My mother is being asked to leave her assisted living facility. Her dementia has caused her to be pretty nasty to the workers and one resident she hates. She also won’t let them do anything for her. Won’t eat their food, won’t let them in her room to clean up her literal sh*t and won’t let them dispense her meds. She is still able to do many things but the dementia is something she won’t acknowledge. Now they want to kick her out and she is only able to be in a ALF because of Medicaid. I’m pretty scared. She cannot live with me. I already have my Dad. She says they are lying to get her out. She thinks she is a victim. She does not think she can’t live on her own. She does not remember the many times I have spent days cleaning that old apartment. I live in the next state over about three hours always. I can only get there once in awhile because my work is short staffed. I’m so tired and worried. Any advice? My sibs all live too far to help and they have no money to contribute. How do you get them to acknowledge they have dementia when they forget everything they did that showed you they have dementia?
In your shoes, I would communicate with the SW or administration at the AL, not your mom. Ask what there plan is if she doesn't leave voluntarily. Tell them, forcefully, that living with you is not an option.
Likely they will take her to the ER and from there, the state will assume guardianship and she will be found a nursing home to stay in.
Does she have an actual diagnosis of dementia? Did she willingly go into the AL? How long has she been there?
Your profile says you are her PoA so now you need to talk to her doctor to see if medication for aggression/anxiety would help. She needs to stay in the AL. It's not their job to "fix" her behavior, it's the PoA's responsibility.
Have you called and talked to the admins at the facility? Sometimes they can give helpful advice since they've "seen it all". At the very least call to tell them your situation and that you're working on it so they'll have more patience with it (if you haven't already done this).
It's not uncommon for someone with dementia to not recognize their own disease. It's called anosognosia.
It will be hard and stressful for a while but then once her behavior is improved, the clouds will pass. You may want to consider moving her to a facility more local to you since long-distance management often adds to the caregiving burden. I wish you success in getting through this crisis!
wish you luck !
Prayers
Ask the AL to bear with you a little longer while you get things set up. You will need to find a Medicaid facility. She is going to need to fit LTC criteria so hopefully someone will come to interview Mom.
However, Medicaid holds the purse, so talk to the SW about options and under no circumstances agree to take her, even temporarily.
If she has a UTI that can't be cleared up--that can make her behavior unbelievable. But if she's 'physically healthy' then certainly something can be given to her to take the edge off the anger and acting out.
And yes! she needs to be in the proper facility for her level of care.