My brother just got back from a long weekend visit at one of his friends, He informed my father that his friend developed what is believed to be norovirus and was very sick most of the weekend. My brother says he feels fine. Tomorrow my brother is going to visit with my father in assisted living and have a lunch. I think this a very bad idea! Norovirus is very contagious and can be dangerous to the elderly. But if I say anything this will definitely cause conflict with my brother, given our strained relationship. My father thinks a visit will be ok if my brother washes his hands. Why doesn't my bother simply wait a few days? I hate being in this position! I think I'll just stay away from both of them for the next week, or two.
I agree with Barb. Check if you are being pulled into a game ("you & him fight"). Does Dad like to create a bit of drama? Good entertaintment.
Dad plays victim, a sitting duck awaiting the Noro. Brother the potential villan. You lured in to feel good as the hero who suggested postponing.
Skip all that.
They will do what they want to do anyway.
I don't think there is progress. It's always the same attitude with OP: "I'm right, they're wrong." That's kind of OK, but OP constantly has a need to rub it in, by posting about it on the forum. Like bragging. "Look at how right I am, and how wrong brother is."
It's always the same. It's about pointing out how much better OP is than other people, whether it's the brother, or "rich" people, or other people.
It's linked to self-esteem. People with low self-esteem constantly want to say how much better they are than other people. It's not enough for them to say it to themselves, they want to say it to others too, like a forum.
The issue about infection is clear OP: speak to the facility if necessary.
She is merely concerned about her father’s exposure to a serious virus.
Give her credit for what she has done correctly. No one wishes to be reminded of past mistakes. What purpose does it serve to throw her past mistakes in her face other than to make her feel badly?
This forum was set in place to be supportive of others who are struggling with their particular situation.
The OP has a genuine concern just like all others who post concerns about their loved ones.
You already know, given your history with your brother and dad that they won’t listen to your advice. In light of this situation, I would suggest that you follow your instincts and say nothing to them.
I am in favor of following MD1748’s decision on notifying the facility of a possible outbreak of a serious outbreak of this virus.
This way, the monkey is off of your back and you place the responsibility onto the facility. Your conscious will then be clear and hopefully they will respond by asking your brother to be tested before visiting.
One more thing, if the facility requires him to be tested, don’t be tempted to rub this incident in your brother’s face or to even say that you wouldn’t have even considered visiting dad after being exposed to a virus.
If you hear that he has the virus and is not going to visit dad, simply say that you hope he recovers soon and glad that your father wasn’t exposed to the virus. Or you could say that you are sorry that he has the virus. Or say nothing at all. It’s better not to say anything than to stir the pot.
I realize that you and your brother may never be on friendly terms again but there is absolutely no reason to throw gas on the fire. It always backfires on the person when the recipient feels the other person is antagonizing them.
Best wishes to you, Lisa. I want to add that I have seen a lot of progress in your attitude towards handling family matters. Good for you!
I totally agree with you about protecting the seniors in the facility. Prevention of an outbreak is the best way to ensure that they are safe.
The OP has posted about her family extensively and I applaud her for moving forward with her life.
Sometimes a person becomes stuck. I know that I was stuck for far too long. I’m grateful to my therapist and this forum for helping me to understand that I needed to move forward in my life
She cared for her dad and her brother too at one point in time. Her situation was somewhat similar to mine in that she was in way over her head and she failed to recognize it.
Others were kind enough to spell it out and the OP has moved on. I’m very impressed by how she is handling this situation now.
Brother and dad and both "pot stirrers"; Dad tells you this: "I see, Dad, what are you planning to do about that?".
It's DAD's job to say something, not yours.
Leave it alone.
I would be livid if anyone knowingly brought norovirus into a facility where my loved one lives. Not only could this disease kill your dad but others as well. They don't deserve that.
Globally, norovirus kills 200,000 people per year. The elderly are very much at risk.
You're going to stay away from both of them? Good for you. But what about the others?