Hi guys, so my dad passed away 5 years ago. My mum over the years has dated & had a few boyfriends etc and her current boyfriend is really nice, not horrible, rude or anything. At the start of the first lockdown my mum panicked and moved him in (as he lives on his own), since things did open back up in June he moved out. When he moved in it was way way too much for me to handle, I didn’t like it at all, I couldn’t stand him. My problem is now is that he stays over too much and me and my sister aren’t really comfortable with it. Bare in mind that this is the first boyfriend that we’ve been relatively okay about staying over.
I am extremely happy that she’s met someone but whenever I try to tell her how we feel she bites back and says ‘this is my house and you can’t say what happens’ and ‘move out if you don’t like it’. Believe me if it was that easy me and my sister would not be living at home.
She doesn’t have respect for the other people living in her house. I can’t help but feel irritated all the time now when he’s here. So am I wrong to feel this way? I feel like I’m going insane.
You're all in a Tier 4 area, yes? Nobody is allowed out unless it's for work or essential personal business?
I should think everyone in the house feels as if s/he's going insane. It's the times.
So. What do you want to do?
However your feelings have no control over what your Mother chooses to do in her own house.
You may be experiencing grief, the loss of your Father, but also the loss of your family unit. It has changed. It will change again as new partners move in & out, as you & your sister move out one day, & get partners too.
So there's adjustment to this new stage. Also to this new man. Can you feel comfortable in your home when he is there? Have your own room/space for privacy? If not, maybe it is time to explore making a home for yourself elsewhere.
She's right; her house, her rules.
So much depends on how old you are that we can't really answer the question of whether you're wrong about the situation. I certainly can say you're never wrong to feel whatever you feel, but what matters is what you do about it.
Unfortunately, your mom is the home owner and she can set the rules. I'm pleased to hear that you don't deny her the need (or want) to have a male companion. You may just have to accept the situation as well as you can until you have other options. What do you think the compromise should be?
Your feelings are understandable. Having a man move with your mom is a big deal. That's a big adjustment. It would have been better to have discussed it first as a family as it affects you and your sister as well.
Is there a trusted family or friend that could act as go between and help act as intermediary? Your mom sounds very defensive about her relationship. I don't think I would ever tell my kid if you don't like something move out? In my opinion that's harsh. There should be some conversation and hopefully compromise.
It's been four years since I lost my dad and I know I would feel hurt if my mom did something like this without considering my feelings.
I know others will have better advice. Hang in there.