I am hiring two caregivers to help my husband and me at night. Each works on different nights, not together the same nights. I am fine with them, but my husband is having a hard time. How can I help my husband bond with these folks? Any helpful tips?
My husband has aphasia, so it is difficult for him to talk. The caregiver does not live with us; he is only there in the morning to get my husband ready for breakfast and for adult day care while I am at work. I think my husband is still adjusting to having someone in the house in the morning, but I hope that will soon end. It's only been 2 weeks. The caregiver and I get along fine, but I am not the one with dementia and aphasia. I hope in time, everything will be fine. Fingers crossed.
Thumbs up on your response for WorriedSpouse!
WorriedSpouse,
As others have asked, this would pertain to what hours he is up with the caregiver: If your husband likes to play cards, Dominoes, use puzzles etc, that can help with creating a bond. A caregiver spending some 'fun time' with your husband may be able to help your husband lighten up. But, as TouchMatters brought up, he may not be capable of bonding.
I have since had to hire several caregivers, unfortunately, it's a struggle to find good caregivers, and my mom has been more accepting of them. When dealing with dementia, you can't always tell what your person is thinking and feeling because every day is a new day with its own challenges and behaviors.
So, I think that first you have to feel comfortable with them and have a level of confidence in their ability and compassion for your husband. Then you just have to give it time. It always helped, I think, for mom to see me talking and getting along with the person. Hiring a male caregiver with similar interests or at least knowledge in the areas of interest of your husband would be a great idea. I agree that they are hard to find but worth looking into. Good luck, your husband is very lucky to have you stand by his side. Take care of yourself ;)
Or is he a night owl and likes to talk, then it would be important to find the right fit, caregivers who have the same interest as he does. If your husband has a good sense of humor then a caregiver should have a similar sense of humor. All these things worked quite well for my Dad.
Also, it's hard to bond on a nightshift. I assume your husband is asleep overnight as opposed to sitting in the living room chatting with the caregiver. I wonder what the caregiver's hours are? If it's an 8pm-8am shift she would get there before your husband goes to bed and be able to spend some time with him.
Are your caregivers outgoing without being annoying? Do they smile when speaking to your husband? Do they ask him questions about himself to get to know him or do they just chat with you? Are they calm and even-keeled? A night shift caregiver shouldn't have the same energy as a day shift caregiver.
Are there barriers to them bonding with your husband such as hearing loss, dementia, or depression?
Give them a chance. It won't happen automatically. The caregivers are also going to want to bond with your husband. They need to establish trust. This takes time.