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Hello, not sure if what I am going through is a standard manifestation of burnout or if there's something seriously wrong w/ me. Just know I was seen at the ER 3 days ago & they didn't find anything deathly "wrong* with me.



To start, Ive had a headache for 9 days. Go to bed & wake up w/ it. Been filled with so much rage that I had a meltdown on my husband on Saturday that scared both of us & was 50% the reason I went to the er, the other 50 being my migranous headache.



I'm not able to tolerate anything. The slightest tonal inflection from my husband & I immediately insanely snap & go off the deep end.



Tonight's my first night back taking care of my parents since I left 4 nights ago... should've been enough of a break & much longer than most people on this forum get...but I walked out of the house after a half an hour. The TV's too loud, my dad's voice is too loud &he's talking paranoid thoughts cuz hes worried about the care workers stabbing him in the back by making sure he doesn't get his license back so that they will continue to be employed by him since the primary reason theyre employed is to drive him around.(Licence was suspended)I told him Im not going to live in a world of paranoia. He brought the subject up again & with my pounding head I stormed out of the house & went to my detached building to go to sleep.



He kept calling me, apologizing, saying he forgot I wasn't feeling well. I'd only told him that 5 times since the start of the night. (He supposedly doesn't have any cognition issues as he was tested 4 months ago in the hospital. I have no idea how he passed cuz he's constantly slipping)



Upon entering the building I sleep in, I had a meltdown, crying uncontrollably & feeling like I wasn't really my body, more like I was trapped in something foreign & I just wanted out of it but not knowing how to get out or how to end this feeling..SEVERE panic attack & ive never had one before..My head is pounding.. I am literally trapped here.. even if I went to the ER again for them to give me another intravenous Migraine cocktail, I would have to be back here in the morning 60 miles away to take him to dialysis..I am trapped..want to walk away from this. Don't know what to do.
I can't leave all this on my younger sister's neck but I can't continue to do it either.



My dad will not have it about going into a facility. I'm tired of seeing my mom filthy & her refusing to shower & getting away with it.



He can't hear for crap so every time I need to deal with the bank or other agencies, I have to have him in the middle to verify & give permission for me to speak to them & HE CANT HEAR THEM EVEN ON SPEAKER!😖UGH!! Everything is a mess cuz he lost his wallet a few months back & had to cancel all his cards & no one knows where his retirement is being deposited BUT I CANT CALL ON MY OWN!. I'm just sick of constant new problems!



Worried for myself cuz Ive never reached the point where Ive felt my body as something foreign to me. For a minute there, I really felt like a soul trapped in a human body. Never had that before.



Their situation isnt as bad as others on here. Im just an intolerant, impatient, non-nurturing person & this is a situation I never would have been any good at cuz I don't have the nature or personality to for it & im angry about that..My parents have done a lot for us. They deserve better than me.



I am also 95% sure im in perimenopause. Headaches, hair loss, mood swings, rage, SERIOUS fatigue,weird BAD painful muscle aches and burning that migrates around my whole body,hot flashes, personal things ..all my symptoms are VERY severe and i cant be seen by the menopause specialist for 2 1/2 months😩



These 2 major life issues have converged but I guess it's a common occurrence, I'm just having a severe time w this & feel like im LITERALLY losing my mind.



Now i hear my father screamng for 2nd time at the top of his lungs for my sis whos supposed to get a break tonight. Shes not answering.

I have to go outside to cry :( If it happens in front of her she laughs at me and tells me to grow up, toughen up ;( IDK what to do either, my brother keeps saying he will visit and keeps making excuses. He's been here twice for a little bit, he doesn't like to see her this way. Well neither do I 24/7 :( HUGS
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Reply to niknut333
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"he's talking paranoid thoughts cuz hi1s worried about the care workers stabbing him in the back by making sure he doesn't get his license back so that they will continue to be employed by him since the primary reason theyre employed is to drive him around."

What do these caretakers do? What are they being paid for? Seems that Dad thinks his daughters should be his caretakers.

Yes, I think menopause can have something to do with the way you are feeling. You cannot to this anymore. Get your husband involved and tell Dad he and Mom need to go to an AL at least. Your husband needs to talk man to man to Dad and tell him your at your breaking point. You can no longer care for him and Mom.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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Okay, not addressing the parental care situation but the headache. You may be (likely are) grinding your teeth while you sleep, which will cause a gangbuster of a headache because it will eventually irritate the nerves running down to your face/head. Maybe try a dentist.
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Reply to Tynagh
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I’m in burnout now! Different situation but last week my brain just went *phut*. It stopped working. And I keep crying. Every task feels like an insurmountable object to climb. And the tasks and responsibilities don’t stop. It’s really weird and scary feeling so hugely out of sorts and non functional. Even worse my bf sees me like this and I know it’s hard for him. Fyi I spoke to a counselor and she said this IS burnout. I didn’t know you could fry your brain like this.

I’d say definitely get your folks any outside care because it’s impossible to function and take care of even your basic self right now. And right now I’ve found walking outside in fresh air is the best thing.

Re: perimenopause. Yes! A while back I made a post about peri and caretaking. It’s a perfect storm - I think the stress and peri symptoms feed off and amplify each other! It’s been a big problem but just knowing this has helped me I think.

I’m really glad you posted this. Just by sharing now you’ve made me feel less insane. If you lived near me I’d give you a big hug and then we’d go lie on a beach and stare at clouds for a loooong time. Then we’d zone out in nature every other day in a similar way.

One day at a time out of this. Huuuuge hug again!
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Reply to Madisoncuckoo7
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It can and has happened to other people. You're not alone. As Snoopylove mentioned you do matter.

What you're experiencing is probably your body "telling" you it is time for you to take care of me. Please listen to your body

As Snoopylove also said, "Please keep us posted"

All the best to you, and your family.
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Reply to Cover999
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He may not want to go to an assisted living but maybe getting an at home caregiver will help. They come to your home and do the care giving, then you can just go back to being the daughter. It is normal for elderly people to get paranoid and can definitely be hard to handle. This sounds like a case of burnout, I just went through it and took 3weeks off of work because of it which definitely help. But having a caregiver at home 24/7 or almost 24/7 gives you and your sister a break plus helps with your dad not wanting to go to a facility.
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Reply to Caregiver4lif
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4 nights to recover from burnout?

Um. In my experience it takes three years.

If your sister is heading the same way - and if she's got to the point of being able to blank screaming for attention it sounds like it - then you have reached the end of this particular care pathway. Where are the caregivers coming from?
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Reply to Countrymouse
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Tawheed, seconding Barb’s advice here. This IS an emergency! You matter! The pain and distress you’re feeling right now are so evident in your post. Your description of not feeling your body is yours, feeling a profound disconnect between soul and body — to me this sounds like a symptom of someone being pushed too far and I would advise your doctor or an ER doc or another medical professional of it.

Please keep us posted!
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Reply to SnoopyLove
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Tawheed, it's the middle of the night here, but you're not alone.

You count. Your needs are JUST as important as your dad's. He doesn't get to ruin your life.

You take him to the hospital tomorrow and tell them he is a "social admit", that you are unable to care for him any longer. This is also known as an ER dump.

Unless your father had 3 hours of paper and pencil testing with a neuropsychologist, they can't say he doesn't have a cognitive problem.

You could schedule a visit with a neuropsych if you can tolerate him living there a bit longer.

He needs headphones and he WILL wear them or the TV gets unplugged. Get yourself earplugs.

If you can tolerate it, take care of his basic needs.. 3 meals, dialysis. Dressing, bathing. Nothing more. Stay away the rest of the time.

HAve you been to your regular doc? Considered seeing therapist, and maybe a psychiatrist to prescribe some meds, even short term?

(((Hugs))))

PS, just read your other post. Just because your dad says he will die in a home does not make it so. Both of your parents belong in care.

If they are admitted to the hospital, they get discharged from there to a facility. You do NOT volunteer to care for them at home, nor do you volunteer to set up services.
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Reply to BarbBrooklyn
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