This has not happened yet, but it is the one thing I am most terrified about at this time. She has mistaken 2 of my children for 2 of my siblings, so I am starting to get extremely nervous that the day will come when I walk in to her room to start her day, and she won't know who I am.
I lose more of her everyday. But I never tire of her sweet kisses. Every night I read to her a small passage from the Bible and pray with her, when she gets in bed. I’ll do so as long as she’s still in this earth.
It is a lonely life from the bride I once knew. But she’s still my best friend!
I host a caregivers support group on Zoom. If you, or anyone reading this post would like to join in, message me at 7-1-9*6-5-0*9-3-6-9.
She may not know "who" you are
She may not know how you are related
What she will know is that you:
Say "Good Morning"
You take care of her
You are safe
You don't yell
You don't expect her to do things she can't do
You are there when she needs you.
You treat her with dignity and respect.
Aren't these things we all want?!
If you have to introduce other caregivers work with them for a bit before you have to leave her with someone else.
I simply hold their hand as love can be felt.
I heard a beautiful story on a Religion in the 21st Century video by Fr. Himes of Boston College. It was touching. As his mother neared the end of her life, she had moved to be closer to him in Boston then onto a home; dementia of some sought. He said his mother didn't remember his name but one day she said to him, "I don't remember your name but I know you are someone that I love very much". I thought it was so beautiful. It makes me fill up as I write this.
I hope this brings you some consolation...
It may never happen that mom doesn't recognize you. It's more common with Alzheimer's than the other dementias to forget loved ones faces. With all dementia, however, they do regress in time to different decades when they didn't have children, so that's a reason for forgetting who we are or not recognizing us. It constantly changes, too, so tomorrow can be a whole new scenario for mom than today was.
I hate dementia with everything in me. I pray you don't see your fear come true with your mom, and that she knows who you are forever. Best of luck.
Her symptoms are pretty consistent with general symptoms of dementia, so you continue caring for her as you have, identifying yourself as “I’m someone who REALLY LOVES YOU, and will continue to take good care of you and be by your side”.
The name she calls you, or the person she identifies you as really doesn’t make too much difference to her, as long as she knows you are there for her and love her.
As her care needs change/increase, remember that you don’t have to provide her care alone. Be prepared if/when she needs 24/7 care. If you have some ideas about when you need to offer her more help than you alone can give, it will help you to make that transition more peacefully for you AND for her.
This is tougher if you live with your mom, but maybe there’s some ‘signature piece’ you can wear around her, especially if its tied to the past? Like hair ornaments or shirts in a color you wore a lot as a child, or if you have wild hair like me just let it be free…you get the idea. Won’t stop the march of this hideous disease but it’s something.
Have to add that after being the chipper entertainer in the MC with my mom I go to my car and usually cry. We just have to get through this.
Big hug, wishing you the best!