Hi Everybody, I’ve been reading all of your comments for a couple of years. I really wish I wasn’t part of your club but I am.
My 90 year old Mom has vascular dementia which is getting progressively worse. She lives alone with a caregiver that comes 4 hours a day. She owns a $220k home with $30k mortgage on it. The house is in her name.
Assisted Living is out because she needs more care and a nursing home is to depressing for us kids to put her in. She gets pension and social security at $2300 monthly.
I want to get a reverse mortgage and use that money for her care.
Has anyone here had luck w a reverse mortgage? I heard they charge $15-$20k in fees. Do you still own the house? Would they pay off her existing mortgage?
Sometimes I wish she would die in her sleep. It’s all very stressful and I’m across country. I go home for a month every 3 months .
Sorry for going on and on .
If your mother is living by herself in a house with a four hour/day caregiver, and her condition requires “more care” than provided in AL, then SHE NEEDS the services of a nursing home.
Her ear needs are what matter as a dependent adult. The emotional responses of her children should NOT be part of the decision making process.
An OBJECTIVE ASSESSMENT of her condition by a trained geriatric professional may be helpful in determining the BEST ANSWER for your mother’s care.
If the goal goal of a reverse mortgage would be to provide the same level of care as she is receiving now, you already know that her needs are not being met by that.
Consider HER NEEDS then address them.
What my Dad did was sell his house, and use [after closing costs] the equity toward Assisted Living/Memory Care which was about $7k per month.
At this point in time, your Mom wouldn't be able to obtain a reverse mortgage, as she would need to be able to understand the paperwork.
Reverse Mortgages are more geared for those who have money, and wish to take out equity to use in the stock market or other investments knowing they will gain more than what the cost would be to repay the reverse mortgage.
Look into Assisted Living/Memory Care facilities. The ones in my area are built more like hotels than institutions.
4 hrs a day is not enough care for Mom unless someone is with her the rest of the time. Have you figured what it would cost for 24/7 care in her home. At $10 an hour (this would be private pay, an agency would charge at least $20) that would be $240 a day, 1680 a week, approx 87k a year. Even if you sell her house, the proceeds would be gone in 2 years at least. Better that you sell for Market Value (Medicaid requires this) put the proceeds in an interest bearing account. Find a nice AL for maybe 5k or so a month. Use the proceeds to offset what Moms SS and pension doesn't cover.
Unless a family member is willing to live with Mom, I really don't see how you can keep her in her home. Reversed mortgages work on equity not what a house is worth. So Mom only has maybe 190k to work with. I hated that most of Moms money was going to the upkeep on a house that was getting old and repairs were needed. She could have sold the house 11 yrs before she died. Took the proceeds and put that and Dads insurance money into CDs. She could have gotten a nice apartment and pretty much lived off of her SS and pension. The sale of the house as backup and money for the AL she was eventually in. As it was, the house became a burden to me. In the 4 yrs it was for sale it deteriorated. It sold as is for 40k. Lots less than she could have gotten for it 13 yrs ago.
You as a family need to make decisions now concerning Mom. Dementia can be a slow process or Mom wakes up one morning and its progressed a couple of stages. Better that you place Mom somewhere early so it becomes her home than later when she doesn't adjust as well.
sorry for going on and on .
thanks again
They do NOT loan you the entire value of the home. Thus, in our situation it would’nt have paid for mom’s care hardly any time at all. That was the deal breaker for us. Her home was already paid for, so we didn’t have to worry about a preexisting mortgage.
You must do some kind of counseling/information meeting with them so you understand what you’re getting into.
There are appraisal fees & the like that are charged. Since we didn’t go any further in the process, I have no idea what they are.
Best of luck to you in trying to figure all this stuff out & deciding how to best proceed.
thanks for your input.
It is a desperation play for someone who has absolutely no alternative.
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