My mother has been in the same facility for several years. Since Covid I have noticed she is very unkempt looking. They used to keep her hair shaved off her face and her nails cut. But that doesn’t seem the case anymore. She wears clothes that are not her clothes and are either to large or too small. Do I talk to the nurse administrator about these things?
I did my mother's nails for her when I visited, and brought mixed up clothes to the administrator's attention. I checked her clothes to make sure the labels were in them, replaced missing ones, and acted as a member of my mother's care team, not just the person who pays the bills.
How long do you normally spend there during visits? If possible, see if you can spend a whole morning up to and including lunch with her, using this as an opportunity to make connections among her care team and get her possessions organized.
Bear in mind that if it's been several years, there may also have been a falling-off in your mother's motivation and a change of priorities for her. Grooming and dressing are very much part of supporting a person's individuality and are very important but make allowances for anything that *she* can't be bothered with any more.
Regarding the hair removal specifically: if she's on blood-thinners, the aides may be extremely reluctant to shave her (or prohibited, even). If whiskers are bothering her (mine bother me!) consider alternative methods such as tweezers or facial depilatory creams. Waxing would probably be too fierce for fragile skin.
Shaving may not be done everyday but if resident can't do it, then an aide should. I would say there is a shortage of aides. Nails and shaving may not be a priority.
It may seem silly but it's just too easy to do someone a real damage with the very best of intentions.
I’ve experienced the exact same issues with my loved one, too. I was told that each person’s laundry was done separately, so how do they end up with other people’s clothes? I bought customized name labels and put them on everything, including shoes. There have been grooming issues, too.
When my father was in the NH, I picked up his laundry once a week and did it myself. This is the only way to keep someone in their own clothes and this doesn't always work. Sometimes different people's clothes being worn are not the fault of the staff. In nursing homes or any facility where there are people with dementia, clothes and all kinds of different items go missing from residents' rooms, closets, and bathrooms. They get nicked by other residents.
One thing that you can know is that most facilities without medical personnel hestitate to trim toenails. This is predominantly a problem with seniors and poor circulation, difficulty healing small nicks and scratches and the danger of sepsis.
Chances are the facility she's in has changed hands and been bought up by a different company. Usually when this happens residents have to start paying extra for every service and the new company reduces essential staff numbers to maximize profits.
Ask if the facility is owned by a different company now.
If your mother doesn’t express concern, it maybe better to let this go.
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