Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
✔
I acknowledge and authorize
✔
I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
✔
I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
Joe, my best advice, RUN. I've been there, too. You don't need to abandon anybody. But you do need to care for yourself. Start by finding a way to get enough sleep. Your mother has used you up. Her wishes NO LONGER count. Find an overnight care giver and rent yourself a hotel room. It's amazing what three nights of continuous sleep will do (warning it may take 2 nights before you stop waking up in a panic at the silence).
Sit down and make a list of things you used to enjoy. Pick one and schedule it into your day for a week. Move on to the next, try it for a week. Keep going down the list until you find the one that helps the most right now.
Above all, don't do this alone. You've found the computer. Use it. There are many virtual communities out there. Make contact with therm until you find the one that works for you.
Remember, the object of the exercise is for you to survive this (yes, it will end) with enough mental, emotional and physical energy to have a life.
Joe, it does sound like you may be depressed. As others have suggested, check with social services in your area - there are probably resources available (even with no income) for both you and your mother. I am caregiver for both my husband (parkinson's disease) and my 93-yo mother, who lives with us. At times, it's just all too much, so I recently began seeing a therapist for ME. It has been tremendously helpful. I can safely vent to her, and she is able to offer practical suggestions for handling my depression as well as my caregiving responsibilities. The biggest message she's given me is that I MUST nurture myself, not just my family members. I MUST do things that are gentle, kind, and loving towards ME - soak in a hot tub with the bathroom door locked so I can have a few minutes to myself. Make sure you keep in contact with friends, even if only but phone. Eat healthy foods, and try to take at least a short walk daily, both for the exercise and for the sunshine (your body produces Vitamin D when you're in the sun, and that helps your emotional wellbeing). Also, try contacting churches in your area - many churches offer volunteer services that may give you a little respite, so you can safely get away for a few hours without having to worry about your Mom. Please try these suggestions - I was at the end of my rope, but after doing some of these things, I am now feeling more like myself and not so overwhelmed, even though nothing else has changed.
Hi since 2001 I was a caregiver to family(both my in-laws,brother-in-law,and then my wife who passed on in 2010) during this time I dealt with all the issues that you talk about and at times I just wanted to go out back and beat on a tree with a bat in frustration(but I did go down by the lake Michigan and scream) My whole life revolved around taking care of them 24/7 and I felt like you do now at many times I wanted to quit and crawl in a hole. But I reached out to a church,professional help,find someone who can just listen and not judge. I found help online in such a forum as you are using now.I sought out a mental help doctor at the VA which helped I started going to a church down the street that also helped. You need to stay connected with other people and you need to have down time away from Mom.You need to get out of the house, get into the sunlight .But go see someone look in the Yellow Pages there are many to pick from. It's not a crime to say you need help. Let me know how it goes and I will write back when I see a new post.
Joe..please try to get some help for the depression. There are services that you can get based on your income or lack of.. Am so sorry to hear that everyone has abandoned you and mom. But you have got to hang in there for you and for her. This is a good safe place to come and vent...call social services and does your mom quality for some home care? It is scary to have panic attacks, you have to try to push through to get yourself some help.
Let me get this straight. Your wife leaves you 4 years ago and your mother at about the same time comes home to live with you. Then three years later, your daughter decides to not talk with you. What is she all mad about? It is bad enough to be abandoned by your brother and his wife, but to be abandoned by your own family is worse. No wonder you are depressed. Are you on any anti-depressant? I gather that you lost your job recently due to your depression which is depressing as well. Have you discussed your depression with your mother? If she is angry at you for being depressed, then that is plain mean. Why did she end up coming to live with you instead of your brother? How old is your mother? I'm 55 and my mother turned 81 today, plus I'm on disability. I really don't have any answers for you, but my one suggestion is to go see a therapist.
I just don't know anymore. I think it's too late to rebuild I'm 50 years old. My mother is appreciative but I feel like she is mad at me for being depressed. I've been caring for her on some level for about 4 years but this past year has been really bad to the point where I haven;t been able to work.
I would like to add that since this has been going on, and I have seen how everyone has abandoned us, I have realized that my mother is the only person I have in the world and I love her very much.
I really just can't believe that everyone has distanced themselves from us. I really have no support, not even emotional.
How long have you been doing this? Does your mother appreciate the care that you have given her? Could she go to assisted living or a nursing home so that you can put your life back together?
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Sit down and make a list of things you used to enjoy. Pick one and schedule it into your day for a week. Move on to the next, try it for a week. Keep going down the list until you find the one that helps the most right now.
Above all, don't do this alone. You've found the computer. Use it. There are many virtual communities out there. Make contact with therm until you find the one that works for you.
Remember, the object of the exercise is for you to survive this (yes, it will end) with enough mental, emotional and physical energy to have a life.
Blessings on you.
The biggest message she's given me is that I MUST nurture myself, not just my family members. I MUST do things that are gentle, kind, and loving towards ME - soak in a hot tub with the bathroom door locked so I can have a few minutes to myself. Make sure you keep in contact with friends, even if only but phone. Eat healthy foods, and try to take at least a short walk daily, both for the exercise and for the sunshine (your body produces Vitamin D when you're in the sun, and that helps your emotional wellbeing). Also, try contacting churches in your area - many churches offer volunteer services that may give you a little respite, so you can safely get away for a few hours without having to worry about your Mom. Please try these suggestions - I was at the end of my rope, but after doing some of these things, I am now feeling more like myself and not so overwhelmed, even though nothing else has changed.
I hide in my bedroom most of the day. When the phone rings or someone knocks on the door I go into a panic.
A year and a half ago I was some kind of normal. Now I'm nothing but a loser. The guilt is unbearable.
I would like to add that since this has been going on, and I have seen how everyone has abandoned us, I have realized that my mother is the only person I have in the world and I love her very much.
I really just can't believe that everyone has distanced themselves from us. I really have no support, not even emotional.
Sorry if i'm not making much sense