I am a live-in caregiver who provides 24/7 care for a relative who is 90 years old.
I cook, clean, do laundry, feed animals, do yard work, dress & shower her and chauffeur her around.
She gets $3250 a month and she pays for all the utilities.
I am given $1000 a month to buy expenses such as food, toilet paper, depends, cat-and-dog food, horse feed and hay.
Her daughter started overseeing her finances and she says "you live here rent free in return for caring for her mother".
She is the one that gives me the $1000 from her mother's account.
I feel like a modern-day slave!!!
Am I wrong for thinking I should at least have some pocket change for all that I do?
I believe this person has a 'good' lawsuit pending if this employer doesn't do what caregiver is legally entitled to. Read this:
https://www.payingforseniorcare.com/homecare/hiring-independent-caregivers
That is almost $9,200 a month. That is what you're foregoing for the "free room and board." Unlike her, even, you have no time off.
Instead, you're sitting there without a real job and really no prospect of inheritance changing this "relative's" depends throwing over $9K in potential income away for every month that you do it. Who is this "relative" anyway? Some aunt with a daughter who's taken over poa? How is this remotely YOUR problem?
Yeah, you are being treated like a slave. Time to tell daughter she needs paid help and it's not worth OVER $9000 in volunteer work for you so you can have this "free room and board."
Everyone I know who has fallen for this scam has ended up dead, homeless, without relationships and with no job history. Do not let this happen to you.
I
* If she doesn't know her rights, she will not be back-pay she is entitled to.
Why are you doing this? How did you become the one to become the full time caregiver?
Don't you think you should be working to earn money to support yourself and to prepare for your own eventual retirement?
Do you know anything about your grandmother's finances? Are you her daughter's (your aunt's) retirement plan? If she can get you to do caregiving for free, the home (farm?) will eventually go to her, instead of being sold to pay for her mother's care. Is this a possibility?
But you will be wrong if you do not act on it.
You are wrong to think there is any obligation to your son's grandparent because in the future he will inherit land and a mobile home. That may not be possible. Is your son in legal possession of the land and mobile home now?
Can you take possession and live there?
Have you ever heard of the term "future faking"? You need to become aware of how people are used and accept being used. It often happens with a narcissist and a vulnerable person.
You are one person, and need to be paid for your work.
Your son is a separate person, with special needs.
Each of you has a separate relationship (and legal ties) to the grandparent.
Repeat: Your son's autism does not obligate you to enslave yourself to anyone promising his future. The needs of a person with autism are great enough without you serving others promising to help him.
The daughter is already making inroads to take things away from you.
You perhaps are a little mad. You are relying on what you have been told about grandma’s will, which is supposedly leaving lots to your own son. Even if it’s the truth about the will at present, wills can be (and are) changed often towards the end of life. You and your son may get nothing. Daughter may get the lot. Or your son may get lots, find himself a friend who can cope with his disabilities, and do nothing for you.
You need to care for yourself, NOW. It’s too late when everything has gone wrong. You can still look after grandma, but protect yourself from the many ways that this can turn into a disaster for you. Just a little bit more pay is NOT a good enough answer.
Unlike slaves past and present, you can choose to walk away at any time, and the law is on your side. You're sacrificing your SS, health, and dignity on the wisp of a promise of a few acres and a trailer for your son? What's in writing?
There are so many resources to help those living on the autism spectrum to have independent, productive lives within their individual means. Please explore your immediate family's needs and options; visit and occasionally do for grandmother as your new life allows.
See All Answers