I have never been a mean person, but the constant cleaning up after, the smell and the laundry is stressing me out. She doesn't deserve my attitude, but I don't seem to be able to handle this. She is 80, extremely depressed, sleeps 20 hours a day, is losing 5-10 pounds a month, is legally blind and hard of hearing. This is so painful to watch!
Do you live anywhere near a home-collecting professional laundry service? If so, use it - hang what it costs. That was the single most useful thing I found during mother's double incontinence bed bound phase. I went crazy enough as it was, but without my local laundry I'd have been running out of bedlinen and working 26 hours a day instead. Failing that, see if there's simple domestic help you can get - a no-nonsense cleaning woman who'll also handle some of the laundry chores.
What support are you getting with your mother's personal care? Is any help available to you with that?
And keep looking for ways to make clean up easier, as Madge mentioned, try other brands/types of incontinence products.
You're a hero
Instead of depends maybe try the ones that wrap around the legs and fasten at the waist
Only those that are ambulatory wear the depends style at my mom's memory care center - anyone lying in bed uses the rip off ones
I don't think my mom's poor bedridden roommate has any family checking in on her and she is at the complete mercy of hired staff - your mom is very lucky to have you
Hang in there and try to accept help from whoever offers - my siblings do nothing for mom but my good friend and housekeeper treat her like their own mama when I'm not around
All I'm saying is that sometimes it's impossible not to *feel* as though she must be doing it on purpose. Not that she really *is*.
With God’s help I am able to help her maintain some dignity.
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