My mother is So defensive she becomes unapproachable. Anything you say to her she says says I'm yelling at her. They complain about something and when I try to fix it she says . 'no it's ok' and won't let you. Kinda like when mom was younger and acted like a victim about everything and now implying ' no is ok I'm used to everything not being right. I would much rather struggle and fall down than accept your help. So I feel like saying 'ok just yell real loud if you fall so I can pick u up or call 911 cuz u think I'm not capable of helping you. Even though I've been a nursing assistant caring for other nice old people for 5 years. It's messed up.
my sis lived with my mom for a few years and she steadily took control of the household to include mother. i came out and got mom a vision aid machine, rigged her washer / dryer controls so she could use them, ditto with the wall thermostat and other minor irritants. this ending writes itsself, lol . mom promptly told sis to hit the bricks..
so she put my sister's name on her bank account...the sister that has sky high credit card bills, is bipolar and has been in the mental hospital AND binge shops...
I have DPOA though now...thank goodness!~
Probably the best you can do is avoid arguments.