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I help in taking care of my father-in-law with Dementia. Recently we have been having a really hard time getting him to take a shower. We've tried telling him we were going to visit particular family members that we know he enjoys spending time with. Have told him we were going out for dinner and other places. He says pretty much the same thing every time, " I already took a shower today", "I'm tired maybe later", "It's too hot right now", "how many times do you want me to take a shower in a day?", etc. Then when he starts to raise his voice, then we just stop, wait for him to calm down, and ask again. It's going on a week now and everyone is at a loss. I was hoping if someone was going through the same thing had any tips or tricks that helped them out. Thank you in advance.

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I had very little success getting my wife to take a shower or bath. Home Health provided a great deal of help and had far better success than either my daughter or I had.
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My MIL would be (and was) like pigpen in the Peanut if we didn't tell her what day it was and when she last showered. We gave up on every day and are now down to every other day. When she says "I just took a shower", we tell her "No - that was 2 days ago. Today is ____day and you took a shower on ____day. " It's working so far but is a battle at times. After the shower, we reward her with a favorite treat (hers is ice cream sandwiches). Good luck!
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AStephens, when it comes to baths/showers for someone who is older, it is like going to the gym for a work out. It can be very exhausting. Especially if one has memory issues, and/or mobility issues, etc.

Another thing, some seniors become claustrophobic when in a shower. Especially if there are glass doors. I know for myself, I need to keep the far door open a couple of feet. Sitting in the tub works but it is a major chore getting in to sit down, and more so trying to get up :P

Then there is the fear of falling. If your love one is using a moisturizing liquid soap and/or hair conditioners, it will make the floor of the tub/shower feel like an ice rink, even with a tub mat inside. 

A parent doesn't need to shower daily, twice a week or once a week is good enough, unless they are doing hard labor. If a parent is a Depends wearer, baby wipes work quite well between showers. Recently I found a product called “Water Wipes” in the baby section, quite pleased with the wipes.
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Hi,
As always, if this seems like a new behavior, check for a UTI.
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Often getting a "shower aid" in a few times a week will help. Some people will shower more easily for someone else than for a family member.
The bathroom can be a frightening place. The noise is more because of the small room and the tiles.
Water hitting the upper torso is frightening.
If they are not getting help there is a lot to remember what to do when taking a shower.
the fear of slipping is very real particularly if there are no grab bars.
If you do not have a walk in shower stepping over the tub is a bit risky.
I placed a spare walker in the shower with my Husband (picked it up at a resale shop for about $3.00) That made him more stable. Later I used a shower wheelchair but a shower bench would work. Try to get one with a back so there is support.
If there is no hand shower attachment get one so that he can have some control where the water goes. I always started with my Husbands feet then his back. I would then give the shower hose to him and he would spray his own chest.

Bathing or showering daily is not necessary. If the person is incontinent cleaning thoroughly is important. But a shower or bath 2 or 3 times a week is a good goal. Bed Bath is another option.
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A lot of elderly folks(not just ones with dementia)don't feel safe in the shower, and are afraid of falling. Make sure that you have easy access to the shower, that it has a shower bench in it, along with grab bars and a secure mat in it.
One of you may have to actually have to help him while he's in the shower as well, to make him feel more secure. Often times hiring an aide to come assist him, works well too.
And if that doesn't help, then buy some extra large body wipes, and the rinse less shampoo caps, that he can at least use for the time being, or the in-between shower times. I wish you the best.
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HI AStephens when my Mam was alive I had the same problem. People with Dementia become afraid of water spraying on them. With my Mam I had to find something fun to get her in shower so like you I said we were going on a day out and we had a little dance to shower room which was a conga 🙂 I know it seems mad but it worked 90% of the time. Its different with a man as dancing is probably not what they want to do. It's about making them feel excited about doing something fun. When I worked in a care home I used to get everything ready in the bathroom then go and have a chat with them then steer them gently towards bathroom. Then keep talking and reassuring that it won't take very long and they'll feel lovely and clean afterwards with a nice cuppa and a sweet treat afterwards. Hope you find a way that works.
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