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You will find this to be the norm with our seniors suffering from dementia. They all want to go home and they all zero in on the person who can "make that happen" and will level a lot of abuse on that person (usually the person closest to them, their caregiver). There is little to do about this but to say "I am so sorry, but you are now in what is home for you; you are safe there. I will see you ____________(whenever that is)." You may need to see to it that her own phone is removed. Or "unplugged" and "broken" so as to have respite, or you may need not to answer it and tell her your phone isn't working. Whatever you have to do this is something managed day by day and with sadness and pain. There is no fix for the end of life issues that torment our loved ones. Sadly. I am so very sorry.
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Texas3050 Dec 1, 2024
Thank you!
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Unfortunately, I am now well acquainted with the words "delirium" and "sundowning". My mother's has been caused at times by either low blood sodium, a UTI, an adverse reaction to Tramadol, dehydration, constipation, anxiety/depression, and now moderate dementia. Many sound like medical issues, but some are behavioral, as she has good days along with the bad. An oversimplified solution that works (when she complies) is to DRINK MORE WATER/FLUIDS!

To address your question, make sure your mother's caregivers encourage & monitor her fluid intake, and that she gets medical attention for infections and deficiencies. Wishing you more good days!
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Texas3050 Nov 17, 2024
Thank you! So helpful!
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Texas, gotcha. My mother had a terrible time with Sundowning and wanting to ride the subway to go home to see her siblings and parents in NYC. They were all deceased and she lived in Colorado. Ativan worked fairly well to calm down her agitation, but she would still get upset. The staff at her Memory Care Assisted Living facility were pretty good redirecting her, and I had a big box of snacks I'd send over from Amazon which helped too. When she'd call me, I'd tell her she had to stay in the MC because she was under doctors orders to do so. After some time, her dementia advanced to the point she thought she was staying in a hotel and "her girls" were taking her to fancy dinners and shows every night, then back to a different hotel where all her stuff miraculously showed up. A few months later, she was approved for hospice. I was grateful when her agitation turned to exhaustion from all the fun she was having every night.

I know how hard this is. Wishing you peace and strength dealing with all of it.
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Texas3050 Nov 17, 2024
Thank you! Exactly what is happening here. :-(
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Texas, 'white lies' unfortunately go with the turf. 'I'll come in later this evening if I can' - even if you know it's not going to happen.
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Texas3050 Nov 17, 2024
Thank you! I'll try to not feel guilty about the white lies.
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It takes a lot of redirecting, otherwise known as changing the subject, and even that doesn’t always work. It’s also okay to simply say “I’ll talk to you later” when she perseverates on a topic and cannot be dissuaded
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Texas3050 Nov 17, 2024
Ok, thank you!
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Sorry - That’s what I heard we call the hallucinations/sunset experiences. She’s on ‘sunset meds’. I just don’t want to say I’m coming when I’m not. And I know I’m not supposed to contradict her or say what she is experiencing isn’t real.
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What is "a false sensory experience"? Call moms doctor and discuss what meds she might need to correct the problem.
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