Any advice for dealing with continued issues with greedy sibling?

Updates— Thank you all for your thoughtful replies. I really appreciate it! As information, I can say with confidence that there is no way this person would ever pitch in financially for my father’s care. Way too self-absorbed for that. In the past I did share generalities, but not any longer. I was supposed to meet with X and provide all the documentation they demanded (and demanded is the right word), but I made an excuse and cancelled. Cue the rage… Interestingly enough, their focus was only on gaining access to his investment accounts, not his AL invoices or Rx bills. Demanded user ID/PW.

This person has been entitled and self-absorbed their entire life. I am not inclined to subject myself to their audit, nor do I feel obligated to gather/copy records for them. My bookkeeping is pretty methodical— I haven’t kept every receipt, but I do have a spreadsheet that ticks and ties to the penny. All of dad’s finances are separate. I do not pay myself, save for an occasional tank of gas (verbal agreement with dad). Dad is about 4 hours round trip drive away.

In the interest of being somewhat civil, I did say — “One of my responsibilities as fiduciary is to maintain confidentiality. Best to contact dad's attorney. He can help alleviate your concerns.” Cue intensified rage, to which I replied, “My records are very transparent... and legal. Blocking you until you've had a chance to calm down.” Unfortunately, this may have to be permanent. Sad, but this person is taking up way too much headspace and is starting to affect my physical health. If they weren’t a sibling, we would never be friends. I really don’t care for them and haven’t for a very long time.

When my partner's adult children asked me, his POA, for info on finances I sent an email with details about his current status with dementia, the behaviors and decline that I see everyday. Toward the end of that message I wrote, "Oh, on rereading your request I see you really wanted to know about the money. But I am sure that your primary question is about your dad's health and well-being. So I will send this anyway." I wrote a very short paragraph on the finances...."he has enough unless he lives forever". Keep records. Respond in writing. Tell sibling about the health status. Good luck to you.

You are your father's fiduciary and handling the money needed to care for him. Your sibling is probably just trying to find ways to claim some of your father's money for him or herself. Minimize contact and response to your sibling. Continue to meet your father's needs, work with an attorney or trust advisor as you see fit. Your sibling in not involved.

Just sweetly say, "Oh, beans burning, have to go, love you, bye" or "My door bell is ringing have to go, love you". I had to get nasty, hopefully, you don't.

My sibling is not involved in my father’s personal care. He lives very close, I live very far away. I manage it from a distance. He just won’t do it. He can’t handle it. My father is difficult, I get it, but I can’t accept that as an excuse anymore. Unless there is an “emergency” he says. Otherwise he is mostly hands off. I have POA and am handling the finances. He has asked me a few times about money and I just say, “when you chose to be more involved in dad’s day to day care to take some of the stress of of me and do what’s right by him I will keep you informed of the money situation. You don’t get to chose which part of his care you get to participate in. It’s all or nothing.”

And yes, I pay myself when I need to. Such as when I have to travel to see him and spend a few weeks with him and therefore can’t work. If my brother has an issue with that, he can pound sand.

Don't fear cutting this person out of your life - look forward to it with joyful glee. Refuse to deal with them. You don't need to announce it, you don't have to confide in others, you don't have to do anything for them. Just act as if they don't exist. It works!

I can’t imagine how stressful this must be for you. I admire you for trying to be civil but I am sure that it is becoming difficult.

Do you have to be involved with your sibling? If you don’t, then I think that I would focus my attention on your dad.

You don’t owe any explanation to your sibling.

Best wishes to you and your father.

Spend it all on him, if he has too much to spend try harder. Massages, therapies, musical performances in his home or care center. Chef to prepare his meals and Brad Pitt to feed him. Send copies of the receipts to your sibling. If it’s your dads money spend it on him. Leave nothing in the table.

Here's what I told my sister, "I'm not allowed to discuss anyone else's finances, but if you want to ask them directly you can." One other time I had to tell her that if I was doing her finances I wouldn't discuss with anyone either, then repeated the above statement about her asking them directly. We both knew that they couldn't give her a complete picture, but at least this way she was clear that I would be respecting their privacy.

You are handling your father's affairs that's legal confidential and none of your sibling's business. Ignore what your sibling says and cut him off. Money is just a label, not love.