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One never wants to dismiss the possibility of real heart issues, but for me I used to get these anxiety attacks really bad. Went to the ER a couple times before they convinced me it was anxiety. The good part about knowing that is they don't self perpetuate then. You get the onset of one and you fear you are dying, which just makes it worse. If you can talk to yourself to tell you it is not anxiety, they can be shortened. Again only after ruling out heart issues by a medical professional.
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Sewand, chest pain on it's own could be something more serious. Don't let it go if it comes back. Heart attacks present differently with women so be careful.
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I saw this ? Tonight as I sat down to go over emails ,. I had this today! Minding my own business, no issues, actually took two afternoons to go out into the shopping world with two girlfriends., mom is under control with family watching to make sure she doesn't fall at 92- already two falls w ER fu,. I had chest pain so badly I sat at chairs in Marshalls, took tums, which I carry for just this. But pain so severe I would have told anyone else to go to hospital. It was worst gi pain in I bet five years.
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My brother is seriously ill in the hospital right now and I find I have to really try hard to stay out of the worse case scenario type of thinking or I'll really have a freak out.

I was prescribed ativan, the lowest dose and Effexor, lowest dose. I've been really trying to wean off of them cause they can really mess you up and you lose the ability to cope naturally which isn't good.

This whole business with my brother has raised a lot of the issues that were prevalent when my mom was in nursing care. My family just seems to scatter. No one communicates properly. It's like dealing with a bunch of children truly.

Sendme, a valuable contributor on here gave me some good advice. She said "don't go through your siblings for info. on your brother. Communicate with the hospital and doctors/nurses directly." That's what I've been doing and it works for me. They all have phones and they can do the same.

Cause dealing with sibs really raise the anxiety issues for me.
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NeedHelpWithMom Apr 2019
Oh boy, can the sibs create anxiety. Good luck, Gershun. Take care, hugs!
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I also get what I call "feelings of impending doom" !! Had one so bad once I had to pull my car over to figure out where I was. The first one was when my DD was in middle school. They went away for a long time, until my parents moved in with us. I agree, a small tab of Ativan has been a miracle for me on occasion.
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AliBoBali Apr 2019
I was talking with my Psych Doc about this, that at times, a benzodiazepine pill is the best tool I have to control a serious anxiety attack. Doc hasn't wanted to prescribe benzos for me and I'm mostly ok with that, but told him that if he wasn't going to Rx something like 5 count per month, just so I can have that tool in case I need it, then he may not be the right doctor for me. He said he's ok with doing the 5 per month. lol

Yeah. When you need relief from the bad anxiety, there's nothing quite as helpful imo than benzodiazepines.
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Yes. It's likely the fact that you are taking your caregiving job seriously, and it is hard work. Do have your thyroid checked because it can cause symptoms like that too. In the meantime, you need to find healthy ways in which to diminish the level of anxiety. Go for a walk, chew gum, write in a journal, body tapping, aromatherapy.....all of the above!
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It is an awful day here today. First day of Jazz Fest too! A shame. Many people here in New Orleans had severe panic attacks, anxiety, PTSD after Hurricane Katrina. If any bad weather cropped up, panic set in for some. People have managed coping with psychological help. It was weird after the storm seeing so many not only devastated, living in their FEMA trailers and also suffering with anxiety accompanied by depression as well. Lots of divorces happened too, couples not able to deal with the stress.

I suppose that happens in a lot of different circumstances, quakes, fires, volcanoes, floods, tsunamis, tornadoes and most especially crimes, we have high crime here. My daughter was attacked. The guy pushed her down on the sidewalk, she cracked a bone near her eye. He stole her purse. She’s always looking around in her surroundings and gets panic attacks. Happens in good neighborhoods too. Not just bad areas of the city. She was on St. Charles Ave in a beautiful section of the city.

It’s horrible for areas with school shootings and terrorist attacks.

All of us have lived through very difficult and challenging situations. Do you think that society is coping better or worse in these times? Throughout history there have been awful circumstances that created all kinds of problems for people. Interesting to ponder...People back then didn’t have the aid of psych drugs, support groups, etc. Must have been brutal for them. Yet, their outlook seemed to be different, don’t you think?
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Im were you are! Panic and feeling of being Overwhelmed, not sure what to do next.
Im also looking for answers, concerning elder law (power of attorney, will, house in his name)
Looking at Grouphomes.for my Husband of 30 years. He is 87.
Daily problem I'm having is ;
Panic/fright first thing in the am.
The weight is the heaviest on me
In the middle of the night '3am',
And when I open my eyes first thing in the morning. The thought of starting another day is hard.
By noon I'm much better, and the rest of the day/evening are tolerable. I'm considering getting a Life Coach. The $$ spent might be worth the peace of mind.
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What does everyone think about those fidget things? What are those for? Heard they were designed for autism but others use them for ADD, anxiety, etc.

My good friend is caring for her younger sister in her home with Downs and recently developed dementia. The dementia totally changed her sister’s personality and behavior. I have no idea how my friend is able to be so patient. She has her hands full! She does have help now. Hospice. She will take breaks and leaves the house. She is an avid reader, always has been and she will go pick out a book from a bookstore to buy.

My friend is single so obviously she has to work full time to support herself. She has caregivers through hospice that are incredible! She has a hospice nurse and social worker. Her other sister cared for her at first but it became too much for her because she is married with kids and placed her in a facility. The facility did not work out and somehow my friend’s sister ended up escaping the facility. They couldn’t find her for a very long time. Fortunately, at the time she didn’t have the dementia and was fairly high functioning and when someone found her she told them her name.

They were able to track down my friend and she moved her into her home. The dementia was very upsetting. She no longer walks, in wheelchair, in diapers, was aggressive at times, eats again now but had stopped eating, no longer speaks, etc. She has to be on certain meds. So strange to see how dementia effects certain people. She is 51 years old. My friend says she probably doesn’t have too much time left.

She has a blanket with all of these gadgets on it. She fiddles around with it. Can someone explain how this works? Just curious.
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cwillie Apr 2019
"Fidgets" are something to keep the hands busy and can be soothing for those with dementia. There are lots of different styles from aprons to muffs to boxes of gadgets, some include things to manipulate like laces, buttons, snaps and zippers and some focus more on textures like satin, fur, corduroy etc.
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Hello, I have extreme anxiety/stress attacks occasionally. Looking back, they have probably been rearing their ugly selves for about 8 years or so. I finally found out what was happening, when I was at a doctor's office and he actually set off a major attack, unknowingly. Well it was unknowing to me too; I can't predict when they will happen. I didn't know until that day, what they were (which added to more anxiety of course), but having a major one in front of a doctor really helped because he immediately told me what was happening and told me how to try to control it...and he said" take deep,slow breaths, keep doing these deep slow breaths. They will help you shorten the attack and the severity of it." Then he sat there apologizing profusely the whole time while I was pacing, crying, gasping for breath, and forcing the slow deep breathing. The breathing tactic did work, but I was a crying, gasping, totally humiliated person during the attack until I got it under control. Usually they happen when I am alone...after something set it off. I know what sets mine off now: its when you feel like you are caught between a rock and a hard place, so try to get through that moment. Right after, within minutes, I will go into a full blown attack. Mine were so severe my throat closed off and I dropped unconscious within about 3 minutes, which causes me more anxiety knowing this of course, so when the doctor suggested I try slow, deeep breaths during an attack, I was willing to try and they did help. A deeper understanding my own attacks is this ( in hindsight); I was brought up with manners, to be polite, etc etc, so that is what I strive for during a rock/hard place situation, and THAT, is what causes me to break into a anxiety/stress attack, soon after I'm through the crisis. I hope all this is providing insight for some, because I know how you probably feel during and after the attacks too. Oh, what set off my attack with this doctor? Well you see, he was giving me an injection in my neck for pain, I have some damage in there that flares up sometimes...and he admitted afterwards that he had used too large of a bore for the needle, since the med was thicker. The larger bore was providing me with horrendous pain in the injection site and I sat there repeatedly telling him to stop, stop!, and he would say for me to hold on just a bit more, so he can get more of the med in....right? Finally I got really loud and told him ( in not polite language) to remove that needle immediately or I would inject him next. (so much for manners eh? lol) He stopped, then I went into a anxiety attack, and after he told me how to breathe, and what the attack was, he sat there the whole time, over and over, apolizing to me.I told him it was ok because now I know what the attacks were called, and how to try to manage them. I never went back to him, but I heard he also moved his practice. My last point in this is: Don't expect others to understand the depth of these attacks you may have, nor the lasting emotional results from them. I have tried, others commiserate, then change the subject. IF you can forsee an attack coming, I envy you. If you found a med or other resource that helps you, I envy you. My best thing to mention, is the deep breathing during the attack, it does shorten their length which also shortens the severity a bit for me. Ok I rambled here, and wasn't going to send this but, someone might get some help from it, so here it is. Hang in there with the attacks, I am, and they seem to be getting farther and fewer now that I understand the what and how about them!! Heres a big smile for you all today!! Take care of your 'self' , then you can help take care of others. : )
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I have had panic attacks most of my life. I am on medication that has helped tremendously. Good luck.
It may take awhile to find one that works for you. It also helps with my depression, since my MIL lives with us now.
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Anxiety attacks sometimes I call them panic attacks can come on without notice. I started having them at age 41 after my son passed away and I was going through some marital problems. Went to the dr he prescribed zoloft. I took for a little while but stopped, I was afraid I was going to sleep and not wake up. What helped the most is breathing. Controlled breathing, because if not, you can hyperventilate and black out. Preventing hyperventilation is to breathe into a paper bag for a little while until your oxygen levels in the bloodstream returns to normal. I also travel with water wherever I go. Drinking water helps. I also stopped drinking coffee, anything with caffeine, since that would start my heart beating too fast. I concentrated on the mantra from the Karate Kid, "wax on, wax off, sky is blue, grass is green, everything good, repeat until your heart rate returns to normal. Everyone is different, find what works for you. Sometimes even now as I care for my mom 24/7 I feel it might come on, I start with the breathing techniques. That is the main thing. Couldn't drive for a while, in '93. I would feel my heart beating fast and afraid I was going to pass out (hyperventilating), that's when I would drink water and or breathe into a paper bag. Women more than men have the tendency for anxiety/panic attacks. Hope this helps. Much aloha to you. Take care and God bless.
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NeedHelpWithMom Apr 2019
I have heard from a couple of my friends about the paper bag breathing. I think it’s a good idea.
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Every single day! If you find anything to help, please let me know.
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Yes. It's a horrible feeling. Normally, I'm a pretty calm person, but during the last 4 years of my Mother's life, I was filled with worry & anxiety & pre-anticipatory grief. After she died, it took a little while for the anxiety to dissipate & feel like myself again. But then 7 months after her death my Aunt (age 92) suffered a CVA so the anxiety is back. I worry about the toll this anxiety can or will take on me.
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NeedHelpWithMom Apr 2019
CaringRN,

This answer surprised me coming from a nurse. Nurses are awesome! Very knowledgeable with tons of experience. Calm and organized to do a very challenging job! Guess I never thought of nurses falling apart like the rest of us do at times. Nurses are the ones who beautifully care and comfort others.
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Stay away of benzodiazepine anti-anxiety meds if living a clear-headed and focused life is important to you. Being a caregiver should mean being your best self for someone else. I swear one go my gm's CG's looks high when I check in on her. I wish I knew so I could get rid of her.
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NeedHelpWithMom Apr 2019
Troubled,

I totally agree. So many people are hooked! Those drugs are extremely addictive. I think everyone knows at least one person that ended up in rehab. Addiction happens very quickly for some people and they don’t realize it until they try to get off of the drugs. Even taking them as prescribed by the doctor. Very sad.

People never think it will happen to them. Thanks for posting a realistic warning about benzodiazepines.
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I get anxiety when my grandmother is alone with her caregivers. A couple have proved that they are more focused on their own personal needs. One doesn't like working night shifts. Boo hoo.
I cared for her 3 days/nights a week and asked for nothing while I was injured and away from work. Now, she has a different person every day and night and the so-called accredited agency has been less than responsive. The owner who gave me his card said to call if I ever have ANY concerns. I call him once, and he has his assistant call me back. Disgraceful. I will never recommend these types of agencies that just stay in business off the backs of others.
Taking care of a loved one is the most rewarding experience in life. Ask yourself why everyone is always in a rush to have kids.
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Absolutely. I call it swirled brains. I cannot think when it happens. Cannot even hear. It can happen in the middle of the night. The brain is like someone opened the head, stuck in an old-fashioned egg beater and just whipped the brains into a mess. The same thoughts. I think shrinks call it hystericalizing. The thing is that we KNOW that any of these things CAN happen. But for me it enters the land of the ridiculous with thoughts of tree roots ruining the septic system and hot water tanks exploding on TOP of all the things that can go wrong with and for my bro. It is an anxiety disorder, and for those of us who try to "control" and line our ducks in a row, the out of control la-la land we have bumped into now makes this so hard for us. I use tricks like remembering an old film scene by scene, counting backwards, taking in breath to count of five and letting it out to count of seven. Some work, but often the anxiety is too strong for it. And yes, cold with fear, and the heart just SLAMMING away can make you frightened for your own health and sanity. Normal flight of fight body stuff, but the feed in of cortisol and adrenaline not a good thing if happening too much, so consider some help, some tricks to deal with it if you can get it somewhere. Do know YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
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Yes --I have had them myself many times. You are human and dealing with difficult times. First you need to take care of you! So seek help in getting your anxiety under control. There are many good suggestion below. I use breathing techniques, trying to distract my mind and realizing this is all just temporary. A good breathing technique I learned in Yoga is to count you breaths (4 in, 4 out) or whatever number works for you. This helps with your breath and also distracts your mind as you are focused on the count. My GYN also suggested taking a B-complex vitamin which sort of helps take the edge off. When possible I also try to get some time out in nature. Focus on the beauty and grounding that nature gives us. Your situation, as bad as it is, will not last forever! Best wishes to you to find your strength to get through this.
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I can relate to the calm during a real emergency, and also the anxiety about what could happen next. Match that up against constant fights with your care recipient's health care provider about mis-steps on their part, at a time when the recipient (my spouse) is in constant neural foot pain so bad that he's wheelchair-bound, and more need for opioids. He's a stroke survivor on 7 1/2 years and way too young for this (66). The health care provider, a PACE program, botched two specialist referrals within the last few months. The first, they referred us to a brain tumor specialist, which is NOT the problem he has (thankfully). The specialist immediately told us that her expertise would be of limited help for us but nobly did her best. Second, a neural test, administered a month later, was declared invalid by the tester because of Botox shots that compromised neural function. We had not been warned in advance that Botox given within a specific time frame would compromise this test. It would have to be repeated. So I threatened to file a grievance with the PACE program. They responded and met me about halfway in my requests, but the halfway they did meet me was useful so far. Anyone reading this may be able to detect the stress of not knowing what you don't know until it becomes an adverse result. Last night I had a dream in which I ran over a woman with my car because I didn't see or hear her. I think that's indicative. As for my part, my (new) primary care doctor recommended that I take anti anxiety- and depressant drugs but warned me about the risk for suicidal thoughts. She said if these occurred, I should take an ambulance to the ER, not drive. I declined the recommendation. It defies logic that a primary home caregiver should EVER consider taking such a drug. Not only that, but if I did comply and opt for the ambulance ride, and later received a four-figure (at least) bill for the ambulance ride because my insurer determined that it was not medically necessary, how anxious and depressed do you think that would make ME?
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Yes, i recently started having them i live with my mom for the past 3 years she has her own apartment which we added on for her when we built our home i guess everything just caught up with me i breathe, i started reading again and yes i have been on xanax i read alot about anxiety on the internet and it has helped me alot being a caregiver is not EASY at all it is a BIG adjustment i'm grateful she still manages to shower and cook for herself its the attitude she has sometimes towards me and the nastiness i don't deserve. she was always like this if she didn't get her way (like a child) she's not pleasant to be around, now i understand what my father went through. You are not alone breathe focus on something else take walks distract yourself this too shall pass
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cherokeegrrl54 Sep 2019
the first time i witnessed my mother pouting(yes,just like a child) arms crossed, bottom lip pooched out, tapping her foot on the floor, i couldn’t believe what i was seeing! I broke out in hysterical laughter....just could not help myself. She is still of sound mind and in pretty good health for her age(86)...
she does this every so often, if she thinks someone has “done her wrong”. Or rather, she perceives someone has slighted her, in her opinion.....
she has had depression and anxiety most of her life i think, undiagnosed for sure, because “ she” isnt the one with the problem..... me, my sister, and everyone else is. One time i was trying to get her to speak with her dr about depression and she literally screamed at me in the most sarcastic voice, “well just what do i have to be depressed about??” I mean it came out as a hissing noise....well i just shut my mouth and walked away saying “nothing, mom, absolutely nothing.”
what else can you do???? I live in the same apt complex so i see mom every day, drive her and her friend everywhere, help them whenevr they need it, cook meals for them, clean their apts, take them grocery shopping, anything i can do to help. But she calls my sister and tells her i spend ALL my time at the pool with my 2 friends....sis says moms jealous of them. That was a real eye opener!!!! Guess we need to keep an open mind and laugh a lot and breathe deep, when it comes to caregiving......blessings to all who are walking this journey 💖 Liz
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Yes, I think it's pretty normal to have moments of shear terror when faced with care-giving for a loved one. Add to that those moments of despair, self-pity, overwhelming anger and others like those and things can go downhill in a hurry. It really sucks when it all hits you at once. As @millerkat said, breathing exercises will help. For me, combining breathing exercises and what I call "self-talk" is a must. Focusing on remembering why I'm doing what I'm doing, remembering that this moment will pass as they always do, remembering to notice my feelings and deal with them in an ongoing way, all help too. If it becomes a debilitating issue for you, disturbs your rest, and/or manifests in physical ways, then, seeing a doctor who can refer you to counseling or therapy is very good advice. (hugs)
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I'm codependent on worry and anxiety. I can honestly say I don't know how to function if I don't have it. I find myself waiting for something to happen (because it will), on my down time. I have most people believing I am okay, but sometimes I (think) want to just fade away. Yet, I know I can't, because I (think) I have to keep all my ducks (people who [I think] need me), in a row. Wow, am I messed up, or what? So to answer the question, YES, ALL the time.
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NeedHelpWithMom Apr 2019
MumsHelper,

May I share something that my dear MIL once shared with me? Her mom was riddled with anxiety but 99 % of what she worried about never happened! That put it in perspective for me when she told me how miserable her mother made herself and others around her with her chronic worrying.

Save your worry or concern for legitimate issues. For instance, when my teenager totaled the car and was in the ER covered in blood! Poor kid, just an accident. She wasn’t driving recklessly, just inexperienced. Then I was very worried! But that’s a genuine concern.

She was unconscious and when she came to, she looked up at me and said that she was sorry about my car. I told her I didn’t care about the car and that I only wanted her to be okay. A car can be replaced, she couldn’t have been replaced. Thank God she wasn’t killed. She suffered injuries and has back issues but she’s alive! Other stuff usually isn’t as bad as we think it is and doesn’t deserve that much focusing on.

I sometimes overreact like everyone else. We all do! No one is perfect. But I remind myself constantly of her very wise words.
Take care and many hugs!
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I used to get severe anxiety attacks. Ones that would send me to the emergency ward. They usually came when I would shove my emotions down during times of crisis. Then when I was sitting outside looking at a nice view or something relaxing out they'd come.

I went for cognitive training and one thing I learned that has helped me when I start to feel one coming on is focus on something if you can. Anything. Look at something totally unrelated to you and concentrate on it. Like, oh look at the cloud, the shape of it, what does it look like. I know it sounds dumb but I find it works. Plus knowing that in the past when I've had one that I didn't die and remembering that cause when you are in the midst of one that is what makes it spiral out of control. So just remind yourself that you won't die. You didn't last time.
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NeedHelpWithMom Apr 2019
It’s not dumb. It’s redirecting. Smart choice.
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Sounds like GAD. General Anxiety Disorder is being anxious about things you don’t really need to be anxious over. Have you seen a dr.? There is medication and behavioral therapy that may be able to help you. Sometimes, especially if we are busy , we ignore our physical , mental and emotional health but imo stress is going to find our weak link. There is no shame if it’s mental vs physical.
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Of course.
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When my mother started getting bad, I had these little anxiety attacks all the time and when it got so bad I was getting afraid to drive, it led me to see a therapist. She taught me how to do "belly breathing" which I now do for half an hour every morning in bed and other times throughout the day. Eventually my mother was moved to a memory care home which took a lot of the stress off. I'm okay now, but I really suggest you learn that breathing technique and consider joining a support group.
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Oh my yes! Over the last few weeks, with the holiday, etc. the anxiety was crushing and unexpected. It's like you reach a tipping point and if just one more thing happens, your body is saying No Way!! I think that all the months of caregiver stress leading up to the last couple of weeks had finally taken its toll. The physical symptoms are scary, especially when they are sudden, but the mental blackness (for lack of a better word), is the worst for me. I know I should talk to someone but finding the time for that actually adds more stress! As others have said, breathing exercises help but when that doesn't work, a low dose of Xanax gets me back on track. But that can be addictive so it's my last resort. Oh, and camping is great too - especially if there's no cell service :)

Being a caregiver is an extremely stressful job. You are making decisions for more than just yourself and holding the quality of someone else's life in your hands. And, because most of the people we are caring for are elderly, frail, have health and/or mental issues, anything can happen at any time. Not knowing when the other shoe might drop can produce anxiety in even the most laid back person, I think. Add to that many months or years of this and it will finally reach a point where anxiety is your body's way of saying "time out".

This forum is excellent for finding others who are experiencing similar things. I've found that most of the people in my life don't understand the anxiety and think I can just get over it. But here, there are many of us who know exactly what you are talking about and it definitely helps not to feel like you're alone. And there are always many good suggestions on how to cope. I wish you all the best in finding a good solution for yourself - and if you do, please also share it with us.
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DobermanLover Apr 2019
I actually forgot about Easter this year until 2 days before...I always have a dinner for family, not huge or fancy but I totally forgot this year. No family dinner this year...nice not to have the stress of it though ;)
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I had these for many years because there had been so many close calls for my husband. Finally one day driving home I was having one and I told My Lord that he needed to take my burden of fear. I determined that fear was taking away my joy and enjoyment of being with him and I was tired. It is not easy though. If you're the caregiver to someone you love; when they're gone don't have regrets of being anxious instead of enjoying your time with that person.
I take a mild anti-anxiety medication too b/c it runs in my family. Deep breathing has always been a big help! I feel for you. I hope you have faith in God. I cannot make it without Christ being with me daily.
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I've been my mom's caregiver for most of my life. My life is severely intertwined to hers to the point I lost myself. However, I try to get a perspective of things. When she dies, how will I survive? Actually I tallied up the monthly bills and I realize I can make it. How can I get over her death? I probably will be destroyed..but we all know life goes on and human beings are SUPPOSED to die. Still I have been with my mom all my life and I find the thought of her death quite intolerable.
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ACaringDaughter Apr 2019
You will survive. It is not easy. Be kind to yourself.
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If you are a caregiver, the worse off and weaker your loved one becomes, the worse your anxiety and depression will become. That is because it is problem that cannot be fixed and their weakness and cognition will decline no matter what you do or how hard you try to keep them going. Anxiety and depression are my constant companions and sometimes they cripple me.
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