there are some things that she’s confused about and because of Covid we can only visit her through a window. She was moved to the latest rehab and after almost 6 weeks of quarentine(every time she went to hospital the 2 weeks started over) I am the only one out of 4 children that has went to see her, me and my kids from up North went once and I have gone twice since then. The boys(3) say they can’t stand to see her just through a window. I don’t know if she will ever get to come home because she’s on a feeding tube and can’t move any extremities right now. It’s gonna take slot of rehabilitation for her. Her mind is somewhat ok, but at times she talks about things that aren’t real, like someone came to visit and I know they didn’t or little things like that. She has not been declared incompetent and so much done was between me and her. She paid me off her bank card because she did t want me to get an outside job. She did not want my brothers to know she paid me because it wasn’t their business she said. I done the cooking,cleaning, shopping, carrying her to doctor and all driving. And took care of her when she was sick. Before the stroke she was pretty independent as far as getting around and doing small things like laundry and dishes were all she did and I took care of the yard and any repairs I could. Mowed the yard and cared for the outside buildings too. They quit helping when I moved home. So the thing is I don’t mind getting a job, but I have been out of the workforce 6 yrs. and I’m not a collage graduate and this Covid is stopping a lot of job opportunities for everyone. And the reason I wasn’t POA is because I was a very irresponsible youth and I told her I didn’t want to be in charge of any finances because I was the youngest and they think I’m incapable of money handling but never worried about how I was getting by and where the money I had cam from until now. And I am also the main driver on the insurance.
Your instinct to find a job is a good one. Take it seriously and see if there are resources in your area to help you find work or receive training.
It is important that you have something of your own that you do on a regular basis.
Living in Mom's house may make you the default in home caregiver in your brother's eyes. While you are used to providing your Mom with companionship and homemaker services, it sounds like she needs a lot more than that now.
A job or training schedule gives you a ready defense as to why you can't provide 24 hour care, as well as helping you to access funds for your ongoing expenses.
Wow, I'm sorry, it sounds like you do not have a good relationship with your brother. I don't know the law well enough, but I would assume you do have some rights, as you have established residency. I don't think he can just evict you like that. I would try to see an attorney. If you can't afford one, there should be a legal aid office in your area. As far as the using her car and her bank card, no, you do not have the right to use those unless your name is on the account. I'm sorry.
I agree with alot of this. You say she is in rehab,, but not what for? If she is of sound mind you can get a lawyer in to update her wishes. Does she know brother is trying to evict you? You can get a CG contract done this way. Or a change of POA if that is what she wants If he did not know her wishes,, can she tell him now?
Your mom is in rehab, so will she be coming home or placed? Is she competent? Are you a permitted driver on insurance? Did he send you a certified letter about leaving or was it verbal? Are you an authorized user on bank card?
Does your mother still have all her faculties? Has she had a diagnosis of dementia, ALZ, memory impairment or other type of cognitive decline? Is she able to physically speak or communicate in some way? Just because she is in the rehab may not mean the PoA authority is active in terms of certain decisions on her behalf. I can see if your brother needs to pay her bills and do things she can't physically do, but not sure he has the authority to kick you out if your mom isn't cognitively impaired or unable to speak for herself. And if she can communicate and is in her right mind I would use my phone to video her confirming that she's given you permission to live there, use her car and bank card. Make sure the video has a time stamp on it if possible.
As AlvaDeer has written, going forward you must have a written contract in place with her or your family so that this doesn't happen again. This makes her or them your employer, so you will need to have a "paper" trail and make sure all the pertinent employment taxes are paid by you.
While it seems your Mom was willing to accept your care for 6 years it seems also that she gave POA to her son rather than to you. If you have no agreement written with your Mom, and she is in rehab you can wait for her to get out, and likely this will go on. If she cannot return home it is a larger problem, and to be frank, if she is to return to your care you should be compensated for that care. There are larger problems afoot here if she has given you large amounts of money without a care contract, or if you have used her card without keeping good records and such then this could injure her ability to get care for her future with medicaid. The money she "gave" you could be considered "gifting". That her financial POA wasn't aware makes this more problematic. If Mom isn't going to return to the home, yes, the POA with a good document can sell this home for her care, and meanwhile inspect it and see what might need to be done. Much depends on whether your Mom is coming home or not. If your Mom doesn't have dementia it would be wise to get a legitimate care plan in place. We see on the Forum over and over again children that return home, do caregiving and end without a home to stay in and with a job and no job history. Their lives are basically ruined by it. If you are not on title of the care and the Financial POA says you cannot use it you likely cannot use it. Same will go for the bank card. Does your mother plan to return home in your care, or is that uncertain at this point? I am wishing you good luck.
I think as well, he cannot just "evict" you. For 6 years you have lived there caring for her. I think he will have to give you notice to enter premises and give notice of your having to move prior to sale or some such. Try to find tenants rights for your area on google.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
If Mom is of sound mind, a POA is not in effect. If she has been declared incompetent then maybe brother has a leg to stand on. I can see him not wanting u to drive the car if not on the insurance as a driver. Same with her bank card. But asking for house key when u live there in a little over the top. Can u pay the utilities, taxes, etc?
I think you need to be upfront with brother. How does he think you have been supporting urself the last 6 yrs. If he is still addimate in u leaving, tell him to evict u. If Mom is competent, he can't do it. If not, he could as her POA and it will cost him money. It has to go to court and u argue ur case in front of a judge. In the meantime, you can get your ducks in a row. Maybe find a job, find an apt.
I guess it’s time for a reminder that.....Some POAs go in to effect as soon as they are signed and some are springing. Lets not assume everyone has a springing POA. Many people have POAs that went in to effect the moment they were signed.
Do you expect her to return to her home, in a condition that requires a similar level of care to what you were providing before, in that time frame? Or ever?
The words major stroke, combined with three months in rehab and no reference to what she has said herself, seems to indicate questionable competence. If so, it is time for her POA to get to work.
Her POA is entitled to a copy of her house key so he can access her papers, pay her bills, and take responsibility for any valuables.
He is responsible for her resources, so unless the credit card charges or car expenses benefit her, they need to be minimized.
Hopefully, your payment over the last six years was intended to be fair and was properly documented so she won't have issues moving to Medicaid if necessary.
If she won't be coming back, you need to figure out what comes next in your life. Try to keep things amicable and respectful with the POA.
Emphasize benefits like your ability to stay in the house to deter theft, to cover any costs like utilities, to help prepare the house for sale if necessary, ...
Her mind is somewhat ok, but at times she talks about things that aren’t real, like someone came to visit and I know they didn’t or little things like that. She has not been declared incompetent and so much done was between me and her. She paid me off her bank card because she did t want me to get an outside job. She did not want my brothers to know she paid me because it wasn’t their business she said. I done the cooking,cleaning, shopping, carrying her to doctor and all driving. And took care of her when she was sick. Before the stroke she was pretty independent as far as getting around and doing small things like laundry and dishes were all she did and I took care of the yard and any repairs I could. Mowed the yard and cared for the outside buildings too. They quit helping when I moved home. So the thing is I don’t mind getting a job, but I have been out of the workforce 6 yrs. and I’m not a collage graduate and this Covid is stopping a lot of job opportunities for everyone. And the reason I wasn’t POA is because I was a very irresponsible youth and I told her I didn’t want to be in charge of any finances because I was the youngest and they think I’m incapable of money handling but never worried about how I was getting by and where the money I had cam from until now. And I am also the main driver on the insurance.
It is important that you have something of your own that you do on a regular basis.
Living in Mom's house may make you the default in home caregiver in your brother's eyes. While you are used to providing your Mom with companionship and homemaker services, it sounds like she needs a lot more than that now.
A job or training schedule gives you a ready defense as to why you can't provide 24 hour care, as well as helping you to access funds for your ongoing expenses.
As AlvaDeer has written, going forward you must have a written contract in place with her or your family so that this doesn't happen again. This makes her or them your employer, so you will need to have a "paper" trail and make sure all the pertinent employment taxes are paid by you.
There are larger problems afoot here if she has given you large amounts of money without a care contract, or if you have used her card without keeping good records and such then this could injure her ability to get care for her future with medicaid. The money she "gave" you could be considered "gifting". That her financial POA wasn't aware makes this more problematic. If Mom isn't going to return to the home, yes, the POA with a good document can sell this home for her care, and meanwhile inspect it and see what might need to be done. Much depends on whether your Mom is coming home or not. If your Mom doesn't have dementia it would be wise to get a legitimate care plan in place. We see on the Forum over and over again children that return home, do caregiving and end without a home to stay in and with a job and no job history. Their lives are basically ruined by it. If you are not on title of the care and the Financial POA says you cannot use it you likely cannot use it. Same will go for the bank card. Does your mother plan to return home in your care, or is that uncertain at this point? I am wishing you good luck.