Am I being too particular about my husband's care in the facility?

It's the same where my husband is. It's one of the best in the state! I'm wondering if memory care facilities are the same all,over when it comes to lost items and staff not worrying with what they call the "small stuff."
Yesterday I got a call that he had gotten in a scuffle with another male resident. He shoved the man away but that man lost his balance, fell backwards and hit his head on the edge of a table.
She was very nice and said my husband was provoked and all was okay now. But they have to call with any type of incident. Now I'm wondering how it was handled with the other person. I'd hate to get a call that mynhubbynwas on the other end of things and now had a bad bump on his head. Although, a lady did smack him in the face and he has big scratch on his face and a bruised area. They just say "yep, people here do go at it sometimes!"
I'm just trying to adjust to all this and it's not easy. I guess I expected things to be run a bit more smoothly. I honestly didn't think his personal items and clothing would go missing and I didn't expect that someone wouldn't help him get dressed everyday, at least choose the clothes.
Well, I know he'll get worse as the disease progresses and then I suppose he'll get more attention. For now, I should be thankful he's clothed, sheltered and fed.

Church mouse
Yes I know which PE firm has ownership and it is locally based - I have chosen not to escalate outside the facility yet but will likely bring the topic up at my meeting with the director tomorrow
Thanks

Carol, what state are you in? In NC, the facility provides the daily care for the resident pursuant to a document. That document in our state is called a FL-2 form. It is completed by the doctor or a qualified professional to reflect the daily needs of the resident. I might ask the facility to view the form they are abiding by and if you think it needs to be amended, request that. I've never heard of a person in Memory Care who didn't need assistance with dressing. So, to me that is odd.

I would imagine that it is difficult to prevent all physical contact between the residents in a Memory Care facility. Even with constant direct supervision, that might not be possible. I would keep notes and ensure that it's not a continuing problem, since some residents may be better suited in a hospital or other controlled setting rather than Memory Care.

From what I recall in the state where I used to reside there were specific laws, specific guidelines regarding requirements for each level of facility. Each state's laws differ somewhat and the licensing laws are constantly changing. If a patient found that the laws didn't apply or they needed to have an individual exception made, the attending doctor could write an order overriding the laws. This was done, if I recall correctly, when a patient had certain allergies, or certain religious issues when they arose. I recall one patient had issue with prayer time so finally the facility was willing to adjust to her needs.

Churchmouse: IF such can be done, the facility could or should install monitors and have a dedicated individual whose only job is to watch the cameras. Could be a young intern who wants to learn about the health care business. Then should something happen, they have it on tape. No, I'm not so naive that I know this probably won't happen. What is your suggestion to the problem? I would be interested to hear it.

They have it on tape, and..? The aim is prevention. Having recorded evidence is useful if what you want is:

to deter crime in an area which is known to be closely monitored
to prosecute offenders
to cover the backsides of those who are supposed to be policing an area.

Except for c), which still doesn't help the residents, apart from (you'd have thought) cutting down on outright theft, none of this improves practice in memory care.

The solution, all sarcasm and flippancy aside, is high staff : resident ratios, together with a management style that enables calm, continuous interaction between residents and caregivers so that there are very few occasions when residents interact without an intermediary. There are places - specialised facilities that are usually centres of excellence for training and research as well - where this is done. They are extremely expensive to run, with multiple funding streams including academia and charitable organisations as well as government departments and the residents themselves; and their staff are treated as professionals following a vocation, rather than some hybrid of waiters and gaolers who are only there to collect their minimum wage and because they can't get anything better.

Ultimately, the solution is improvement in the status of the care profession feeding into higher levels of ability and commitment from people entering it. It's a virtuous circle that has been achieved to varying degrees in nursing and teaching, for example. It takes decades, not to say centuries; but without it the only answer is quantities of money that no one will ever agree to.

I worked as a nurse in Geri/psych facility. Often clothes get soiled and there was only one washer and dryer. Sometimes I would have to wash a couple of patients clothes at once because of incontinence and other issues. We often get so busy with caring we don't know when cloth cycle done. I usually put a paper note on top of washer with patients room number and name. That way the next staff member who was putting soiled clothes in would place washing machine items in dryer. If you get a non-washable marker and write your husbands name that would help. Also elastic waist pants easier to dress ( no zippers, buttons or belts). Also we collected donated clothes because sometimes the clothes just went missing and a hospital gown is a last resort. If he has a locker behind nurses station maybe you could get a cheap pair of extra glasses to be kept there. Maybe a third pair when you visit. If a patient in dining hall takes glasses off and walk away another patient may put them on. It's good you found a facility for him. Unfortunately staffing doesn't usually have 1:1 supervision ( place I worked was 1 nurse 1 aid per 10 patients). If your husband is clean, eating well and wearing clean clothes ( may not be his) I think that should be low on list of worries. I wouldn't bring anything in to him that is sentimental or expensive.

The facility I worked at had cameras and there was not enough staff to sit and watch. There are no cameras in patient rooms or bathrooms. Again with staffing issues ( no excuse) other patients go into oatients rooms and take stuff. Aldo if a patient becomes assaulting staff usually stands between or with agitated patient while near other patients. I've gotten hit, kicker, spit on. Urinated on etc. I've never witnessed a co-worker taking a patients belongings.

Martinamarie, I'm so glad and relieved that you've never encountered theft among your co-workers. So often you hear people talking about it as though it's just to be expected, and that horrifies me. You've restored my faith!

Thank you church mouse. I hope that my nursing experience and patient interactions help others. I took care of my demented mom who passed 2003 now have honor of taking care of my 91 year old dad. It helps me to think I help others because I feel so "stuck" waiting for the not-so. Happy ending which is inevitable for caring for a 91 year old dad who lives next door. This forum helps me a lot

As cold and heartless as this might sound when I was called at work that my mom was going to ER from an episode on paratransit I called my fellow nurse at hospital and insisted NO Code even before she got to ER. It's good to have connections.

Churchmouse: They have it on tape in the slim chance that they could do something about it.

Wearing clothing that belongs to someone else can be dangerous as I have seen nurses check labels in clothing prior to givrng meds to that patient. In some facilities the older staff take on attitudes toward newer staff and don't want to help the newer ones in learning who's who. The nurse just assumes that the patient is wearing their own clothing and bigger mistakes happen. When it comes down to it, all the little things can create BIG mistakes. I spent years working in quality control in facilities and "little" things do matter.

I wish the original poster would come back to this forum

Oh wow Stew that is a terrifying possibility that never occurred to me. It also makes perfect sense, with a high staff turnover and often fill-ins on weekends and evenings it is understandable that staff may not know each person by sight, especially in larger facilities.

A patient should definitely NOT wear someone else's garmets. Say they wear someone else's skirt and that "someone else" is much taller than them, then there is a trip hazard!

I buy multiples of cheap reading glasses for mthr online, the only place besides RX that you can get the +3.5. We kept them on rope "leashes' around her neck and stashed in her drawers. Other people borrowed them or she left them behind, so I ordered about 6 pair a year, at $3 ea. She was reading some until she hit late 6th stage. Glasses are considered a health care cost just like incontinence products, so keep your receipts in case you qualify for the medical tax deduction.

There is one simple solution but I doubt anyone will go along with it - I saw this happening all the time - stealing everything not bolted down. Sick but true. Figure out how to put a lock onto the drawers and make the facility responsible to hold the keys until clean clothing is needed. At least the items in the drawers would be safe. As to the rest, take a huge marker and print the name in big letters on the front and on the rear of the clothing. Makes you look like a football player. And if you see someone else wearing that clothes, go after the staff big time - AND PUT IT IN WRITING - FORMAL COMPLAINT - WITH COPIES TO MANAGEMENT PEOPLE. I guarantee you it will stop quickly. Good luck.

As for glasses my 90 year old Dad has 20/20 vision thanks to modern eye surgery. Yes, it was expensive but, it was his money and at least he can see clearly and I no longer have to worry about glasses. In addition that portion of his money in now permanently invested in his comfort.

"HAs anyone else deal with these issues"

H*ll, yes! I mean, yes, I have too, and it's upsetting. In a short time, almost ALL of my mom's nice clothes went missing and were replaced by with staff with leftovers they keep when a resident dies and the family doesn't want the clothes back. Those clothes are a mess, they're old, scratchy, they belonged to men, they're the wrong size, etc.

My mother had breast cancer and a breast removed in 1985. She did not opt for reconstruction. The scar is sensitive. Due to her Alzheimer's, she has become unwilling to wear her adaptive bra. I need for her to wear something soft next to her skin. So I replaced her clothes with cheap 100% cotton items from WalMart which I wash myself and rinse with Downy. However, even those go missing because the staff is careless and frankly, it gets expensive!

This is what people don't understand when they think losing clothes is minor. There are real people and reals stories behind this. Our parents are brave and kind. They're suffering. So are we. It hurts to see them thrown together like a homeless person, or with urine stains on their clothes. Often, our feelings are minimized.

Glasses and dentures get lost. That's extremely serious. When my mom's dentures went missing, and they didn't take it seriously, the added pressure on her remaining teeth cause her to loose 5 of them. That affected her comfort, confidence, ability to eat...and it matters just as much as it would matter if it happened to ne of us! Sigh. I could go on, but I'll stop and simply say, you're not over-reacting and you're not alone.

Tonight I noticed mom's SAS shoes were in an odd spot in her room and when I picked them up to return them to the closet I noticed a shoelace was gone - who takes a shoelace?

Who takes a shoelace? Someone whose shoelace has broken, and who doesn't have time to go to the store to get a new pair, and who is sufficiently unscrupulous not to consider what a pain in the neck he's creating for the next person.

Though they do sometimes fall out, too. They kind of work their way along the eyelets and eventually drop off.

When my mother was in assisted living I gave her a large hamper and picked up her clothes every week and did her laundry myself but I did not live too far away. Now my husband has ALZ and is in a facility a little further away and they do the laundry. I marked all his clothes but some still go missing. To save my own sanity I have just accepted this as a fact of life and he does not seem to care anyway.

You have to wonder, if everyone is buying new items monthly because their loved ones clothes have gone missing where are all the clothes? Is there a giant mountain of soiled and unsorted laundry being chucked in the garbage every week?
And if a facility sees nothing wrong in dressing residents in poorly fitting items that have them looking like the homeless wouldn't it be simpler to just supply the same generic clothes for everyone? (I'm being sarcastic... can't you just picture it though?)

If it's not the residents wandering into the wrong room and taking things then a lot of mistakes happen by the housekeeping staff - they have a long table in the laundry room with labels of everyone's name and they place folded items there at night - I frequently find mom's labeled clothes in someone else's pile

At night if residents leave their shoes, sweaters etc in the tv room then caregivers don't pick them up and return them they clock out and leave - if I recognize the person's belongings then I'll at least put it in front of their door

I try to organize mom's tiny half length closet in the same manner with tops matched to pants but invariably someone will put her in her favorite pink top with orange striped pants instead of her pink French Terry ones - she looks like a crazy old lady especially if she is wearing her favorite blue sweater and not the beige one

Last year when she had a nasty cold and cough I asked them to keep her back and chest warm by wearing an undershirt and vest - I found her with a bed pad tucked into her shirt instead

Ms Madge at least they tried!
Commercial laundries seem to manage to (mostly) return the items to the rightful owners.
As a student nurse in the good old days when we all wore uniform dresses and aprons these were stamped with a number and we placed them in our own laundry boxes and they were returned the same way. Nothing was ever lost.

Here is a story I just read...will it make you smile knowingly?
This is what all of you 70+ year old's have to look forward to:

This is something that happened in an Aged Care Center.
The people who lived there have small apartments but they all eat at a central Cafeteria.

One morning, one of the residents didn't show up for breakfast so my friend went upstairs and knocked on his door to see if everything was OK.
She could hear him through the door. He said that he was running late, and would be down shortly, so she went back to the Dining area.

An hour later, he still hadn't arrived; so she went back up towards his room and she found him on the stairs.
He was coming down the stairs but was having a hell of time. He had a death grip on the hand rail and seemed to have trouble getting his legs to work right.
She told him she was going to call an ambulance but he told her no, he wasn't in any pain, and just wanted to have his breakfast.

So she helped him the rest of the way down the stairs and he had his breakfast

When he tried to return to his room he was completely unable to get up even the first step so they called an ambulance for him.
A couple hours later she called the hospital to see how he was doing.

The receptionist there said he was fine, he just had both of his legs in one leg of his boxer shorts.

Laugh out loud, I'm afraid, Send!

But at what point, between thinking he could probably just about get away with it and arriving at the ER, could the poor old boy possibly have confessed what the real trouble was?

Hi Carol my husband just placed NH & exp this on 3rd day not his shoes upset me imeediately took off put his on so far clothes been his keep u posted

... It's a weak part of human nature to accept theft of paid staff within a care facility as normal practice... do you even hear yourselves type?? .... they are paid to "take care of other humans" ... "to take care of" ... To hear "oh yeah it's normal for the staff to steal from all the residents" and yet for you to still believe the ones in the facility are being cared for? sorry folks but that's pretty much just lying to yourselves in order to accept the fact you are not the one caring for them 24/7. ...... 
So, to speak and think as if theft "IN ""CARE"" FACILITIES" is to be accepted as normal, as normal as bread and butter and peas in a pod .... you need to think about that.... and a little reminder in case you've all lost your way .... theft is illegal. I will repeat, theft no matter your situation, is (not only morally wrong) it's illegal. (and no I am not speaking of missing items that come up mixed in with daily confusion of several memory loss individuals living under one roof)... I am speaking of theft. Someone is not taking the time and effort to stop and change care facilities wrongs.