My dad just got out of hospital after a week or so . He had a spinal compression fracture. He is not in pain when he takes meds but right now, he is non communicative, and wont eat. He hasn't had a meal in 3 days. My buddy thinks he is quitting. I emailed my dad's primary dr asking him his thoughts . It took an hour to get him to take his meds tonight. Should I call home health nurse for help? (Hospital approved it already. )
Is it time to seriously consider im in over my head?
Background.
He is 87+. In a wheelchair. Doesn't speak English as a first language and can't hear well. I have an appointment with audiologist but that isn't until March 13th. Physically I can't lift him. I need help in doing that. He is able to move himself from wheelchair to toilet. Although he hasn't eaten and is wasting away. He weighs about 110lbs.
Thoughts?
BTW my 98 year old mom passed away within 3 weeks of this kind of fracture. She was ready.
I have emailed a friend that works at an audiologist office to see if a generic aid can be suggested.
He is drinking again. He asked for a coke. Just now he ate 1 slice of buttered toast.
They are delivering the hospital bed tomorrow afternoon. The only time he needs to get up is to go to bathroom. Which he transfers himself frim wheelchair to toilet by himself still.
I cancelled the chaplain as im not religious and he is wondering who all these people are in the house. They did give me an emergency morphine kit if he refuses his meds and pain rises. Apparently it's a liquid syringe. So im grateful for that.
He is still fighting me on medications.
To answer some of the questions and comments, yes I listen to him the best I can. He did say don't feel bad if he passes. Feeding him is prolly a choice I'll leave up to him. Im not forcing anything except pain pill currently. If he doesn't take tramadol he is in excruciating pain.
He is a shell of his former self. Although he was exceptionally abusive when we were kids, nobody should be treated with anything except dignity at this phase of life. I feel sorry for him and a part of me wants him to join mom in the afterlife. I think he will be happier there than here in this life he has now.
I hope you listen to what he says and accept it and honor it.
If he tells you he is too tired now to go on don't negate it.
Tell him that you understand if he is exhausted and wishes to go, but that you will never be ready to lose him, and will carry him with you in your heart.
Be kind and loving and understanding.
As a nurse I had many patients whose families would NOT listen to them, who were left to tell their truth to perfect strangers, their nurses.
You tell by asking and by watching. And I suspect your suspicions that he is ready are correct.
My mother was skin and bones in her older years. My father was very thin before he died too.
Yes, ask the nurse for her opinion. See what the doctor has to say too.
I don’t think that I would force food. What meds are you referring to? Just pain meds or other meds too? He should eat a little something with pain meds but it doesn’t have to be a heavy meal, just something light will do.
If you feel that you have reached your limits with caregiving, then please look into alternative options for your father.
There is no shame in not pushing yourself past your limitations. In fact, it is wise to step away rather than totally burning out.
Know that you can count on support from members of this forum. We care.