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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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Mom has passed so all you can do at this time is honor her memory, by telling the others in your life that you love them. Some people and some families scream at each other, yet they know they love each other. You cared for her, so she knew you loved her.
Windytown, I always felt more like a manager than anything else when growing up. And Jinx, she will not throw a tantrum around my father because she was always afraid he would walk out - in fact she once 'blessed me out' because he did not take her out to eat! ( It was 'all my fault' you see) Hugs to you both!
LivingSouth, My mother, an Alabama girl BTW, learned to throw fake tantrums to bring my father to his senses. He actually liked it, and would calm right down.
I am caregiver to a drama queen - may sound harsh but it is true, so there are lost tempers on both sides. I have found that I have to be assertive in my family, and it's sad that I have to blow my top to get the point across but sometimes I have to. I am trying to learn to count to ten like my grandma did - but it's hard when you are the one who is held accountable for everything that happens
Did your mother ever yell at you? Nothing to be guilty of here. I am sure she forgave you if she even registered that you were aggravated. No one has the patience of a saint. Remember the happy times and forget the rest. You did a good job and it is never easy
You lost your temper.....so what? that is a good thing.....you just blew off some steam. care giving is torture.....we all deserve to explode.....the torture builds up and up........it's a wonder we don't all lose our minds with the crap we have to endure.....so again, losing your temper is just a normal common reaction.
Andebrum, confession is good for the soul. Tell us the details of one time when you were mean. When you keep it inside, you can't tell how big it is. We will help you see it as a bit of human weakness, not an act of evil.
Your guilt may be a way of delaying grief. How were you mean, was it a constant, one time or many? Was there a reason, or you just weren't a perfect person? Forgive yourself, if you can't, seek help from a therapist. We all lose it. Just this morning I made my Dad feel like a fool. I have a migraine but it is no excuse. My words were mean and unkind. Do I feel guilty, no. I feel like an idiot, but I will forgive myself, strive to do better, and bend over backwards to give Dad a good day.
I am sorry you lost your Mom. You were there for her. That is what matters. Depression is genetic. Could this be depression?
Wow, I have lost it and yelled at my Mom before,and felt terrible about it... But what do you do???? You are human, thrust into a horrible situation, and react. The words hurt me a lot more than her, she had forgotten it 2 mins later.
everybody loses it sometimes in the face of such insanity. i told my mom once that i was a contractor with a broken truck, up to my elbows in head bolts and broken manifold studs and if i ever heard about her buick recall again id cram the car in a dumpster and burn it. idda actually done it'show pissed i was.
Ande you are definately not alone. We all are only human and have ups and downs, especially in stressful situations like being a caregiver. Your mother knew you loved her. I believe that she was letting you know she was ok by you hearing her call your name. You have nothing to feel guilty about, and eventually you will forgive yourself for being human. Grief is a process so if you feel comfortable sharing you might check into a grief group.
ande - sorry that your mum has passed and that you are left with some regrets. I think most of us have some regrets when a person passes. I call them the if only's and what if's. If only I had or had not done this or that...
You wrote that you heard your mum call your name. Whatever you did or didn't do I think she loves you and knows that you love her. None of us is perfect.
Please don't beat yourself up. Regrets are very much part of grieving the loss of a loved one. When you are ready you may want to find a grief group. I think most communities have them and they can be very helpful.
Hope things work out for you now. (((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))
Of course we have lost our temper! We love them but they can be maddening.
What you want to do, rather than wallow in guilt, is to figure out just why you lost it. Did they make a comment that hit a sore spot? Were you already feeling bad? You have to try to find a way to react better, but it's not easy.
It is very hard to apologize, but you can do it. With luck, they might even forget what happened.
If you come close to physical action, just leave the house for a few minutes. You really don't want that on your conscioence.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Hugs to you both!
Communicate in a language that they understand.
I resemble that comment. :)
I am sorry you lost your Mom. You were there for her. That is what matters. Depression is genetic. Could this be depression?
The words hurt me a lot more than her, she had forgotten it 2 mins later.
You wrote that you heard your mum call your name. Whatever you did or didn't do I think she loves you and knows that you love her. None of us is perfect.
Please don't beat yourself up. Regrets are very much part of grieving the loss of a loved one. When you are ready you may want to find a grief group. I think most communities have them and they can be very helpful.
Hope things work out for you now. (((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))
What you want to do, rather than wallow in guilt, is to figure out just why you lost it. Did they make a comment that hit a sore spot? Were you already feeling bad? You have to try to find a way to react better, but it's not easy.
It is very hard to apologize, but you can do it. With luck, they might even forget what happened.
If you come close to physical action, just leave the house for a few minutes. You really don't want that on your conscioence.