I'm sorry for the long letter, but my heart is breaking for my sister(J) who was almost forced to care for my grandmother, our mother, and our aunt. Our eldest sister (T) was helping but unsuspectingly passed away, leaving all responsibility to J since the winter of 2017. She has been living in home with my aunt who is the last relative of the three still in need of care. J has tried maintaining full/part-time work on the side to help pay her personal bill. But due to multiple emergency hospital visits, doctors appointment, etc., she has been forced to quick or let go seeing as she is the only one who drives.I am really hoping that the state (TX) has a way to compensate her for all she has had to give up. I know some would see this as being ungrateful but J has really sacrificed a lot to be there for them.
Please help me help her. She deserves something.
No such program exists.
No one is forced to do such a thing, and it is very poor decision making to do so.
When people are this needy they need to be in care placement; let us say there is no family at all? Then that's what happens and that IS a governmental program that pays. But it pays caregivers in long term care facilities.
Deserving, as we all know, isn't getting. The world would be turned on it's head when/if that happened.
Sorry for these circumstances.
The lessons in life come VERY had; but at 82 I can vouch for the hardest being the most clear and the most unforgettable.
You use a word that I see used often with regard to elder care. And unfortunately, I think it is the wrong word maybe. You say several times in your post that she was "almost forced" or "forced". Technically speaking, you can't forced one adult to care for another.
Sometimes it looks like the only option, and often it is the easiest option on paper for everyone involved (if someone is willing to step in, for free, and provide care for a loved one, and no one has to make any other decisions, and the loved one gets to stay where they want....no one is going to rock the boat - easiest option for everyone on the front end). It is usually not until that caregiver is burned out entirely that any noise is made of making other choices.
Those harder choices, the ones no one wants to make,
You want to help your sister. Her options at this point are to continue on as she is, or to look for other options for aunt - including residential care - and then have her own life to live as she so chooses, including the ability to provide for herself.
I can't tell you the number of caregivers that we talk to here who gave up their entire lives to care for someone, and then find themselves with nothing once that loved one passes away. No home, no job, no retirement savings or ability to support themselves.
The state, except in very unusual circumstances, is not going to pay her to caregive. And the process for the few that will offer any pay is long, and the pay is rarely what people expect. It may be time for your sister to put herself first and consider other options.
Even after the Aunt passes away and there's money in her remaining estate, it won't be possible to collect anything post-mortem when there wasn't a written employment contract and J wasn't billing her for her hours. Many have come to this forum asking this question. It never works to do it in this way.
If J is younger than 65 she needs to understand that if she's not getting a legitimate paycheck (from anywhere) all these years then there's no money going into her own social security account for her own senior income. If she doesn't have 40 quarters of recorded work then she won't be eligible for Medicare.
There may be options for getting the Aunt into a different care situation but you will need to give us more info: How old is J? Does the Aunt have dementia? Does the Aunt have a PoA? Does J live in her house? Does the Aunt own a house?