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She may not realize she needs to use the toilet or doesn't get there soon enough.S he appears to be okay during the day when she can toilet regularly. Any suggestions?

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A nurse suggested that they be called disposable underwear. Most people have become used to using disposable items. Hope that helps.
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I have also told my mom they are panties, but my problem is that she does want me to throw them away. I have to sneak them away from her to get them in the trash.
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I tell my mother the Depends are "panties" and she's accepted that. In the morning when she uses the toilet, I tell her to pull her panties off and toss them in the bathroom wastebasket. I line the wastebasket has a plastic shopping bags. (My mother is ambulatory. She does use the portable commode in her bedroom at night, but still needs Depends because she does not always get to the commode in time or forgets. I lock my mother in her bedroom at nighttime so she does not roam the house having access to the kitchen stove, etc.) Sometimes she'll argue that she's never about disposing of her "panties", although it's her daily routine, but I just tell her she needs clean ones and she does. After the sponge bath, I tell her it's time to put on clean panties. Maybe using a familiar term like panties will work for you. Good luck.
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I put a thick waterproof pad under mom when she was experiencing that. Also had the doctor prescribe meds for her which helped.
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Restrict fluids in the evening, avoid alcohol and beverages with caffeine at the end of the day. Do you wake up in the night to go to the bathroom. if you do can you wake up Mom and toilet her at the same time. Has she tried wearing any protection? they are sometimes irritating when the padding gets damp. I think some people have an allergy. If so it may help to wear plain cotton underwear next to the skin under the Depends. Pull ups are pretty comfortable in the right size or just a pad in the underwear if the leaks are minor. I don't know how to persuade her. I am sure others will have other ideas
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