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Hi all


My gorgeous 88-year-old dad has declined rapidly since last posting. He is in a nursing home, has been in bed since 21 march and has only eaten half a banana in the last three days. He started on thickeners today as water is making him cough. He sleeps most of the day and can no longer get out of bed to use a commode. His catheter blocked two days ago and it was replaced. Since then, he has been peeing what looks to me like blood. He’d ripped out a previous one about 10 days ago.


The staff are great. The head nurse checked the blood pee and said it’s old blood. I have asked outright if we are heading towards the end, and HN has said I think it’s time to talk end-of-life medication with the doctor when he visits on thursday. He has also said, whilst dad says he is in pain, keeping him in the home, with medication is better than rushing him to A&E where he is unlikely to get through any investigations, tests etc., and it will be horrible and scary for him (he has vascular dementia)


Dad's just been prescribed 7 days of antibiotics (he previously had 3 days and is on prophylactics and the other nurse reached out to the doctor this morning) which has completely confused me. I’ve read that often antibiotics are prescribed to help with the painful side effects of infections towards the end of life and I know the doctor won’t be here in person to examine dad and discuss EOL medications till thursday.


Equally I’ve thought maybe it isn’t end of life, maybe it’s a baaaaadddd infection that’s floored him. So maybe the end of life medication discussion will be delayed….


Dad has been through so much and I cannot bear to see him suffer anymore. I don’t know if this is a tide over till thursday or if it’s a different view, but those of you who have been through it, I’d really welcome your advice.


thank you xxxx

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Dad now a little bit perkier and eaten a little bit. He was yelling lots when I got here this morning, and didn’t know where he was. Doctor is in tomorrow so I’ve asked to see him and have a chat about everything. Thanks for all your kindness x
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(((hugs))) Moxy,

I don't have experience with antibiotics given at EOL, but hospice had my mom on Tylenol (suppositories) for fever to make her more comfortable at the end.

I would suggest that you make a list of these questions to ask his doctor on Thursday, because you might not remember everything you want to ask, given what I expect will be a very emotional conversation. If you have someone to come with you for support and a second set of ears, that would likely by helpful as well.

I'm very sorry you and dad are going through this; I hope you can get some guidance from dad's doctor on Thursday how to best deal with this difficult time.
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Moxy234 Apr 2022
Thanks notgoodenough (by the way I think your morethangoodenough!)
I will do that (second ears and a list - gonna start it now) and thanks for your kindness xxx
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You don't mention it in your post, but I sure hope that you have your dad under hospice care by now, as they will be the best ones to administer end of life medications and keep you abreast on what exactly is going on.
My husband who had vascular dementia was under hospice care in our home for the last 22 months of his life. They only prescribed antibiotics when he had an infection but never did towards the end of his life, as often it's my understanding that they can actually prolong the inevitable.
My husband had a supra pubic catheter, and towards the end his urine looked dark like blood as well. It was hard to witness. That's what happens when the kidneys start to shut down.
It sounds like it's time to just let hospice keep him as comfortable as possible, and for you to make sure that you've said to him all that you need/want to.
Praying for God's peace and comfort to be with you and your dad.
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Moxy234 Apr 2022
thank you Funky xxx
he is in a nursing home but not a hospice, I’m in the uk
that’s my concern that they will prolong dads suffering. My friend who was a nurse said they are often prescribed to help the patient feel more comfortable; I just don’t know what to think. it was very hard to see yesterday, by the time I left today it had begun to clear.
I absolutely agree with you, I just want him to be comfortable and know how much he is loved, vascular dementia is a nasty cruel thing.
Sending you a very big hug and thank you xxxx
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Did they do a u/a with culture and sensitivity. If not then the first round of antibiotics may not have been effective in curing his infection. Antibiotics are prescribed to cure the infection which in essence will ease any pain or discomfort from a uti. Also urinary tract infection can cause confusion, lethargy and decreased appetite in the elderly. Ask his nurse if a C&S was done I f they did a u/a. Hospice patients are typically prescribed broad spectrum antibiotics because they do not do u/a testing.
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Moxy234 Apr 2022
thanks melonyk
I think they’ve done a pee stick rather than culture at the moment, dad has a history of recurrent UTIs; I see it in his behaviour and mood before anything else,
I will ask thanks again xxx
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Moxy
I am sorry to hear of your dads decline. I know it can seem an eternity to wait a long time to get medical questions answered, especially when your dad is in pain.
I sure hope you hear something soon and dad becomes more comfortable with the choices made.
No advice from me. In my experiences, it doesn’t take much to go wrong to upset the elders health and yet sometimes the miracle of a drug appears to return them to a previous stage.
It is always hard to know which to hope for when they are so distressed. Perhaps having the antibiotics today will show the doctor what dad is up against by Thursday.
Let us know how you are doing. We are here for you
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Moxy234 Apr 2022
thanks for the sharing 97yroldmom
and thank you for your kindness I will keep you posted xxxxx
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