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Thanks for the good advice and support from everyone. My family seems to feel that I should take care of Mom out of love and not expect any compensation. They don't seem to understand that this is a 24/7 job. She has dementia, paranoia, separation anxiety, and fear of the dark to name only some of the issues I am dealing with. I do love her dearly. That is why I don't want to see her put in a nursing home. I feel that her money should be where ever she is, and handled by whoever is taking care of her but I don't have any family support. At least nobody has spoken up. My brother who is POA seems to think that as long as I am compensated for her personal needs I am not entitled to anything else.
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I feel that if she lives with you, and you are her primary caregiver you should have POA!!!! you need to talk to your brother and have things changed if he refuses you can always call Dept of aging in your area and ask them for advice
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How about inviting your brother over to stay overnight a few days. Ask him if it's okay that you and your husband take a whole day and night off to rest. If your mom has dementia, like my own father's Alzheimer's, your brother will instantly realize where the money should go.

Later, bring up the subject of the money. Ask what he plans and uses the $1,020 for, if you're not getting it all right now. I think if you're feeding, housing and caring for her, your expenses and time easily run into that whole $1000. If I was your brother I'd have no qualms about giving you the whole $1,020. Or I might say that it's being put in savings that will be used when she needs more intensive arrangements.

In actuality, the $1000 per month and $30K will not be enough for an assisted living situation. Sorry I don't have a solution to this. I myself care for my father and use up his $600 in social security each month. And we already used up all $20K of his savings for medical, travel to see the grandkids, etc.

When my dad was living with my brother the social security went 100% to my brother, and I do have to say I don't think he fully utilized it well, he being a typical American with maxed credit cards and such. We got into some arguments over it.

But when my father came to live with me, my brother never said anything when I asked him to hand over my father's ATM card. But I did have to ASK for the card...

Maybe it will help you, my exact words were, "Hey, do you have dad's ATM card?" Not much else needed to be said. I was expecting him to make a stink about it. (The social security is automatically deposited into my father's checking account)
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I think you and your husband should sit down with your brother and tell him how you feel and come up with a plan either that or he needs to hire aides to go in and do the care and when he finds out how much it would cost for this not to mention the days the aides him and say they will not be there at the last min. he may very well be glad to pay you for your time and if he does not agree he can make arrangements for the care.
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By taking care of your mother in your home, you are saving your brother from writing a check for her care in an assisted living facility. The arrangement you have is not fair to you.
As a caregiver, I am compensated for taking care of my father-in-law. He would have it no other way. He knows I devote a great deal of my time towards him. This includes making sure he is always in clean clothes, changing his sheets, making three square meals a day along with snacks, getting him to the doctor, barber, appointments taking him on outings, making sure he gets in and out of bed safely, and has a healthy amount of interaction. I do have help come in to bathe him three times a week. He is 89 years old with Parkinsons, dementia, and has a stoma as a result of Bladder cancer. It is a challenge to say the least. Clearly your brother needs to realize this is not an obligation a senior adult child must do for a parent out of "love." You need to spell it out for him and ask if he and his wife would like "a turn" as it is overwhelming for you and your husband to do alone.
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