I'm a widow with a 19 yr disabled son. When i found this job i was practically in the street..almost evicted.
This job pays very well..I sleep at this house 4 or 5 days a week $180 a day. It's him and his wife..he is a retired Dr. Millionaire. There house is big and I have my own room. His man is 94..he is very strong for his age ..takes vitamins and takes good care of himself. No dementia or any other Illness..only diabetes 2. I hardly do much for him ..I check his sugar..I give him insulin shots..I give him his med and drive him to appointments or shopping..he takes a shower alone. He is also writing his 5th book and im helping. So he knows my situation and he said he wanted to take care of me and give me whatever i want....he tries and grabs me by my waist..tries and rubs on my chest...and he wants me to massage him in private places. I just take care of him..they have a lady that cleans 2xs a week...I lock my room at night..now I'm scared to lose my job because he is furious i keep telling NO NO NO. Pls i feel terrinle..I'm making real good money but i cannot take this anymore. I'm 48 and i feel he should respect me and understand respect his wife...if i tell her i will lose my job for sure. He has afford me a lot of money BUT I CANNOT!!! I can't do that. :( my friend says I should take the money..but I cant..please help me what can I do?
Trying again.
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/moving-to-assisted-living-facility-141370.htm
Regardless, I would like to get an update from her to see how she handled the situation and what the outcome was.
There comes a time when we have to stop running. Otherwise, the same problem keeps coming back to us in one form or another.
This is your opportunity for inner growth. Is there a pattern in your life of being bullied? The bullies will keep coming at you, until you learn to stand up to them.
I’m not talking about fighting. And I’m not talking about pushing them away with negative energy. Negativity (fear, anger, feelings of desperation) attracts negative energy. You counter obstacles with positive energy: self esteem, strength, compassion toward yourself and others.
Channel your inner nanny. What would Mary Poppins or the Supernanny do? Both are loving characters, but no one bullies them. You can be strong and loving at the same time. Humor is a great healer. Use it to your advantage, internally when you need it, and outwardly when you can.
There is the possibility that your patient is feeling his mortality and is scared, and acts out his fear in inappropriate ways. Then again, he might be laughing death in the face. But if he needs a penis pump, well, ED is a traumatic event to men. Artificial means of acquiring an erection aren’t the same as healthy natural sexuality. ED is a symptom of cardiovascular problems (to include circulation), and circulation is important for the brain. At his age, I’d imagine he at least is undergoing cognitive decline.
Just as an FYI: With dementia (including the hippocampus-sparing kind), sometimes the “ID” comes out. A small man might exhibit the worst of the small-man’s complex. A sexually repressed man might become, or try to be, overly sexual. Who your patient was in his youth, and who is now, might not be the same (or perhaps, different layers of the individual may be emerging).
Lack of dietary fat can affect the mind and mood. Perhaps you are prohibited from giving your patient dietary fats. But make sure you are getting them! Put a tablespoon of coconut oil on your oatmeal or toast. Eat raw nuts. Replace margarine with pure natural butter. You need your mood and mind strong to take on challenges. (Plus, raising the fats and lowering the carbohydrates can help with weight loss.)
Lastly, look up the ketogenic diet. I’m not saying you have to go “keto.” But you can learn about the benefits of good fats. YouTube has some great info on it. Check out Drs. Jeff Volek, Stephen Phinney, and Eric Westman on YouTube.
Walk in beauty,
Lilacalani
Sometimes it's possible to take action ONCE, and establish that you won't tolerate the b.s. Sometimes it becomes a back and forth nonstop battle. If you think you can exert enough assertive energy (as Cesar Milan the Dog Whisperer says!), then tell him with complete seriousness, that you'll call his dr. Immediately for a neuro/psych eval, because he's exhibiting signs of dementia. Say it with complete conviction, to his face--don't sugarcoat it or soften your voice. I think with an ego as big as his, he'll be flabbergasted. And maybe he'll stop. Maybe your job won't last much longer. I think it's worth trying though. At the very least, you will have stood up for yourself, and that skill will carry you farther in life than anything else. Good luck!
You can talk to the wife, she probably knows and looks the other way. Be ready to leave if you decide to engage the wife.
He has probably been lecherous all his life, but at this stage he is not responsible for his actions......you are for yours. If the money and convenience is sufficient to put up with an occasional grope, you would not be the first person to do so. Do lock your doors at night. He may be highly obnoxious, but at his age I cannot imagine he is much of a threat....I assume you could fend him off if you had to.
Good luck,.
I wouldn't contact the police since this gentleman is a prominent physician [not that should make any difference] but in some circle it would become a "he said - she said" situation. You don't want to damage your reputation if you find some people will believe him over you, even though it is 100% his fault.
You might contact an abused women's shelter, social services, your local agency on aging, and/or the police and ask if you have any recourse regarding the sexual abuse/harassment you are experiencing. It he does have all his marbles it may curb his behavior if he knows you will approach or have approached professionals. Abusers rely on secrecy to keep the abuse going.
I do understand that with having a disabled child is an extra burden and the good pay helps you. (((((hugs))))) and let us know how this pans out.
Pip ruby believe me I'm not over reacting..it's very uncomfortable. ..and every time I'm putting on his condom catheter he has his penis very hard and erected..then to find out he has one of those erection pumps.
You would be asked by the police if these kinds of incidents have happened before (yes), what you've done about them, what you've told this man (i.e., did you say NO?). It could be construed that you were fully aware of his proclivities and as yet have done nothing about it.
I suppose his reputation in the community is important to him, as a retired physician and the author of five books. Depending on your moral compass, you might threaten him with criminal charges and demand a good reference and a lump sum in return for your silence, enough to tide you over until you find a new job. But that would be wrong, of course.
In my dating years, I didn't know how to turn down undesirable "suitors" in a less-than-awkward way. Many years later, I learned the phrase, "I just don't feel that way about you." You might give it a try. You could say something like, "Thank you, but no thank you. I just don't feel that way about you."
All the best to you.