SylviaT Asked March 2021
Be honest, how many hate being a caregiver?
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You have to acknowledge your anger. Stand in front of a mirror and look yourself in the eye and say "I am so angry this happened to my husband, and it's OKAY to be angry. I hate this disease and what it is doing to him. I know it's not his fault". Then ask for grace and patience to deal with the issues that arise. Do it as often as you need to. It does help. I used to yell at my husband when he would do something bizarre. By acknowledging that I was angry at the disease, I found acceptance that allows me to be kind and compassionate. Sending you a giant hug, because we all know what you are going thru.
I thank you so much for your advice. I am not a bad person and I believe in God and am a Christian. I will try what you're saying and thank you for not being judgmental. Hugs back!🤗
You must remember that the people we are caring for tend to mimic or mirror our moods and attitudes, so if your attitude is bad all the time, then his will be as well. I had to learn that the hard way while caring for my husband, but thankfully I learned it fairly quickly, and it made a huge difference. There is nothing easy about being a 24/7 caregiver, this I know first hand, but I never, in all the years I was caring for my husband said or felt that I hated it. Was it hard and exhausting? Ah...yeah, but I also knew that if the tables were turned that he would do his best to care for me too. Sometimes it's just a change in perspective that will help us see things in a different light.
You need to now decide to do what is not only best for your husband, but also what is best for you. Praying that God will give you wisdom and discernment in going forward.
I am a good caregiver. Just because recently my attitude have changed doesn't make me a bad caregiver. To be honest with you, I know that a nursing home would never give him the care I've been giving him. Not even the hospital treated him right last year. The hospital abused him. So, yes I believe a person can be a good caregiver and still hate it. Do I think my husband would take care of me the way I've taken care of him if it was the other way around? No, I don't. That doesn't mean he doesn't love me and I don't love him. We've been married 39 years. I think that says something and this is not my first time taking care of him. So, I appreciate your advice, but no my husband will not be going to a nursing home if I can help it.
You’ve come to the right place. Everyone here is a caregiver or has been a caregiver and in the past.
So we understand completely. Caregiving is exhausting! It’s extremely difficult to see a person decline.
I read your profile. You have a lot on your plate.
How long have you been caring for your husband? How much longer do you feel that you can continue doing full time caregiving on your own?
I feel for you. My mom has Parkinson’s disease so I know first hand what a challenge it is.
I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
You cannot help them if they don't want it. It's hard to watch them crash and burn, but sometimes that's what we need to do. When they get themselves into enough trouble, you stand beside them and help them through it.
If they end up in hospital or nursing home because of poor choices they made, take the opportunity to go through their place and clean out all meds, foods, etc that have expired. Put up a few "safety nets" in anticipation of them coming back home.
Also, get them to give you POA healthcare, or sign the proper papers at their M.D. to give you access to speak with their doctors.
Be prepared for them to reject your offers, but persistence will pay off eventually.
I know how you feel. I too pray everyday for God to help me in every way. To give me strength, understanding, wisdom, to tame my tongue, and much much more! I am always frustrated, angry, resentful, exhausted and burned out!
I'll pray for you and you can pray for me and maybe together will get through this!
Hugs!!!
This is truly a challenging and exhausting career. I am constantly working on my attitude. I breathe a bunch! I truly work hard on not saying what I'm thinking. I call a friend. Heck, I have called customer service to just talk to somebody different! I drink a glass of wine occasionally.
I do not work for a company. I consider this caregiving my job, so I treat it as such.
I pray extra prayers for those who work for companies and also care for love ones too.
I incorporate creativity in my day as much as possible in caregiving. I play music, dance in the living room, watch movies or have tea time and talk. We color children's books, word search books or just take a walk to the mailbox. Sometimes we just walk from the front door to the back door inside the house. We write letters. I have learned to not push them.
I do seek help. No help is turned away. I've learned to relax. When they sleep, I sleep. When help is here I often go for a drive.
I BELIEVE, God WILL send what I need. If I ask. Not what I want but what I NEED.
Whatever I do for me. I do for my love ones. I do it today, I don't do it tomorrow. It is exhausting and there are often no rewards. Breathe.