Since my father has passed and my mother now has dementia (read below) my sisters have become increasingly difficult to get along with. Long story short. My older sisters husband argued with me last summer about something and it got pretty heated on his part and he ended up blaming me for his outburst and till this day will not talk to me. Now planning Christmas holiday I have been uninvited to my other sisters house because my brother-in law will not go if I’m going. My other sister said it’s best if I stay home and they all carry on Christmas without me. (First inviting me then changing her mind) They are willing to pick mom up and drop her off. My sister who’s husband dislikes me said that he will allow her to go but he will not attend and my other sister basically said for me to stay home. After a whole day of arguing with my sisters about this I said it’s best to carry on and do my own thing. As much as it hurts and how painful and mean they are being it’s best that we keep our distances. I’m also getting engaged next month and feel like I have no family support.
Read a great quote today-“Not all family is blood and not all blood is family” Coming to realize things in life.
so negative and mean and seem to ruin any good day I have. Very sad that it has come down to this we were very close before.
Going from two parents to one parent really throws off the balance. And - get ready for it - a new circle of drama after the last parent is in the ground.
I am the uneager puppeteer for my in-laws’ version of this Sturm Und Drang. The back story would take a week to explain.....
Suffice it to say that IF there is any family togetherness on a holiday, my guy & I do all the planning, all the hosting and all the heavy lifting. Why? Because we are not hoarders; our house is not an open litter box; we are not alcoholics; we do not abuse benzos and opiates; and I’m not a total f***ing bitch.
Great, huh?
I tolerate this only to give my 83-yr-old “mother-in-law” the false sense of family unity that she craves so deeply. (Of course, my guy & I have no control over attendance. All are invited. The head count is usually far less.)
After my 83-y.o. MIL passes, I will QUICKLY and HAPPILY retire from being the welcome wagon, the caterer and the fall guy for this sorry-sack family.
My guy will have to find a way to have a relationship with his siblings that does not involve me as a facilitator. He’ll have his work cut out for him. But that’s his problem.
I have no gauzy childhood memories of watching cartoons in my PJs and water-balloon battles in the backyard (et al) with these clowns. When I met my guy’s siblings, they were self-centered adults with a shocking lack of empathy, no sense of reciprocity, and difficult spouses.
Fast-forward 20-some years: nothing gets better with age. And they can all have each other.
In the here and now, FIL is gone and my household has taken up the (rudimentary) mantle of family togetherness. When MIL is gone, all bets are off.
Start now thinking its just you and fiance from now on. Hopefully he has a family you can embrace. If you r having a wedding, invite them. If they don't show up that is their problem, not yours.
Later, I found out that my dad figure sense I can cook quit well and had my boyfriend to share the holidays with and my brother couldn't cook or have anyone they would have him over. Talk about the pain and disappointment I felt, but I decide for my guy and me to do our own thing and it worked out for the best. No family drama or presure.
I am truly sorry that you have to go through this, however, as painful as it might be you now know where you stand with your sisters & you can make up your own rules on what you and your new-to-hubby wants or do. I think you might find it enjoyable.
I did, there were no presure to try to get along with someone who hates me and no drama. My BF and I still had great holidays. But I must admit there is no pain like your own family rejecting you. That I am sorry for.
Take this time and figure out what you & your new hubby would like to spend your holidays. What would you like to do?
Best wishes to you!
If your BIL won't behave like a man, perhaps you could. Offer to meet and shake hands with him, and then for heaven's sake never revisit whatever it was you were talking about when this all blew up.
You've all quite enough real drama in your lives without [sexist description deleted] egos acting up.
like he’s using this as an excuse...
Congratulations on your upcoming engagement! I hope you have support from your fiance and at least one other nice, normal person (such as a counselor) during this time. Thinking of you.
I however do not miss them. I pray for them. We never had a good relationship, and their was always chaos at every family function. I am sad for my Mom. But I do understand that it is difficult having family and knowing they are their and knowing they don't care.
The quote you came across,“Not all family is blood and not all blood is family” Is so true.
I have people in my life that are better than family, would do anything for you kind of people. I consider them family. Even wise Solomon says in Proverbs 27:10,"....for better is a neighbour that is near than a brother far off.
My heart goes out to you. And if these people want to be that way let them be, and just do your own thing. You don't need all that negativity in your life.
You are not alone.