My mother lost her husband of 67 years. They were extremely loving and close. Then my mother left home one day, fell, went to the hospital. She never returned home. She went from the hospital to assisted living and has been there for the past year. She was always an independent woman and always doing something and busy. Now, she finds herself unable to see properly so she's not able to do certain activities, including even watching TV. And now she finds herself in a wheelchair. I visit two to the three times a week. Each time as much as I want to see my mother it is extremely frustrating for me. Because I know she's going to begin to ask me to come home. And she does not back down. As a matter of fact she almost gets very angry. And when I give her the little white lie excuses she's not buying it. My mother is to Wiley for that. Yesterday, after my visit, I am feeling so very guilty because I don't know what to say to her and I have to leave her just sitting in her wheelchair. Any advice for those of us who have aggressive parents who want to go home with them?
A guilty thing because you have to leave her... I would respectfully suggest that you're going through a sad thing, because you are just as sad for your mother as she has every reason to be for herself.
The one thing she has got going for her is a daughter who feels very close to her, and is sticking by her.
When she says that she wants to go home, if you were to say that you wish she could go home too, and then stop there and wait for her to say more, what does she generally move on to next?
I did that for my Dad, when he moved from his house to Independent Living then later into their Memory Care. He had the same private caregiver for a year, who he really enjoyed having her around. So it is important to find THE caregiver who would work out the best personality wise. The Agency can send a different girl every couple of days until Mom find a match. I know it is expensive, but it did help relieve some of the stress.