They don't know me and they don't know what I have to go through,Everyone here on this board knows, we have to shower our mother or (father in my case )and put med's in places that we would really not like to touch let alone look at. Clean up urine, and poop anywhere and everywhere. Be home bound so that medicare will pay for services,take them to dr's appointments, not be able to go anywhere without finding someone to take care of them for a few hours or having to take them with you that means getting them in and out of the house and a car.
Let alone making different meals because they want to eat later or earlier.
The extra washing of clothes and towels ect...The no time to yourself or with your husband or wife. So I am missing something here what is it that we don't appreciate again. I just want to say to them walk a mile in my shoes then you have the right to tell me to appreciate what I have.
She will always be in your heart and she will be with you in spirit forever.
Many blessings to you and be strong. Mom is proud of you!!!
"Misfortune can force you into doing things you should be doing anyway. Lessons come from adversity. Anything can happen to anyone... You can find a new lease on life -- more meaning than you thought possible in simple things... Let go. Live in the moment. Go forward."
~ Christopher Reeve
Do they have medicare? If so they are entitled to visiting nurses who will do a lot including some cleaning etc. There are also other organizations that will send people in to help for free or very little. It takes a bit of digging on the web to find these services, but well worth looking into. There are also volunteer services, and meals on wheels. You DO NOT have to do it all. Dig to find alternatives. I, like you have disabilities, and am in fact in the middle of a SS appeal. I've had 6 surgeries on both hips, and a shattered ankle I got 27 yrs ago. I have two sisters who refuse to help in any way (except to criticize), and no boyfriend or children. As you can see we're floating in the same life raft!!! If you yourself are on medicare or medicaid you also may be able to get help due to your back. I am looking into options myself, so if you like I'll mpass on my info to you. What state are you in? Sometimes different states offer different services. If this helps any, my little escape is going out after dad is in bed for the night to hera live music. I don't mean "bar" band music, but a piano or acoustic guitar in small places. It helps remind me that I'm a human being!!! Also, if your back allows try a small walk out in nature (the best healer). I try to do little things that bring the attention back to me even if it's just for a couple of hours. If something's going to happen to them it's going to happen whether you're there or not. Sometimes we feel "Oh my God, what if something happened and I wasn't there?). Give that up and take the necessary time ti take care of you, and most of all . . . DON'T FEEL GUILTY! LOVE
"Past the seeker as he prayed came the crippled and the beggar and the beaten. And seeing them... he cried, "Great God, how is it that a loving creator can see such things and yet do nothing about them?" God said, "I did do something. I made you."
~Author Unknown
It's a good thing that your mom has embraced the death (I call it the beginning of life). She recognizes that she's lived life, and now can't even do the things that bring her simple joys. I watch the show "I survived . . . Beyond". I recommend to everyone I know to watch it because they interview people who have actually "died", some as long as 1 1/2 hours. Every single one, except the ones that have taken the wrong paths, have claimed they feel love, intense pure love the likes of which they could never have imagined. They all say that they are embraced in such powerful love that they don't want to come back here. They see their loved ones who've passed there waiting for them, and claim they appear to be the most beautiful and luminous versions of themselves looking healthy and glowing. They are so happy with out the cares of this world. That show can take the fear of death out of anyone. The only reason some come back is they have unfinished business here, and it is always young people. The elderly have lived full lives, and their are ready to go to that amazing place. When my time comes I will look forward to my new life! Everyone should Google the show, and read about it. I'm sure it is probably on demand too. Do not confuse it with "I survived". "I survived and Beyond" is the version of those who have actually died. It is an amazing show! Your mom is probably feeling the light, and love radiating from the other side. Be happy for her! As much as I will miss my dad, I know my mom, and his family and friends are waiting there for him with open arms. I no longer fear death because of watching that show. So, anyone reading this post . . . PLEASE watch that show! It will ease all your woes. LOVE TO ALL
If you don't let them go they will feel obligated to stay for your sake. They need your "permission" to go. There is also a part of me that doesn't want my dad to go, but the other part knows he must. I want him to be rid of his broken painful body, and go the the land of pure light and love. I've posted this berfore, but try to watch the show "I Survived . . . and Beyond". Not "I survived, it must be "I Survived and Beyond. You can probably get it on demand. I think your thoughts of not wanting to lose them will change. Remember, it's about them. We will all miss them terribly, but they have lived full lives, and are ready to go. It is the natural order of things. MUCH LOVE and LIGHT! I will Google the show and post it, K?
I am going to post this question in a bit, but in the meantime does anyone know how long a frail 60-70lb woman can go on without food/fluid? I know dehydation has set in by now, because of moms low intake prior to her decline. I just don't want mom to suffer anymore than necessary.
I debated on who to contact and share moms condition with. I decided to call moms "supposed" best friend(who hasn't been her to see mom since spring) I causally called and slowly approached what was going on. Sure enough this woman instead of coming to see mom or accept it. She went into her spill of useless fixalls and information. I was furious, this "friend" of moms had enough nerve to tell me its just depression and she will pull out of it!!! I know this woman has told me that a thousand times before but now I had enough. So I wasn't so nice, I know I insulted her but hey this is the reality: Dementia has now consumed mother and its just a matter of when it will finish her off. I was told that mom should go to ER or to another dr. For what????? Her wishes was no artifical means, and really what will that do but just prolong her suffering. Right now, mom is comfortable and is in her own world. She looks so at peace.