I now know my mother has moderate level Alzheimers. She is abusing me here each day though, and I’ve informed the authorities but they never do anything. I’ve now told them , that after 5 mths of permanent care on my part (unpaid), I can no longer look after her. She’s 87 with Alzheimers- I’m an only child and no one else can be trusted because while I was away my cousins took advantage of mum and placed their own names on her will and took me off. We fixed this thankfully.
My questions: my mum was always a difficult person but now her behaviour has turned criminal- she makes death threats even to me, “I’ll get a knife and stab you” even. It’s always purposeful towards only me, and the behaviours are more and more, exploitative. I analysed her behaviour, it’s for mum to get something from me (drive to shops, pokies etc). Alzheimers or purposeful abuse?
she’s fallen 3 times in 5 weeks. Hour upon hour of doctor appointments, to be constantly abused here. Mum does not cover my food, too! This is all on my expense. I’m guessing here a future nursing home will be necessary because of Alzheimers.
a friend of mine keeps pressing me to tell the authorities about her abuse?
That was a mistake, because it is now too late.
Your mother has fallen now quite often. Next fall you call EMS and she gets transported to the ER. You call in Social Services at once and tell them you will no longer care for her because you are mentally and physically unable. Use those exact words. Tell them she has threatened you with a knife and you are sleepless and cannot go on. Tell them that she cannot return to your home (which unfortunately you have made legally HER HOME by taking her in).
You are going to have to play this up for all you are worth. I don't know if you are POA but if so you need now legally (with an attorney) to resign and let your mother be in the guardianship of country, state, or however it is done in your area.
Stress the following for yourself: "mentally unable to continue", "physically unable to contrinue", "afraid", "traumatized", "terrorized", "sleepless".
You mother now needs placement. You cannot take her back into your home at this point. What is done is already done, water under the bridge, but it needs to stop now. You don't call the police, you call EMS so she is hospitalized and you do not accept her back.
You then let the hospital social worker know that she is an unsafe discharge and CANNOT under any circumstances return home, as you do not feel safe around her.
The social worker will then be responsible for finding placement for your mum, and you can get on with living and hopefully enjoying your life.
Just because you are an only child does not mean that you are responsible for your mums care. I hope you realize that. Your mum now needs more help than you can provide so let the "paid" experts(so to speak)take care of her now.
And of course if money is an issue you can apply for Medicaid for your mum. And under NO circumstances allow the hospital talk you into taking your mum back home, as they will try, by telling you all this help that they will provide and it will never happen. Your mum needs to be placed for her safety and yours.
So stay strong and call 911 next time she threatens you.
Maybe you have more ideas for help .
Call your County Area of Aging . A social worker may be able to help you place Mom in a facility.
Tell them you are in danger . They may be able to remove your mother from the home and place your mother in a facility even if you don’t have POA. It’s worth a try.
Dementia is a game-changer. It can change a previously lovely person into a demon. It can turn an already nasty person into something much worse. It's painful to watch and to experience.
Look up Teepa Snow and watch some of her videos on handling dementia patients.
Does your mom see a doctor? Have you talked about mom's behavior with her/him? It seems like some psych meds (for depression, agitation, anxiety, paranoia) might make both of your lives more bearable.
If mom is threatening to stab you, please make sure that she has NO access to sharp stuff--knives, scissors, letter openers.