We moved my parents to a 55+ community. I'm living with them as their caregiver as I am over the age limit too, and was shocked to discover that we have a band of neighborhood bullies. These bullies call the shots and inform everyone about "the new people" based on what they want to believe. What can I do to keep my sanity while caring for mom & dad. Under the guise of being on the HOA board there is one woman who is torturing us. She is "scared to death" that someone with dementia might __________ Use your own imagination and just fill in the blank with whatever seems crazy - she's said it all to others not us. She is a clean freak and loves to play people against each other. Now she's gotten it into her head that a friend of hers needs to live near to her and she wants us "gone". I cringe hearing her talking on her speakerphone (yes really) about getting rid of us with complaints. HELP, I'm losing my sense of humor and my mind. How do I handle someone like that. Caregiving is not easy, but I never thought I'd feel like this now that our security is being threatend. We didn't do anything wrong, how do I manage to get past this bully? I wasn't very good at it in grade school either. I look at my parents and feel sick to my stomach that we picked a place that looked like paradise, but is turning out to feel more like Salem during the witch hunts.
i know im full of it but a therapist told me today that a sense of humor seperated good caregivers from the spazzed out inneffective ones..
I agree with JessieBelle. This woman's behavior says more about her than it does about your parents. If it is upsetting enough you can move but that's an awful lot of upheaval just to be rid of one old hag. She's a miserable old crone who finds power and control in putting other people down. If you move, she's been successful. And who's to say you wouldn't have some other kind of problem in another unit? An instigator gets their kicks when they get a reaction, it's like air to them. Take away the reaction and the game isn't fun anymore. Like an internet troll. They love to get people's dander up but ignore the troll altogether and it goes away as fast as it arrived, looking for a livelier audience.
This old bat has no power over you or your parents, she's just flapping her dentures, wanting attention and wanting something to do to fill up her lonely hours. I hope you don't move on account of her. She's not dangerous but she is successful in that she has you very upset. Go on with your lives and you take away her power. She'll find someone else to peck at soon enough.
Anyway... what you're going through is not unusual. If you aren't doing anything wrong, don't worry. Chances are that most of the residents think the bully is an awful person, so aren't paying much attention to her. That's how it is sometimes. Sorry you are having to go through it. Maybe you can talk to the management about moving you to another unit when it becomes available. It will be inconvenient, but may be worth the peace of mind. Some people like your neighbor still live in the dark ages when it comes to people with mental disabilities. Probably the best thing you can do for her is to show her kindness when needed and ignore her the rest of the time.