I am the ONLY child caregiver for my mom that requires 24/7 care, for toileting, eating, immobile, pretty late stage dementia. Mama had a stroke which made her unable to walk or bear weight for very long. She needs help with everything and is on a strict toileting schedule in which needs transfer help. How did you handle it?
I am working full time from 8 - 5 in which a caregiver helps during this time but I have anxiety on if the caregiver will show up or if they quit. I have kids in the house and take care of. I take care of mama at night and get up in the middle of the night to change her diaper. I have a little support from my husband who gives me grief from time to time. I have no other help. How did you handle this if you went or going through a similar situation? Can I get more help? No, It's expensive and my friends can't help. Post me your life schedule, maybe we can bounce ideas off of each other to lessen the load or pain.
Does she have Medicaid, or does she receive VA pension? There are services available if they have either, unfortunately Medicare (unless u have a supplement that does pay) much of anything for seniors in this condition😥
It is difficult and doing it alone is definitely overwhelming.
Explore your local senior services agency for more help in daytime and then maybe hire someone for night duty. All u can do is the best you can.
The emotional toll is seriously draining. You may need to consider placement in a facility, before you say absolutely not, ask yourself, if she were in her right mind would she want u to live like this?????
Sometimes we have to place our loved ones. I want to keep my dad in his own home as long as possible but the the may come that I do not have a choice if 24 hour caretakers are not affordable! Hugs and prayers for ur strength
I wish I could say that I have all the answers, but I don’t! With that said, here are some things I have learned:
- Get control: Because my mom was so stubborn and no longer able to make decisions, I had to go the extremely expensive route of getting guardianship. However, I’ve known many folks who did well with just a durable power of attorney. Without doing this I would have not had the ability to make necessary financial and legal moves for my mom.
- Get support from every source possible: I have discovered that The Alzheimer’s Association, my local Agency on Agency, and support groups had invaluable information. Also, even though they might not always be able (or willing) to provide hands on help, family and friends are essential for reminding us that there is life outside the dementia prison!
- Admit when her care is above your pay grade. If your loved one is blessed to live long enough with this disease, it is likely that it will be too much for any one person to handle. Explore the options now for when that happens. I’ve had to use respite care, aides, sitters, hospitals, rehab, and currently memory care and hospice. It is possible that I will need to use a nursing home before mom finishes her journey.
- Learn about government programs. I’ve had to learn more about Medicare, Medicaid, Social Security, and the VA’s Aide and Attendance program than I ever wanted.
Good luck!
I work full time care take full time and there are times that I want to give up. No one helps me beside the youger lady that I and recently and FINALLY have been graced with
Also maybe even consider it a blessing that you may make decisions as a sole child. Having siblings can be helpful but also can complicate decisions.
I am disabled and knew i couldn’t take care of my mom so she went into assisted living. Even then I was running to the home all the time because she was in and out of the hospital.
I now care for my Autistic sister after my mom passed and she lives with my husband and I. Every day is a challenge.
if you want to chat, I’m here. Good luck