I waver between believing desperately in a force for Good and Kindness and Parity in this world and total Atheism.
Those who are "legitimately/ specifically" religious DO NOT READ FURTHER!
GOD is NOT easing my burdens, making a place for me at "HIS TABLE" I have no use for be-jeweled crowns, or arranged seating charts by burdens and goodness.
No GOD is taking my part or my place, Jesus is not cleaning grandpas urinals, or wiping feces off the walls. Mohamed is not standing between me and grandpas disgusting leering glances. Buddha is no where when I twitch,stressed out trying to sleep. Yahweh, Jehovah, RA, Zeus and the Prophet Moroni are NOT walking my steps with me and doing the work or soothing the aches of mind and body. I have prayed, begged, hoped, wished, VISUALIZED, pay'd it forward, meditated on it, slept on it and yearned for years of nothing but the same BS. IF I believed in a GOD of endless, repetitious misery, I would be an enigma in that I would have actual proof "of".
But evil prevails when good men and women do nothing. I think if all the people in the world who profess to love God did their share this world would definitely not be the horrible place that it's becoming. If you walk by a homeless person, tell them you will pray for them and then keep going that's not right. I remember my Hubs and I were on vacation in London and this homeless guy was sitting there with this big, beautiful husky dog. I ran over to pat the dog and then suddenly realized that here I was patting his dog and completely ignoring him. So, I went over to him and patted him on the back and said I guess you need a pat some time too. He got tears in his eyes and said yes.
It says in the bible "what you do to the least of my brethren, you do to me"
Sorry for preaching but if I didn't stick up for the side of God, I couldn't call myself a believer.
The battery cable story brightened my day - good one! And I thoroughly identify with the guilt of doing the right thing against parent's wishes. Its hard, very hard, whether or not said parents are able to circumvent. My mom likes to tell people she is allergic to any food she does not want, so if I don't sneak around her back and tell them about this habit, she could end up with nothing safe to put on her tray. She hates when I talk about her and polices my going to talk to her nurse or anyone, so I have had to get clever and go out one entrance and in another to do it without her knowledge.
That said, I'll take all the prayers I can get, however imperfectly intentioned. The God I believe in is highly tolerant of human foibles, including my own, and who am I to tell anyone how to pray or what to pray for? There are people who have not been through what we are going through, who have not had to learn the difference between joy and happiness, who will need our hugs and prayers for sure if ever reality should ever strike their little world.
i cried so hard and said out loud , THERES NO GOD ! by that time my mom appeard and smiled at me . i bawled oh mommy oh mommmm i need u and she just smiled and fade away . i bawled and bawled , how i miss my mom and it was just a split secs she poped up and smiled when i said theres no god . im thinking mmm she showed up to tell me yes there is god .
called my dad , i didnt tell him what was going on . just told him im just stressed out and down in the dump and told him what was my pblm . he said oh linda , something better is coming at your way .
i thought long and hard about it and snaped out of my depressions state and start lookin forward to something better coming at my way .
yes there is god , he s out there . answered or not answered ,
there is help out there ! go get one . dont jump up cuz someone barked and growl . go outside and let him bark and growl all he wants . u are not cinderlea . u are human begin .
if pa was at the nursing home he would have to wait hours to be his turn of care . so when he hollars i let him hollar till i get me myself done . then i ll go see what he wants .
be strong girl ! bark right back at em and let them know ure not going to tollerate it anymore , hire a help ! get a merry or a sara !!! go away and have urself a time alone . i go outside and sit and enjoy my time , pa hollars alot anyway wanna wanna wanna , then he realized i aint jumpin anymore so he apprecates what i do for him . i AM NOT CINDERELA ..
girl there is god , other wise we wouldnt have this agingcare dot com . :-)
I questioned God many times why I got stuck with an abusive, mean mother. I asked him why he took my wonderful loving father and left me with the witch to care for without any help from my sister. Over the yrs, I have just chalked it up to life. We are born and we die . . . and the stuff inbetween happens. I feel it's up to us to choose, cope, deal with, remedy, laugh about or cry over. Sometimes we can find answers, sometimes we make mistakes. How you cope in your life is up to you and should not be open to judgement by others.
I happen to believe there is a God. On the other hand, I respect your right to not believe. I think some people are sincere when they say they'll pray for you, others just say it as a cliche. On another thread someone said they'd pray for me (because I said I didn't agree with their answer and statements) but they weren't sincere and I found it all to be very silly. Because of what you've said, I see that it doesn't help people who don't believe in a god, to hear "I'll pray for you" and I'll never say it again especially if I can't do anything for them. Having said that, may I say that I WISH and HOPE something good will happen in your life to bring you some happiness whatever that may be. Nobody deserves to be as unhappy as you are.
I have been through the wringer in my life (as have most of us) and have maintained a faith in God, Jesus, and the Atonement. Knowing our lives are but a brief moment in the eternal scheme of things helps me.
Also, if I say to someone, "I'm praying for you"...I also add, "and what can I DO for you". I believe God works through us. "Thoughts and prayers" are all well and good, but ACTION is what is needed.
I respect each person's right to believe/not believe. But I do remember once, when my hubby was dxed with Primary Liver Cancer due to HCV---people would say "why YOU?" and he'd reply "Why NOT me" It rains on the just and unjust alike.
I've cared for aging, sick parents for years on end. Cared for sick hubby after a liver transplant. Care for him now as he is only 65 and has no will to do anything, ever. I see 15-20 more years of just taking care of all the things, while he sleeps his life away. Is this fair? Absolutely not. Am I angry at God? Absolutely not. This is life. This is what we signed on for. I look for the gold in each and day and most of the time, I can find it.
My life has been no better nor worse than many others. It's NOT the life I chose, or would choose again, but it's the life I have and I am living it to the best of my ability. Without my faith, I too would wallow in despair.
(and BTW, I don't have the ability to "let go and let God"--I need to be in charge :) and I know I'm not.
Aside from taking mom for an occasional ride, paying for her breakfast if we went out, or ONCE taking Mom to the doctor for me, there was no help, physical, emotional or financial. What I got from the one sibling was, "I'll pray for you." I wanted to scream back, "I don't WANT your prayers. What I NEED is your HELP!"
I put myself behind the 8 ball financially to take care of Mom, both at home and after she was in the nursing home. I paid almost a double share of her funeral bill, which was split 4 ways, because one sibling didn't/couldn't kick in more than $100 at the outset of the bill. So I paid almost a full double share on that. I bought Mom clothes, I took her on trips (only one of which was accompanied by a sibling who helped take care of mom on the trip - one diarrhea mess and I knew she wouldn't be helping again), took her to doctor appts, made sure she ate healthier (resulting in a 90 point drop in her cholesterol and weight loss over the course of a year), paid bills that she couldn't afford on her social security income, helped her pay off the 2nd mortgage on her home by making double payments with my own money, and far more.
And they want to pray for me.....and that's supposed to be enough. Sorry, but I'm not buying it.
I also am a Christian, but read your post anyway. Can I say something? It may not help, but maybe you won't feel so alone. I have two ill parents as well - one suffering from liver cancer, and the other needing a liver transplant (gee, where'd all these great liver genes come from anyway?). I am the main caretaker at times when they can't do things that need to be done. And I am also married to a baptist preacher. I find that people who tell me they'll pray for me (and my parents) are genuine about it, but they don't know what else to say or do to help. I get discouraged ALOT- with family and with our church because I too feel that alot of times people say these things to you to be nice and go along on their way - so don't think that God believing folk have it easy - you know God said it would rain on the just and the unjust alike. That is the world we live in. It stinks. Truly. I totally agree and don't understand either, but I know God is with me. It may not be His will to change my situation, but I know I am not alone. And it's hard to remember that when I am down in the dumps. (which honestly - is quite often) I have two kids under the age of ten, and my parents have a kennel that I have to take care of (which I do because I feel guilty feeling like they have to get rid of their animals if I don't help). I really do know where you are coming from. I am thankful for this board, because I think it is a place where we can keep each other encouraged. No one can say they know how you feel unless they've been there, and everyone here is struggling with the same type of thing. May God Bless each caregiver here for all they do (that is my prayer), and those they care for. Hang in there.
It really did help me when my father was dying to put it in god's hands. It was giving myself permission to not to try to make him better and to just take things as they come. I've not been able to do this with my mother, because she is so mean and demanding. Maybe it is why she is still alive. God doesn't know what to do with her, either. :)
I have taken to telling people "of course i am praying for you, but i have two hours on Saturday - what is something specific i could do for you" and i find that i get specific answers and can do something - even small tasks - that make a difference. These helped my stepmom also when dad was still home. Running a few errands for someone housebound seems to always be a big help.
But just saying "give it up to Jesus" makes me want to give a swift kick.
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