Assisted living and nursing homes are so expensive, does anyone have any suggestions for alternative places?

Who am I not helping? Actually I got a hug for my comments to defend. Do I agree with everyone, no, not always. But let's be free to make the statements we wish to make. And whether you know it or not changes are coming to Medicare and soon. Already my daughters see it in the hospitals. Open opinions about the nursing care situation are welcomed and if it includes political discussion so be it. It is a social program afterall and subject to change.

OK! You're right! I hate everything and everyone is a pinhead! And meanwhile the elderly don't get cared for and eventually they die and the problem solves itself. Perfect!

Okay................?

dkutzli, are you OK? No one wants to pick on you and no one has called you a pinhead. You have the right to voice your opinion. I understand your concern

New healthcare laws are trying to make hospitals accountable for the care Medicare patients are getting. Is it working, who knows. The hospitals have run understaffed for a long time. Not necessarily due to the lack of qualified nurses and doctors. Government intervention is usually a problem but there is alot of greed in the business world today. Don't to too quick to think "social" programs are all bad. Look at Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid. People love this. I just think it is a balance. A little of this and a little of that.

No, I'm fine! But I'm relatively new to all this and it seems to me that there are 100s of people on this site that are all asking just a few of the same basic questions. We all want to know the best course for the people we love as they become older and need help. I have been trying to find information from so many Government and private organizations and so far I have mostly received nothing but double-talk and run around. It just appears that if they keep you guessing long enough then the problem solves itself like I said before.Then add in people arguing and name calling ("your statements that everyone is "equal" inder socialism are moronic") which is fine, and yes, you are entitled to say whatever you want but it doesn't help. Karenp asks for advice and has genuine concerns that I have too, I'm looking for answers myself. I will tackle social issues in the long run but for the aging and elderly there may not be a long run. Perhaps I have chosen to join the wrong support website.

I did not make the statements about equality under socialism. You need to reread the statements posted on here. And yes maybe you do need another site. You have once again call me a moron. You are doing the name calling and not me.

I agree with the previous poster. I happened to spend a few years working in The Netherlands and experiencing their health care and retirement systems. They have a much better approach to senior care than what we do here in the U.S. They have opportunity to earn and excel just as is claimed here but the citizens are not left to twist in the wind when they have a health crisis. My wife came down with Alzheimer's while there and their system took care of her immediately and worried about payment afterwards. Even then the costs were reasonable and not designed to impoverish me. All this and I wasn't even a citizen. Something is very wrong with our approach to these basic needs.

I never once called you a moron! I never once called anyone anything. I know you didn't say the quote I highlighted a quote from "windytown" to you where they refered to your statements as moronic You then in response called them a moron! You are name calling I NEVER called anyone anything. YOU need to re-read the posts. I never said that what you were saying was wrong. In fact I agree with some of it. I diagree with useless, pointless name calling. WHICH YOU DID!! It is wonderful to wish that we lived in a country that takes care of it's older population as a human right that is earned. But again we don't! If I gave the impression that I was calling you a name I apologize. And "no" i won't leave this site just yet. Because I, like everyone, have the right to say what I want too.

turnerdarrell, my best friend several years ago was from Holland. My sister in law from France. It is interesting why so many people have the knee jerk hostility to even talking about healthcare in America and calling people names who have concerns. I have found those who probably would benefit most from a public healthcare system to be the ones who regurgitate the "socialism" point of view. It is disturbing. I am lucky to be able to pay for healthcare, nursing home for my Mom and retire early. I should be one of the people who oppose any changes. But I have some compassion for all of the hard working Americans who are over whelmed by the health care system in this country and baffled by the ones who seem to support it.

I worked with a young girl who came from a wealthy family, had every bell and whistle on her cell phone plan. Gave money to her boyfriend who was in prison. She was against a social healthcare plan because she would have to buy health insurance........so she will let me and all of the insured in this country cover her. Why would anyone support this?

The people who have been so nasty and called me a moron on here want answers about how to deal with a broken system. A for profit system. It will not change. And yes, every nickel you work and save will be gone. That is how it works. If that is OK with most, good. I am not one to say how people should spend their money.

Dkutzli, I think somethings have gotten lost on here or mixed up a bit. Seems you are right about the moron statement. I guess in reading replies it appears you are calling me a moron. Geez, sorry this even got started. There is so much good information on this site. Please continue to search out what you need and talk to all the kind people on here. i don't want you to think most are argumentative, I am almost never. Please accept my appology.

Madge1, It was interesting to observe the national "dialog" going on back here in the States while living over there. Once you've put some distance between yourself and what floods the airways here you realize that much of our "information" is heavily slanted to produce a reluctance to consider that fact that other approaches actually work! We're trained to have a knee jerk negative reaction to anything that isn't a "you're on your own" solution.

Let's just say that we were both being "passionate"! Will that work? Or in my case "frustrated"! When it comes to a lot of these issues I am the biggest idiot in the world. (Yes, that's ME calling MYSELF a name) I fully admit it and even embrace it. :) Which is why I came to this site in the first place. To help educate myself.
I really just don't care about all the meaningless stuff. Again, it amazes me that with all the people on this site and all the questions it really boils down to a few basic issues. Mine right now is why is it so difficult find solutions. I just want to do what best for my parents who, like karenp's worked hard, saved what they could and believed that it would be enough to see them through their lives. I know (or I think I know) that what you want, all any of us want is; to do the right thing, make the right choices and help those we love as they face the challenges ahead. I'm sorry that we got off track! You hang there too! We will no doubt cross paths again. I look forward to it!
;)

It's a curse to grow sick and old and be middle class. If you're dirt poor or filthy rich you got no problems -- the gov't pays for you if you're poor and you can pay for you if you're rich and the middle class pays for the poor but the middle class gets screwed. My poor mom bought a LTC policy thinking that would protect her assets (house) so that I can inherit but the policy only covers $50-100 a day for home care. (Mom only bought the policy that covers in home care and 2 yrs of NH) Mom wants to pay me the $50-100 a day for home care since I am her 24/7 caregiver but mom will need skilled care other than myself and that costs like $199 a day (night/day) So that policy covers S@#T. And mom WILL need more skilled care other than myself. I'm beginning to have a harder and harder time of transfering her. She just thinks I need to be trained so I'll 'learn to do it right." What she needs is help that does not include me. I haven't broken the news to mom but(she has PD) this policy is pretty much useless and she will have paid for a policy that she's not going to get much use out of and will most likely end up in a NH where her assets will have to be spent down (BY BY HOUSE) and she'll end up where she never wanted to be -- in a NH and I'll end up homeless. These LTC policies many of them don't even cover AL. I've looked on sites and they say they take Medicare and Medicaid but many of them say "NO LTC". Great, huh! And don't write and tell me Obamacare is going to save the day because the gov't is already too involved in our healthcare now and THAT will only make it worse. A person's LTC should cover costs without having to go on gov't asst. THAT's what needs to be changed.

Look to Home Care, while you can be there some of the time a professional home care agency (not someone from a registry) can be there to fill in the gaps.

When looking to hire help you want to be cautious that you use a company that understands your needs and the needs of seniors. Look for one that background checks, credential checks, reference checks and DRUG test their employees, one that has people that supervises them, is bonded and insured.

Just hiring someone from a registry will leave you with a lot of extras on your shoulders--because you'll be responsible for their taxes, risk of liability if say they were to get hurt at your house or in an accident or if they hurt your mom, you'd have to do all the screening (and there are a lot of people out there looking to take advantage of people), you're their supervisor so if you have issues you'll have to deal with them directly which can be awkward and if they call out sick or don't show your suck trying to figure out something else where as with an agency they would handle all that for you. Oh yea and an agency will tell you what type of care they recommend after a thorough evaluation where as you'd have to know specifically what you want someone you're hiring independently to do.

Some home care agencies also have Care Professionals who have received specialized training in ALZ/Dementia. And some can offer you those emergency response systems for when no one can be there for her (you know the "i've fallen and can't get up" things).

This is what we did for my Grandmother because she refused to move in to a facility (and my mom was a single parent, and school teacher who made very little) We hired Interim Healthcare to send a Care Professional over for a few hours each day in the late morning to make sure she was up and dressed and they would stay until just after lunch to make sure she was eating, then in the afternoon my brother and I would go over to see her after school and my mom would go by pick her up and bring her over for dinner, then take her home at bedtime. So she was only alone for a few hours each day and then overnight while sleeping. She also had Dementia. Unfortunately (or fortunately?) she passed before the dementia got too bad, but luckily we had one of those emergency response systems cause just before she died she pushed the button, so the paramedics came out to find her & inform my mom, her instead of my little brother finding her (she died of cardiac arrest, shortly after the care professional had left for the day).

Good Luck with everything. Hope it works out for the best for you.

Forgot to say that the LTC does cover NH for 2 yrs but changes are mom will need more yrs than that and she's not mobile enough for AL (not that the policy will pay for it!)

rdarrelt, good comments on your part. I find it interesting some people want to have answers about the problems with health care yet do not want to discuss public healthcare. So they want to find a solution where there is none. It will remain the same old same old for profit if it continues as it is now. So when someone gives the advice to look at this from all angles, they get angry. If there is no healthcare program in American, then Americans will pay for it themselves at the terrible costs we now see. Nothing will change. Profits are to be made.

The person who said the rich can pay and the poor get it for free, but the middle class pay for the poor needs to read up on the what the top 1 - 2% pay in taxes. Who is really paying the taxes in America and why they do not want change to that tax code. My brother in law and sister in law are CPAs, my daughter a tax attorney with the largest firm in Boston.

In this country the wealthy are paying less than ever. I am not liberal. I am moderate, I am also part of the 1%.

What happens when you are completely alone and have no one at all and only have $1.141.00 per month from S.S. I am now semi-disabled and I am very very concerned what will happen to me if and when I need more help in order to live. I had worked in an adult facility and it was considered one of the best but I would hate to see the worse, in fact I had to quit my job there as I could not stand to see how terrible the people were treated and just have no one care even if they had family visit it was ok while they were there but went right back to being terrible after they left. What is another place or thing I could do as I am so worried about it that I do not live well now with the wondering. Any suggestions would be so very much appreciated.

Try looking for a RESIDENTIAL CARE HOME which is like a boarding house for the elderly. Usually there are just 3-5 residents, and it's just like living at home. Usually they require that your loved one can walk with walker, wheelchair, feed them selves, in other words, not needing nursing needs, or wound care. They are usually owned by a couple whom have CNA/CMA license and have to be approved by the state they are in, also they can administer their drugs. They do their laundry, cook home meals, help with showering, hair, even take to Dr's visits. Google it or ask a elderly care service of what's in your area.
If your loved one gets SOS, look at that as paying almost half of the home care bill. They are always private pay! You can send your parents there for the weekend to get them acclimated and not fearful which makes the transition smooth!!

I meant to say "S.O.C." money

Mr.Morris, I am so sorry for you. It breaks my heart. If you worked in a home and it was pretty bad, I guess you know what to expect. But just being alone, so very sad to hear. Start researching what benefits you can get through medicaid. I hope someone has some real suggestions for you, I have not had to deal with this yet with my Mom. Good Luck to you.

Madge1 If you feel guilty for not paying more than you think you should in taxes,, than by all means pay more and ease your conscience END OF DISCUSSION..I just feel that LTC policies that are purchased should be able to provide the care people need without middle class people being forced to sell their assets "become poor" and get rid of all their money so they can be eliglble for Medicaid which is how the system operates now. Thank you. Have a good evening. Signed The 53%

IGeezzzz get a life

I am done here. No more posts for me

I thought the home was the one asset that couldn't be sold when applying for Medicaid for assistance, and I thought there were a few other things too, like a car.

If the nursing home patient has debt, at the end of their life Medicaid will "look back" five years. All assets can be taken into consideration for debt repayment unless sheltered with trusts, etc. I read on this site that states are looking at everything now more so than ever. If the parent gives the house away to a child or children five years before needing nursing care, then the state can not claim it. The house cannot be sold if one spouse is living in it and the other is in a nursing home. They can't put someone out of their home. But in the end, it can be claimed after all parties have died in order to settle debt. This is what i understand, someone else may have more info or I could be wrong.

See if you can find AHEPA Apartments in your area. AHEPA is run by a private fraternal organization. Seniors pay to live in an apartment based on their income. Apartments include kitchen, living/dining area, bathroom, and bedroom. I've looked at the ones here, and the staff is very helpful and the place is spotless. It isn't assisted living however...the individual must be able to care for themselves. There is an emergency button in each room and staff is available to help in emergencies during office hours. Best wishes to you...it is a difficult situation to find yourself in, but please know you are not alone.

The AHEPA apts are great. They have them in NYS or equiv where my future MIL lives (LI). She does not have income at all except for SS and Medicaid but it must cover it. She's very happy there.

I just googled AHEPA and sadly there are none in my state. But hopefully your info will help someone else on this site. It's so great how many wonderful people there are here. It's so nice to know I have somewhere to go to vent and to get information and support from. Thanks everyone!!

Just had to chime in here. My mom saved all her pennies for years and only ended up with about 25,000. We obviously are not well off. In order for her to get into a nursing home AND qualify for Medicaid, she had to go into the hospital, be put in rehab/nusing home paid for by Medicare for 100 days and apply to Medicaid in the meantime. We are also having to spend all of the money that she so dearly held onto in order to qualify. Yes, we are using on things for her and funeral expenses etc but it's so sad. The elderly saved so that they would have something in old age. In order to get help, they need to have nothing. IF she had $360,000. (yes that's correct), many nursing homes would have taken her of course. They want 3 years of direct payment for the good ones here in NJ. If you don't have that kind of money or anything close, you have to hunt for a decent nursing home that will accept Medicare/Medicaid right off the bat. I have NO idea what I will do when I'm oler but...I surely don't want my kids going through what my mom and myself are going through now. The system is terrible and I'm sure most people would agree. It's sad how we treat our elderly. Especially those who went through WW11 and all. "If she recieved Vet benefits, she definately would not qualify for any nursing home here. I sincerely wish you good luck and hope that you can find an answer for you and your loved one.

I think the fact that we all have to be paupers to get medical care or care when we are elderly is a national shame. I wonder what will happen when I get really sick. My mother employs me as her caregiver but she doesn't offer health insurance. It's my constant worry. I try to be extremely careful.