Anyone use an Alexa to replace a phone for parent with dementia?

Try it. If she takes to it, great (she'll be able to play music and ask questions and all sorts, as well as make calls) - and if she doesn't, what have you lost?

I can't say that a lot of our clients are using Alexa but it is beginning to catch on, and the ones that do love it.

I think the BIG question here is will mom remember to say Alexa call so and so? It sounds quite simple to us whose brains aren't broken, but to someone whose brain is broken and will only get worse that seems a bit much for them to have to remember.
And perhaps one day she will remember and the next day she won't, thus causing her more frustration.
I'm not sure what the best solution would be, but perhaps someone else might have some better ideas.
Good luck with getting things figured out.

Grandma is right. I have Oasis shows (with Alexa) in our bedrooms and I thought mom could use it to call me if she needs help at night. I showed her how it worked and put a card next to it saying, I think is was, "Alexa, drop in on Janet" next to it, but she never tried it. Learning new tech when they are already into dementia doesn't work. Maybe if she had been using it for years, but to learn something new is not doable. I have a baby monitor that is on all the time. I can check on her when I wake up and, hopefully, I would hear her and wake if she calls out. It has a speaker so I can talk to her too. I could use the Oasis Show in a similar way, but it would only be "on" while I'm using it, I can't just leave it on in the background.

You're right, it will take her a while to settle in. Everything will seem unfamiliar to her for a while, and it will make her anxious. It took my mom 6 weeks to be able to settle in and about 3 months to start participating in things routinely. A lot of your mom's bandwidth will be tied up in navigating a new environment, so she may be a little foggier.
It's unlikely that she'll be able to learn a new behavior like using Alexa, because it's a fairly new technology that she hasn't used before. My mom could not pick up using Siri on her ipad. We do facetime her, and she can sometimes call me back on it if she sees a missed call. I heard the Echo Show(?) is nice because you can dial in and go 'live' without the person having to pick up. I'm not really familiar with it, but people seem to like it.

The Echo Show could be good for dropping in to check on her, but I wouldn't count on her being able to initiate contact with it. Naturally, these devices are best at doing things that make Amazon money (so don't link it to an account with an active credit card) but you can do stuff like load photos into her Amazon account and set it up so that they display on the Echo's home screen if she might like old or new family photos or cute pet pictures.

The landline phone is your best bet for her being able to call you. The more it looks like a traditional phone, the better, but if she can't remember phone numbers or how to use a phone list to look them up, you might need the kind with names/photos on big buttons. Get one that lets you turn off the ringer and it will be harder for anyone to call her, so scammers can't get through but family and friends can use their Alexa or App on their own devices to call her.

Mom must feel very anxious, therefore she wants to call sister. Ask about anxiety meds.

I wouldn’t trust her with a phone unless you can prevent outside scam calls. As for Alexa, we have one. It’s great. But it’s unlikely that your mom would remember to use it or even what it’s for. That’s been my experience with my LO.

Better to calm mom’s anxiety so she (hopefully) won’t want to call anyone. And if she makes new friends, that might help too.

So I agree - in an emergency is she going to remember to say "Alexa, call...." Also as far as I can tell you can't say "Alexa call 911" . The Drop In feature is a little more complicated. They have to remember to say "Alexa drop in (whatever you name it) Echo Dot" Additionally they have to say "Alexa call (the exact name in your phone contact list that you sync to Alexa)" or "Alexa call (the exact name that you program into the contact list directly)" so you will need to make sure they can actually do that on a good day - much less in an emergency.

We LOVE our Alexa and we have Echo Dots and an Echo Show and our kids even have Alexa enabled TVs (which was a lifesaver yesterday because we were out of town and youngest DD (young adult) had her phone on silent but always has her tv on and there was a package on the porch in the rain and I sent an announcement through Alexa to the entire house using my phone and she could hear that - so that part is awesome.

They are a great tool. You just have to make sure they know how to use it properly.

And for just a touch of humor. Please take a moment and look up the SNL Alexa Silver skit on You Tube. It will make you laugh for sure.

No, don't exhaust yourself trying to get her to adapt to new technology. She won't retain anything new you want her to learn, even simple things that are new. We got a landline phone that has large buttons with big pictures of our family members so that my MIL only has to push the pre-programmed button to call any one of us. She's had the phone for months and hasn't used it once. She's 88, has moderate memory impairment and is in LTC.

It may be time for meds for your Mom. It sounds like she is Shadowing her sister (a common phase in dementia where she doesn't want her to be out of sight because she can't understand, remember where she went).

By "home again" do you mean back to her room? Are sister and her living in the same room or separate rooms?

My question would be, you don't expect Mom to leave her room? My Mom was in a small AL. She had Dementia and needed to use a walker. She was primarily kept in the Common area but was able to walk the hallway. The hallway went around the inside of the one story building so always ended up at the Common area. There were big chairs all along the way. I found my Moms shoes next to a chair.

If your sister is not in the same room or able to be there all the time, Mom is going to wander. You can't expect her to stay all by herself in a room. If your afraid she will get out of the building, then she should have been placed in Memory care.

When sister leaves the building she probably has to sign out. At that time maybe she should ask Staff to watch out for Mom. Or take Mom to the Common area where she can be watched.

No, she does not need a phone if she can't properly use it. And Sis should allow staff to care for Mom in all ways. That way when she needs time to herself, Mom is familiar with staff.

Blue Eye Girl.... here is the Saturday Night Live skit regarding Alexa.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=YvT_gqs5ETk

How old is your sister that she has moved into AL with mom? And does sister need AL as well? Or did she move in so mom would have company?
I can not imagine this is a good solution.
It sounds like mom should be in Memory Care rather than AL.
MC would be a locked unit, she can wander the halls but not leave the building. The staff ratio is better in MC than AL or IL.

OK...just read your other post and it answers some of the questions I had.
A suggestion for you...
If sister has to leave the building is it possible that she could bring mom to an activity that will be supervised or can she arrange a short stay in Memory Care so that mom would be supervised and be in a more confined area of the building. In either case she would have people that would be able to reassure her that sister will be back soon.

I also am not tech savvy and I have no idea if Alexa or any of the devices like that would work. I do know I would not one in my house.

FF and BlueEyedGirl... that SNL skit made me and hubs laugh *so* hard. My son gave us an Alexa dot a few years ago but we've been a Mac house and business for decades. Sometimes when I'm calling it Siri and not getting a response, my husband will come in and start yelling "O-dessa!!!" and wonder why we're so bad at inter-webbing.

Thank you all for your responses. I think those of you who think the technology would be hard for mom to navigate are right—I have ordered a land line with pictures on speed-dial buttons that is similar to the phone she had at home. And thank you for suggesting we simply disable the ringer! Lol! Of course! A good solution for the scam calls.

Of course my mom can leave the room. No, of course staff cannot and should not be responsible for looking after my mother. We do not expect them to. But they have been clear they can manage “smaller” confusion issues to a degree—it was discussed going in. This AL is a step-up care kind of place, with many mild to moderate residents, and an “in-between” wing for residents not quite ready for MC. We chose it for this reason, but honestly most of the places I toured have a significant percentage of the residents dealing with some degree of dementia, and they were very open about it. It is a growing issue for our seniors.

Mom does have anxiety meds available to take when needed, and we will certainly be using them more now. Moving is a terrible stress in the best situations. She is only five days into the new AL, and there will be stress to be managed for many weeks, I am sure.

The situation with my sister and mother sharing the apartment is one we considered carefully, and we are fully aware it might not work long term—but my sister wanted very much to try. She has deformed feet and cannot walk well, and some other health issues, and is excited about being in this facility for herself. She used to be an aide in nursing homes as her profession, and has been my parents’ caretaker—by her choice—for several years. She is familiar with what will be required of her, and possible issues that will need to be worked through. My sister has very little money, and is in her 60s. She sees this as a wonderful opportunity for community for herself, and is loving the support of meals and housekeeping. All the IADLs are off her plate, with only the ADLs for mom left, which are her strength. After two years my sister can transition to Medicaid pay and stay the rest of her life here, something she is hoping for.

Going forward, Mom will be taken by an aide to participate in meals and activities each day, as well as therapy twice a week. For my mom, this is a very full schedule. My sister is not able to easily go places, and plans to make the AL her “world”. She will be participating in most of the same activities as mom, though likely with different new friends.

There are four or five other mothers and daughters who share an apartment at this facility. It is a solution others are trying as well.

I had a Vivint salesman come in a bill me for the next 7 years for a system that I didn’t ask for. He scammed me and used my signature to outrageous expenses. Be careful have someone like a family member to put you in a system and don’t us companies that prey on you needs for a profit. Alexa is not a good help it’s confusing to the patience they think it’s someone in the house with them because they here voices.

WearyJanie, your mother should be in memory care for her dementia and Alzheimer's. Not sure if the Alexa or any type of phone will work for her if she is unable to learn with her broken brain. Her sister will have to call and ask for her and the staff bring the phone to her.

I installed one for my sister so I could drop in and visit her during lockdowns for Covid. It scared her and she would unplug it . When I would try to talk to her she would not stand where I could see her. You may have better luck but it did not work for us.

What a great place! Seems you did your homework.

My SILs parents must have been in an AL like this. She didn't need it so much but he had ALZ. She came and went because she knew the staff would look out for him. She loved the activities. She went on the outings. At my Moms, they had outside entertainment come in. I would go when they had it.

We received a "Grandpad" from the Home health agency we contracted with. When they stopped paying for it we decided to keep using it. We paid the yearly price and were told that we would get a refund for any months we did not use. It only allows calls from/to people we set-up and designated family members can send pictures to it. It does not require a phone line. It also has games and very limited websites on it. I am not very tech savvy but I found it easy to use. My Mother-in-law can push the picture of her daughter to call her.
Our local PACE also started using "grandpads" a couple of years ago.

Hi, I’ve been using Telecalm, it allows you to set up who she receives calls from and who she can make outgoing calls to. Helped with the scam calls tremendously. It’s about $56.00/month. You or your sister can see who calls, and the numbers not listed will go unanswered. If a scam call comes in and leaves a message, you will get a notification, but your mom will have no idea. It also has a repeat dialing system that you can control if she starts to repeat dial someone. You can find it through the Alzheimer store or just google it.

Years ago when my grandmother was in a NH, she started calling 911 & 0 for the operator just to talk to someone. Her phone was taken away. I bought her a new push button phone with large buttons & put family members on speed dial. I used a glue gun & glued the 9,1 & 0 in place so they could not be pushed. That solved the problem. There never was an issue of my grandmother dialing random numbers to talk to someone.

WearyJanie: Perhaps your mother should be in a memory care facility. Not sure, with Alzheimer's at play, if Alexa could even be an effective tool for her.

I know from caring for my Mr. and Mrs., we set up an account online with the phone company, and one of the customer service representatives walked us through turning on the feature that stopped scam callers. It Did help.

still had a problem with the magazines subscriptions thou. The companies would call and my Mr. would order another subscription. When I finally realized what was going on i had to cancel 28+ subscriptions for the same magazine he had! Fortunately the company was understanding.

Once it is setup, The Alexa “Show Me” device will allow your sister to use her phone to “drop in” to communicate with your mother without your mother having to do anything on her end to accept the call.

Alexa sounds great! Another option is the Grandpad! especially made for people with ALZ. I used that with my Daddy. He could call anyone but it blocked all scams because only the people that had his number could be set up in his contacts and misdialing he was not able because only the contacts showed up on the screen. It can be set up for the internet but that is an extra step that only the account holder (me in my case) can do. It has games, news, and music.

We have set up several Alexa’s in my 94 year old dads home to aid in helping him and us to communicate.
he has a hard time remembering how to ask her to call someone. He also gets confused with the regular phone and forget about using a cell phone! We also found a phone that we can add specific numbers to and have the person’s name or photo put on a button for them to push as a direct call with no dialing needed. My handicapped brother also uses it! As for the scam calls, we have a vtech phone that can have call blocking. You program numbers that you want to go through to her and any other numbers get cut off. Unfortunately, the phone will ring once for an unknown number but it then gives a message to the caller that these calls are screened. It has cut down on the number of unwanted calls.

We are going through some of the same things with my mother and are setting up the Alexa Show and plan to use the drop in feature. We have tried it out in our own home and it seems like the perfect solution as my mother often forgets to hang her phone up. We also bought a phone on Amazon that we programmed and it is dialed by pushing a picture of the person she is wanting to call. It's not perfect but it does help as she would never be able to dial a regular phone herself.

Does the facility offer a Wander Guard? It's a bracelet or pendant that can be worn that would keep her from exiting the building. I think she will soon learn her way back to her "new home" and the other residents really don't seem to mind redirecting.....they do that with several in the AL facility my mom is in.

Yes, Alexa can be used to place a call to a cell phone just by saying
"Alexa, call sister" once you have set up her number as an "Alexa Contact. This was a great help to a friend who was going blind

The drop-in feature is also great where her sister could use it like an intercom, or a video call, without any action being necessary on your mom's part.
However, this requires a more complex setup.
https://www.techenhancedlife.com/citizen-research/how-set-alexa-calling-loved-one