My husband had kidney cancer 25 years ago that spread to his brain. He had his kidney removed and then a brain tumor removed. Then whole brain radiation. Cancer did not come back, but the radiation has done terrible things to his brain. He's now in a wheelchair and totally dependent on me. I miss him terribly even though he's still here. We always went on road trips together with our kids every year and did things together as a family all the time. He was a wonderful husband and father. When I look back, I sometimes wonder if I appreciated it enough back then. I sure hope I did.
Nobody gets out of here alive--and hopefully we all have been blessed with enough love and care that 'leaving' is not awful for anyone.
When I went through chemotherapy, I truly came to find out who was 'there' for me and who was not. No anger, no judgment, many people can't handle 'sick' of any kind.
Life is so short. I hope my LO's know how much I cared for them. I have no idea how most of them feel about me. It's not a contest, nor a goal. I believe life on earth is brief and challenging, but it is what it is.
My daddy spent about 3 years being 'unaware' of most things. I spent a LOT of time with his as he was bedridden. Nothing can take that from me.
What's that song? "What the world needs now is love, sweet love, that's the only thing that's there's just too little of".
One of my favorite quotes and mantras is from the book "How Green Was My Valley" --
"...there is no fence or hedge round Time that has gone. You can go back and have what you like if you remember it well enough."
Treasure the memories of the good times, because they haven't been taken from you.
We're all human, but it makes no sense to go over the would haves, could haves or should haves in our minds. All we have is today, so please make sure you're making the very best out of it. and be thankful that you still have your memories of the good times shared. God bless you.
Of course you miss him terribly. Even though he's still living, you're grieving the loss of him. Be kind to yourself. Take care of you because being a 24 hour caregiver to someone is no easy task.
It sounds like you have precious memories of your husband and children. It is true, sometimes we don’t know what we have, until it’s gone. Don’t you think part of that is because we were young and busy with raising our children, along with many other things.
Here’s another take. my mother in law was the dearest woman in the world. She was so very kind to us. Well, whenever she was around our daughter, she would look right past us with a giant smile on her face that lit up the entire room. She would say to our child. “Come see grandma!”
My husband and I would look at each other and giggle. My mother in law’s love for our daughter was so touching. We would joke around saying, “Gee, we remember when we got a big hug and kiss before our daughter was born, now we are invisible.” We are grateful that our oldest child knew her. She died before the youngest one was born. My parents did the same thing. They were fabulous grandparents, but we knew they didn’t forget about us.
We absolutely knew that we didn’t hold a candle next to a precious child and we didn’t mind one single bit. After my mother in law said hello to her granddaughter, we got our hugs. We knew that she loved us! I have no doubt that your husband knew that you loved him and knew that you were busy with life and raising your children.
Hang onto those precious memories and maybe document them. Even though your husband may not understand continue to tell him how much you love him and how much you value your relationship.
Prayers that you are blessed with peace, grace and love.
It's fine, it's normal, it's human. You were too busy being together and living your lives together to stop and (mentally) stare at it. But I'm glad you have those happy, happy memories to sustain you now.