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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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I am caregiver to a drama queen - may sound harsh but it is true, so there are lost tempers on both sides. I have found that I have to be assertive in my family, and it's sad that I have to blow my top to get the point across but sometimes I have to. I am trying to learn to count to ten like my grandma did - but it's hard when you are the one who is held accountable for everything that happens
Wow, I have lost it and yelled at my Mom before,and felt terrible about it... But what do you do???? You are human, thrust into a horrible situation, and react. The words hurt me a lot more than her, she had forgotten it 2 mins later.
Of course we have lost our temper! We love them but they can be maddening.
What you want to do, rather than wallow in guilt, is to figure out just why you lost it. Did they make a comment that hit a sore spot? Were you already feeling bad? You have to try to find a way to react better, but it's not easy.
It is very hard to apologize, but you can do it. With luck, they might even forget what happened.
If you come close to physical action, just leave the house for a few minutes. You really don't want that on your conscioence.
ande - sorry that your mum has passed and that you are left with some regrets. I think most of us have some regrets when a person passes. I call them the if only's and what if's. If only I had or had not done this or that...
You wrote that you heard your mum call your name. Whatever you did or didn't do I think she loves you and knows that you love her. None of us is perfect.
Please don't beat yourself up. Regrets are very much part of grieving the loss of a loved one. When you are ready you may want to find a grief group. I think most communities have them and they can be very helpful.
Hope things work out for you now. (((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))
Did your mother ever yell at you? Nothing to be guilty of here. I am sure she forgave you if she even registered that you were aggravated. No one has the patience of a saint. Remember the happy times and forget the rest. You did a good job and it is never easy
everybody loses it sometimes in the face of such insanity. i told my mom once that i was a contractor with a broken truck, up to my elbows in head bolts and broken manifold studs and if i ever heard about her buick recall again id cram the car in a dumpster and burn it. idda actually done it'show pissed i was.
Your guilt may be a way of delaying grief. How were you mean, was it a constant, one time or many? Was there a reason, or you just weren't a perfect person? Forgive yourself, if you can't, seek help from a therapist. We all lose it. Just this morning I made my Dad feel like a fool. I have a migraine but it is no excuse. My words were mean and unkind. Do I feel guilty, no. I feel like an idiot, but I will forgive myself, strive to do better, and bend over backwards to give Dad a good day.
I am sorry you lost your Mom. You were there for her. That is what matters. Depression is genetic. Could this be depression?
Any caregiver has lost their temper. If they say they haven't, they're lying. Momcare, I don't know how you do it. My mom is 96 and going strong. Today at pickleball, I was talking with a friend and one of the other players has a mom who is 103. If my mom lives that long, I don't know if I can take it (or survive it) - and she doesn't even live with me!
Since your mom does live with you (or vice versa), you need to think about alternatives if you do get to the stage where you can't take it any more. If you get to that point, you're not a bad person...you tried. And that's all any of us can do.
I'm new here and I haven't read all the answers yet buut I lose my temper with mom pretty much every day. and it's getting worse and worse, as mom goes more and more downhill. She does not have Alzheimer's or dementia (so far thank god) and I feel bad for those who have to deal with that. But I can't take it when she leans on everything as she walks (from someone who used to walk everywhere to save bus tickets) and her sleep pattern is completely messed up, and I have to call her 4 and 5 times to eat breakfast and I am terrified that one day I will find her dead. I can't handle the twice-daily ritual of pill sorting -- it's like a drug addiction. I thought I was raised better than that. And when she goes to the doctor she tells the "Oh i'm fine there's nothing wrong with me, more pills pleae." Yesterday I sat in her clinic surrounded by screaming kids for THREE HOURS after being assured that she never waits longer than 5 minutes. I nearly murdered a couple of those brats.
I am an only child. Never married, always lived here with Mom (and with Nana when she was alive). Closest family lives in another province, hundreds of miles away, and we don't hear from them from one year to the enxt. the majority of my acquaintances (I have very few people I can truly call my friends) are extremely unsympathetic and encourage me to move out on my own. Never mind that I haven't had a full time job since 2012 and no job at all since June 2015. (One career counsellor refused to help me till I move out of the house.) Older people (e.g. people from our former church) tell me, "it's so nice you live with your mother and take care of her. those ones who move out and have their own life, they don't love their mother like you do."
Mom plans to live till 90! So I have another 10 years to endure this. I can't put mom in a home -- then she will have the pleasure of strangers yelling at her in French and being stuk in diapers. I am nnot only at the end of my rope but I have already tied it around my neck and looking to kick the chair.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
The words hurt me a lot more than her, she had forgotten it 2 mins later.
What you want to do, rather than wallow in guilt, is to figure out just why you lost it. Did they make a comment that hit a sore spot? Were you already feeling bad? You have to try to find a way to react better, but it's not easy.
It is very hard to apologize, but you can do it. With luck, they might even forget what happened.
If you come close to physical action, just leave the house for a few minutes. You really don't want that on your conscioence.
You wrote that you heard your mum call your name. Whatever you did or didn't do I think she loves you and knows that you love her. None of us is perfect.
Please don't beat yourself up. Regrets are very much part of grieving the loss of a loved one. When you are ready you may want to find a grief group. I think most communities have them and they can be very helpful.
Hope things work out for you now. (((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))
I resemble that comment. :)
I am sorry you lost your Mom. You were there for her. That is what matters. Depression is genetic. Could this be depression?
Since your mom does live with you (or vice versa), you need to think about alternatives if you do get to the stage where you can't take it any more. If you get to that point, you're not a bad person...you tried. And that's all any of us can do.
I am an only child. Never married, always lived here with Mom (and with Nana when she was alive). Closest family lives in another province, hundreds of miles away, and we don't hear from them from one year to the enxt. the majority of my acquaintances (I have very few people I can truly call my friends) are extremely unsympathetic and encourage me to move out on my own. Never mind that I haven't had a full time job since 2012 and no job at all since June 2015. (One career counsellor refused to help me till I move out of the house.) Older people (e.g. people from our former church) tell me, "it's so nice you live with your mother and take care of her. those ones who move out and have their own life, they don't love their mother like you do."
Mom plans to live till 90! So I have another 10 years to endure this. I can't put mom in a home -- then she will have the pleasure of strangers yelling at her in French and being stuk in diapers. I am nnot only at the end of my rope but I have already tied it around my neck and looking to kick the chair.
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