They both are needing help, and rely heavily on family. But those that can help once in a while, have several medical issues also, and it’s causing a breakdown in their own health. They are dependent on everyone. But refuse to go to assisted living.
LynnBilin7608, assuming your parents need just physical assistance with chores such as cleaning, cooking, shopping, maintenance, personal care, etc., and are not significantly cognitively impaired, then one thing their adult children can do is show them how assisted living is doable and how it can improve their safety and comfort as well as their children's. As suggested by JoAnn29, take them on outings to tour facilities just for a "look, see," point out the many amenities and chore reductions and, importantly, show them how it's financially possible. But don't pressure them in any way -- like many or most elders, they're probably afraid of losing control of their physical, mental and financial lives and don't know how to cope with this stage of life and this is where their children can best help. It's good and admirable that their children have been giving hands-on physical help, but once that's no longer doable, then it's time for this next step of helping their parents mentally and emotionally recognize that assisted living is the next best step. I know first-hand all this is easier to write than do, so good luck and best wishes.
A little more information about your situation would be helpful: - how old are your parents? - have they ever been medically diagnosed with cognitive decline, memory impairment, ALZ, etc - do they each have a PoA assigned? If so, who and where do they live - in what state do your parents live
This information will allow the forum participants to give more specific advice. Thanks!
It has been suggested by other members to stop helping. You are helping them with the illusion they are independent. By not helping they may realize they need an AL.
Have you "all" sat down and told them that you can't do it anymore. That your own health is suffering and there is no one person who can do it all. That them being independent is relying on others too much. That means, they are no longer independent and they need more help than any of you can give. Maybe take them on some walk throughs. Some places allow you to have lunch or dinner for a small price. Maybe you can get their doctor to talk to them.
- how old are your parents?
- have they ever been medically diagnosed with cognitive decline, memory impairment, ALZ, etc
- do they each have a PoA assigned? If so, who and where do they live
- in what state do your parents live
This information will allow the forum participants to give more specific advice. Thanks!
Have you "all" sat down and told them that you can't do it anymore. That your own health is suffering and there is no one person who can do it all. That them being independent is relying on others too much. That means, they are no longer independent and they need more help than any of you can give. Maybe take them on some walk throughs. Some places allow you to have lunch or dinner for a small price. Maybe you can get their doctor to talk to them.