I am heartbroken for the families who have lost a loved one to the virus. And my condolences go out to you all. I have been caring for my mother who is physically impaired NOT mentally and she lives at an assisted living house since 2013 because I still must work. While working, I have been running my self into the ground every day, week and month taking care of my moms wants and weekly Dr appointments. Since March 13 I have not been able to enter my mom's facility, I take items to her weekly and leave items at the door and I talk to her daily but this has been a wonderful much needed break as I have no family, friends who care or siblings. I feel bad that so so many have lost their lives but, I have been grateful for the much needed and well deserved break. Anyone guilty but grateful?
The main problem with that is that I don’t have children, and of course if mom is the child in this “you owe me” assertion, then all the other nonsense (“I do whatever I want with my money.” And in the next breath, “I don’t want to know my balance.”) is moot too.
I guess it’s like, you have to treat her like an ungrateful toddler. Of course there’s whining and insults. And it all makes it very hard to remember what things were like before illness.
Hang in there and don’t feel guilty. From what you’ve said, you’re taking pretty amazing care of her. If you don’t take time to care for yourself, you won’t be able to do anything for anyone else.
I was called to work at a CoViD centre for 2 months....two months of my parents having to figure out how to get things for themselves, was refreshing.
Now I'm back and they've gone straight back into codependence.
Your priority is YOU! If no relatives, do you have any supportive friends? Get professional help for both you and your mother, and Mom should pay for all the help! Your mom went to assisted living because you are unable to care for her. Take care of yourself now or you will not be able to help anyone. Not let it become emergencies.
I went through similar problems with my late mother for 20+ years, so my out-of-state family had to step in to help us both get our own professionals plus move Mom out of CA to nursing home care near my brother's place in OR, since she could not adjust.
I have limit family connections but several nice local friends who understand what I suffered.
All my best prayers plus luck for you and your Mom.♡◇♧♤♡◇♧♡
Enjoy the moment. It may not last forever. And this is the only life you'll ever have.
YOU are paying to store her clothes? WTheck?? Why isn't SHE?
This is a good time to 'cut and run' so to speak. Set boundaries and if she doesn't like them, she can figure out a way to get the things she wants.
She can hire CG on top of what she gets from the ALF. They do not have to be you!
I feel so bad for people who live their lives for their parents--leaving zero time for themselves. My mother would run me ragged if she had half a chance, instead she bullies YB into doing the things she wants. He is sooooo tired, and yet she won't allow anyone else to 'do' for her. I am truly afraid he is going to die before she does and my SIL will NOT let her live there, should that happen.
I've learned the hard way that what I did for mother was NEVER,, EVER enough. I didn't clean well enough, shop correctly, say the right thing---I'd put my own family on the back burner for her and then find she was criticizing me to the other sibs.
This COVID thing has given a lot of us the space and time to really look at our relationships and to make the changes to make them healthier.
I wish you so much luck. Be strong and firm with her.
My mother would be mad at me no matter how hard I tried to 'get it right'. Now I don't even try.
You are NOT alone.
You are just as human as the rest of us.
from the garden, smells
much better.
I went through my Mom's verbal abuse for 30-odd years of 1975 to 2013, and I got so mad it took an LCSW to counsel me for over 5 years! The abuse continued during my unemployment of 2012 to 2015, and it was not even a COVID-19 era.
In March she ended up in hospital for a week with pneumonia just as the virus lockdown started. No visitors, no calls. Then to a NH for rehab. By then her mental state had deteriorated and the decision was made to keep her there permanently.
Now, My brother and I visit weekly for phone visits through a window. I canceled her cell phone so no calls! Other than a few calls from staff about meds and health issues it has been so much easier. It’s so sad to see this happening, but I really don’t think she understands what is happening. We talk for about 3 minutes then she falls asleep. She is being well cared for.
To answer your question though, I imagine a huge percentage of the population are enjoying being ordered to not work. There's no shame in that and it doesn't mean you don't hate the virus. I'm sure I'll be celebrating the end of the pandemic with every bone in my body, while also wishing I never had to work again. You're grateful for the break, not the pandemic. Relax.
To answer your question though, I imagine a huge percentage of the population are enjoying being ordered to not work. There's no shame in that and it doesn't mean you don't hate the virus. I'm sure I'll be celebrating the end of the pandemic with every bone in my body, while also wishing I never had to work again. You're grateful for the break, not the pandemic. Relax.
I lost my grandfather to COVID back in April. My grandma and I both got the virus. It's caused quite the upheaval in our lives, and yet there have been many silver linings to this strange situation we find ourselves in. I found out who my true friends were, and certain family members' true colors came out. I now have something of a savings account because of unemployment, I hate to say. And being unemployed gave me plenty of time to contemplate a career that I truly want to change to.
So, as horrible as this chapter has been, it's also yielded a lot of positive changes as well. I'm going to take the good with the bad, and keep praying for the best. I am grateful.