They don't know me and they don't know what I have to go through,Everyone here on this board knows, we have to shower our mother or (father in my case )and put med's in places that we would really not like to touch let alone look at. Clean up urine, and poop anywhere and everywhere. Be home bound so that medicare will pay for services,take them to dr's appointments, not be able to go anywhere without finding someone to take care of them for a few hours or having to take them with you that means getting them in and out of the house and a car.
Let alone making different meals because they want to eat later or earlier.
The extra washing of clothes and towels ect...The no time to yourself or with your husband or wife. So I am missing something here what is it that we don't appreciate again. I just want to say to them walk a mile in my shoes then you have the right to tell me to appreciate what I have.
"When we honestly ask ourselves which people in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares."
~Henri Nouwen
Now I look back and actually miss taking care of Mom even though it was extremely stressful, confining, frustrating and overwhelming. I am so glad that I took care of her for all that time even though at the time I thought it was the hardest thing I ever did. It wasn't. Losing her is the hardest thing but because of those 6 years, I have some wonderful memories that other family members who never called or visited will ever have.
I don't know if this helps you or not because it is so difficult when you are caring for another person's every need but trust me, one day you will look back and be glad that you did it.
I don't clean up very much and only go to the store when not many are there. I lose my patience some but I truly believe that it is not possiable to do this and not feel this way. I will be lost when it is over as I am close to my parents but they don't even think I care I can't make them understand that I am burn out and tired my dad will not extrise so he get weaker and I have to carry more I think this is what bothers me the most. My brother lives a few states away so he doesn't help alot and he is not a caregiver and would put them both in the Nurseing home. They would not fair well in a home i know them too well. So this is a roller coster ride for me I am grateful one day and tired and burnout the next as I am sure many others are. I pray for strengh and patiance more than anything. Sometimes I wonder if it is this hard for a reason for when it is over maybe we will be too tried to greif like when a teenager moves out it is a relief when they have pushed you to the limit you love them but you need a break. Unless you have been a caregiver you don't have a clue. Good luck to all the caregivers out there like I tell everyone I may not be doing it right but I am doing the best I can. A Blessed Merry Christmas to everyone.
I guess people who arent involved in the act of caregiving don't get it. They see what they want to see. They live in a world of denial how bad the illness is and think all will be well. I wish mom would get well, but the reality is the opposite and there is no denial for me. I was slapped in the face with reality.
People mean well, I just get bothered by ones giving me pep talks when they have no clue what I have and am going thru.
I have learned just to let it go in one ear and out another. I got a full plate here with my mom. I don't need to be bothered by what people say. I just grin and change the subject.
These people probably don't know what else to say to us, may not really "get it".
Actually, we really do have to appreciate what we have....what we have left that is.
We have practically lost ourselves, our lives....sometimes I feel more dead than the people I am trying to keep alive. They have hope, and I am loosing mine.
That is what my life has boiled down to.....giving hope, happy times, personal care, love....
Carol