I waver between believing desperately in a force for Good and Kindness and Parity in this world and total Atheism.
Those who are "legitimately/ specifically" religious DO NOT READ FURTHER!
GOD is NOT easing my burdens, making a place for me at "HIS TABLE" I have no use for be-jeweled crowns, or arranged seating charts by burdens and goodness.
No GOD is taking my part or my place, Jesus is not cleaning grandpas urinals, or wiping feces off the walls. Mohamed is not standing between me and grandpas disgusting leering glances. Buddha is no where when I twitch,stressed out trying to sleep. Yahweh, Jehovah, RA, Zeus and the Prophet Moroni are NOT walking my steps with me and doing the work or soothing the aches of mind and body. I have prayed, begged, hoped, wished, VISUALIZED, pay'd it forward, meditated on it, slept on it and yearned for years of nothing but the same BS. IF I believed in a GOD of endless, repetitious misery, I would be an enigma in that I would have actual proof "of".
I also am a Christian, but read your post anyway. Can I say something? It may not help, but maybe you won't feel so alone. I have two ill parents as well - one suffering from liver cancer, and the other needing a liver transplant (gee, where'd all these great liver genes come from anyway?). I am the main caretaker at times when they can't do things that need to be done. And I am also married to a baptist preacher. I find that people who tell me they'll pray for me (and my parents) are genuine about it, but they don't know what else to say or do to help. I get discouraged ALOT- with family and with our church because I too feel that alot of times people say these things to you to be nice and go along on their way - so don't think that God believing folk have it easy - you know God said it would rain on the just and the unjust alike. That is the world we live in. It stinks. Truly. I totally agree and don't understand either, but I know God is with me. It may not be His will to change my situation, but I know I am not alone. And it's hard to remember that when I am down in the dumps. (which honestly - is quite often) I have two kids under the age of ten, and my parents have a kennel that I have to take care of (which I do because I feel guilty feeling like they have to get rid of their animals if I don't help). I really do know where you are coming from. I am thankful for this board, because I think it is a place where we can keep each other encouraged. No one can say they know how you feel unless they've been there, and everyone here is struggling with the same type of thing. May God Bless each caregiver here for all they do (that is my prayer), and those they care for. Hang in there.
BBBBAAAHHH But is any one else listening to that damn Hawaiian album! GAQH I may not wait for him to die before I total it!!!'
I am not a nostalgic, but there are things of the past which fascinate me. I would have liked to live in the liberty's era. My grandparents lived during that period.
Hey we did ripped jeans usually by then it was acid washed as well though. how bout shoulder pads and spandex..how bout together?...
I notice at 35 the desire to wear what pleased ME became far more important than what the world said looked good.
It's 6 in the morning here and I am going to take a nap! Have a nice evening! Stop listen to hawaiian music (I liked Loggins and Messina "Full sail", though) (music of the 80's, I think. Hawaiian rhythm sang by two American boys)
Glad to see you joined us last night, J. Keep putting your feelings out there. We are listening. It's not for us to judge you! I'm with you on naked. The less clothes the better! Although now that I have lost 16 lbs and have toned up, I find myself wearing tighter close when I go out. If you're looking good at 59, you flaunt it! Spandex is for the gym! Hawaiian music all the time would make me crazy!
Rossella, Interesting that you would like the tattered look, but then, Italians do have the greatest sense of style and can pull off anything!
Punk, know what you mean about the baby monitor. Always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Sleep? What's that? If it ain't Mom, it's the darn cats!